Okay. We all knew this was a bad movie. I knew it was a bad movie going in. There's no possible way anyone could ever even think that this was going to be a good movie. But I wanted to see it anyway. Why you might ask? Because it was going to be bad. It's hard to explain the irony of finding enjoyment in intentionally bad movies; but that was what I was expecting. I was expecting a whole laundry list of bad movie cliches. I wanted to see something that would be best seen on the siffie channel. (Sorry. SyFy channel) That's what we get with this movie alright. It's bad.
But that's the wrong question. Was it enjoyable? For me, my answer is no. Here's why.
1) It's a PG-13 movie. That means we see sexy women in bakinis. Okay. Good. We see them take off said bakinis. Okay. Good. But we don't see any nudity. Because that's not PG-13. Bad.
2) It's a PG-13 movie. That means the death scenes are incredibly tame. Not only are they tame, but repetitive as well. Everyone kinda remembers the first Jaws kill. We see someone treading water and screaming. Then there's the copious amounts of blood in the water. Then the person sinks in the water and that's it. Dead. We see that at least four times in this movie. We see the shark jump out of the water twice. There were so many different sharks in this movie and so many different opportunities to do different things, but instead just more of the same. Bad and boring.
3) The story was illogical. It's expected in a movie like this that the plot wouldn't make any sense. That's not what I mean. What I mean is that the script doesn't pass the 4th grader test. Imagine you are describing this movie to a snarky fourth grader: These college kids go up to a lake for the weekend and they are attacked by sharks. Question: what kind of sharks? Answer: All kinds of sharks. Cookie cutter sharks, tiger sharks, hammerhead sharks, and even a great white! Question: How did the sharks get in there? Answer: uhm... this really stereotypical redneck found a friend with shark like teeth to help him catch sharks and put them in the lake. Question: Don't sharks live in the ocean? Answer: It's a salt water lake. In Louisiana. Question: But aren't cookie cutter sharks, tiger sharks, hammerheads, and great whites all deep sea sharks? They would starve to death in a lake. Answer: the people feed them? I don't know, kid. Stop asking questions.
Literally, there are sharks from all over the world put into this lake for reason X (no spoilers here but believe me, it's stupid) and never is it even hinted at as to how this happened.
Poor acting, one note characters, stupid plot, boring action scenes, boring kills, transparent villians, and lame effects.
Here's the good parts:
1) There was one really good character. I really wanted to see more of him. Malik is a basketball star and madly in love with girl #3. I forget her name. Nothing is ever known of her other than she's his girlfriend and she's a chicana. Anyway, his arm is bitten off by the shark, his girlfriend is killed, and he doesn't look like he's going to live much longer. So, he goes gangsta on the shark! He grabs a spear and he is going to throw down with the shark. And he wins! It was the only legitimate "bad ass" part of the whole movie. I loved it!
2) The tiger shark. If you saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes, maybe you will remember the ape with the scars and the missing eye. He looked just gnarly. The tiger shark in this movie looks the same way. There are all these scars over his face and I think an eye was missing. (could be mistaken about that) But just seeing that shark for that split second was awesome. It made me laugh. I wanted more gnarly looking sharks.
3) The Great White: It happened when we finally get the Great White at the end of the movie. You knew they were going to do it. You knew they had to copy Jaws somehow. Well, they used the Jaws music. No surprise there. But what I wasn't expecting was them copying the end of Jaws 4! I swear I heard the shark roar!
Don't spend your money in the theaters for this. It'll be on the SyFy channel before you know it.
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