From the Vault: Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter (2001)

Made back in 2001, this movie just defies all sense of storytelling, flow, pacing, and cinematics.  To watch this is to not see a good movie.  It's Jesus Christ, in modern day, teaming up with a Mexican Wrestler, fighting vampires preying on Canadian lesbians.  I dare you to make sense of this. 

Normally, movies like this defy reviewing.  They are so tounge-in-cheek, it's impossible to take it seriously.  And while there are some funny moments, it's hard not to recognize how padded it truely is.  More than a few times, characters are introduced very briefly only so they can immediately be killed by vampires.  The first 40 minutes of the movie really could be cut and the movie as a whole wouldn't suffer.  And with a run time of 85 minutes, that's a bad thing.

Much of the music is this weird neo-beatnick style and I just couldn't get into it.  The theme song is by far the best.  It reminds me of the old '80s cartoon theme songs that spell out the story long before the show ever starts.

If I were to forgive the horrible cinematography, the poor fight choreography, the miserable acting, and the contempuous level of padding, it's the sound dub that truely is the straw that breaks the camel's back.  Everyone sounds like they are talking into a tin can.  It's clearly all added in post production. 

This was a small, independant movie made by a group of friends with very little budget.  And for people messing around having a good time, it's a good movie.  Some of the practical effects are almost good enough and the story of Jesus returning for the second coming to fight armies of the undead, that's an interesting story! 

I wouldn't necessarily recommend it other than the novelty of watching a movie called Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter, but it does have it's funny moments and for a movie only 85 minutes, it's tolerable.

From the Vault: Three Amigos! (1986)

Made back in 1986, this was a farcical comedy starring and written by Saturday Night Live alumnai.  Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, and Martin Short play an acting trio at the end of their careers.  After being kicked out of their studio, stripped of their costumes, and with very little acting prospects left, they got a letter from a fan in Mexico.  Thinking they were offered a job, instead the 'fan' didn't know they were just actors and was actually trying to hire heroes to save her village from the bandito El Guapo!

Chevy Chase and Steve Martin both showcased their comedic talent on the wildly successful television series Saturday Night Live.  If it was Steve Martin being a wild and crazy guy or Chevy Chase in the Weekend Update anchor chair, both were huge hits on tv.  They used SNL to propel themselves to several great comedies.

Since the title Dos Amigos doesn't quite have the same effect as Three Amigos, Martin Short was brought on to fill out the trio.  At the time, Martin Short was an unknown commodity.  He was new to movies.  But from 1984-1985 he was on a little tv show called Saturday Night Live.  And if you haven't caught on yet, this movie is largely influenced by SNL.

If you're looking for a really funny movie, this one might not have you rolling in the isles, but it does have a few hilarious moments.  Alfonso Arau as El Guapo was very funny and a great addition to comedic legends Chevy Chase and Steve Martin.  The laughs don't really hold up to time but for someone like me who remembers when Saturday Night Live was really funny, this is a great piece of nostalgia.

If nothing else it feeds my craving for a plethora of pinatas.

From the Vault: The Wrestler (2008)

Made back in 2008, this movie made quite the splash.  This was a movie that had ramifications for not only movies, but also sparked some controversy in the world of professional wrestling.  So much so, that professional wrestler Chris Jericho and The Wrestler star Mickey Rourke had an on air feud in a televised interview.

The world of professional wrestling for many years had a cloak of anynomity around it.  That was not only for many of the shady dealings professional wrestlers did, but also a necessary element of storytelling.  In the wrestling business they call it kayfabe.  The rest of us know it as the "suspension of disbelief".  It's with kayfabe we believe a guy can be lifted up by the neck and slammed down or another could be hit with a chair and not have his brains scrambled. 

Perticularly in the '90s but more so in the 2000s, professional wrestling has largely eroded the idea of kayfabe.  In the '90s there was the rise of "hardcore" or "extreme" wrestling.  Now wrestlers were using barbed wire or thumbtacks to really injure each other, but most of the audience had become wise to this ultra violence.  Wrestling's dirty little secret was out.  It's all a show.  It wasn't "real."  And in the 2000s, reality tv was huge.

With the rise of "extreme" wrestling came some very real consequences.  In the 1980s, drugs and steroids were everywhere.  And later on in the 2000s the drugs were still there but so were mounting "real" injuries from taking too many chair shots to the head or flying through flimsy tables from 30 foot ladders.

A large string of wrestlers suddenly started dying in their early 40s.  Stars like Eddie Guerrero, Chris Kanyon, Davey Boy Smith, Lance Cade, Curt Hennig, and Brian Pillman just to name a few.  Probably no deaths more high profile than those of Owen Hart and Chris Benoit. 

For those unaware, in the 90s high spots were used to dazzle audiences.  Owen Hart ended up falling from the rafters after an equipment malfunction.  The story goes that his harness took too long to take off after propelling down to the ring.  And they wanted Owen to do a prat fall from the harness to emphasize his bafoonish superhero character, The Blue Blazer.  So, it was rigged to release with a button.  And that's what happened to Owen about 78 feet above the ring... on live PPV. 

The tragedy of Chris Benoit comes not only from his death, but from the others that died with him.  Chris Benoit had severe brain damage from many years in the business and one day he flipped out and killed his wife, his 7 year-old son, and then himself. 

This movie plays into those kinds of tragedies.  Randy "The Ram" is a broken down, washed up wrestler who really has no other skills, abilities, or outlet in life other than wrestling.  He has an estranged daughter, a drug habit, and just can't seem to realize his time in the spotlight is over.  He has constant money issues and puts his body through these horrible "extreme" matches or nickel and dime events paying him a couple hundred bucks a night.

The Wrestler is a dramatic look at the pitfalls of being a professional performer.  Once Randy's time at the top was done, he just couldn't let go of the lifestyle.  Others like Randy's wrestling rival "The Ayatollah" went on to have some sucess in business and seemed happy being away from the ring.  This all leads to the climax of the movie where Randy throws away everything in his life outside of wrestling and had one more match.

The ending of the movie is a bit open-ended.  It cuts to black just as Randy goes off the top rope to finish the match.  Leading the audience to decide for themselves if he died or not.  My personal opinion is that the movie is much stronger if he did die.  This was a guy that despite his best efforts always found a way to screw up his life.  But the one thing he was supremely good at was wrestling.  He ruined things with his daughter, he often tried to begin a relationship with a stripper only to be shot down, he tried to work a normal 9 to 5 job and he just couldn't take the embarrassment of being that guy at the deli counter when he used to sell out Madison Square Garden.  So, he finally just said to hell with it all and he was going to get in the ring despite a weakened heart.  He went in to that ring because he just didn't have or want anything else in his life.  He wanted to die.  He went into that match trying to kill himself. 

I feel that this movie is very powerful, tragic, and loaded with acting talent.  Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei were just sensational.  Every time they were on stage they were magnetic.  If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend it.  But be warned, this isn't for anyone looking to feel happy or have a sense of hope.

From the Vault: Enter The Ninja (1981)

Made back in 1981, this is a movie that is truely a product of the times.  Right down to starring actor Franco Nero with cheesy pornstache, lame fakey fighting scenes, and cliche story.  And boy does it have it's glorious moments.

Cole (Nero), ex-soldier and full-time white ninja, goes to visit his old Vietnam War buddy, Frank (Alex Courtney).  But unknown to him, a greedy/evil industrialist named Vanarius (Christopher George) wants Frank's land because there is a fortune of oil to be discovered.  After strong arm tactics by Vanarius were defeated by Cole, he hires another ninja, Hasagawa (Sho Kosugi), to kill Cole.

The movie really does follow the 80's action story formula.  Irredeemable villians, heroic super human good guys, a smoking hot love interest, and it all leads up to ninja vs ninja action.

Overall the biggest selling point of martial arts movies are the action scenes and even for a movie 30 years old the fight scenes are just terrible.  It's clear the only person with any fighting experience was Sho Kosugi.  The man who later went on to be in many more 80's martial arts movies.  He then took a hiatus from movies and made a short lived comeback in Ninja Assassin.

In fact many of the actors in this movie went on to sub-par careers.  The only one who had much success was Franco Nero who had a bit part in Die Hard 2.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend this movie as a "good" movie.  Instead I'd say if you're feeling nostalgic for a cheesy 80's martial arts movie and just can't find China O'Brien, then maybe it's worth a watch... If only to see Franco Nero and his glorious moustache.

From the Vault: Blade Runner

Made back in 1982, Blade Runner has over the years become recognized as one of the hallmarks of the sci-fi genre.  Coming a few years after the huge success of Alien, Ridley Scott truely pushed the idea of sci-fi and style to the breaking point.  This "neo-noir" story heralds back to the film noir type stories of the 1920s.  Here however, our police officer named Deckard isn't looking for ordinary criminals... he's after human looking robots called "replicants". 

Replicants are in almost every way just like humans.  The look, sound, and in many ways act human.  The only difference is their lack of emotional maturity because of their short lifespan.  The only way to detect a replicant is to give them a series of questions designed to illicit an emotional response.

Right away this plot has a central theme... What is the nature of humanity?  What is it that makes a person human?  What would any species of life do in order to survive?  If it walks, talks, and thinks like a duck; is it a duck?  It's the Blade Runner's job to find replicants and "retire" them.  aka kill them. 

Along with Harrison Ford (Star Wars, Indiana Jones) is a cast of hall of famers in sci-fi.  People like Edward James Almos (Battlestar Galactica), Sean Young (Dune) , Daryl Hannah (Kill Bill), E. Emet Walsh (Return of the Planet of the Apes), and Rutger Hauer (Sin City, Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

The movie was brilliantly done, many of the scenes are just beautiful, and the acting was top notch.  A must see for all fans looking for something that is challenging and artistic.

*I think...therefore I am.*

From the Vault: Death Proof

Made back ion 2007, Death Proof is a ton of fun in a 12 oz bag.  I've told people before I respect the work of Quentin Terantino because he is a student of the game.  Death Proof is a throwback movie to the old exploitation movies of the 1970s.  It's full of women talking about sex and drugs, hanging out in bars, and of course crazy murderers killing just for the sake of fun.  Everything about this movie feels like it was made back in the 1970s; right down to the purposefully horrible edits, abrupt ending, and the opening title sequences.

Death Proof has an impressive cast anchored by Kurt Russell as the wild Stuntman Mike and his car he named "Death Proof", a reinforced stunt car used in movies.  But the most fun comes in the last half hour of the movie.  The car chase.  If this movie is remembered for anything it'll be for having the greatest car chase scene in cinema history.  It's not only pulse pounding, but it's also incredibly funny. 

The beginning of the movie can be really slow and sticks to the Terantino style of a whole lot of clumsy dialogue before all hell breaks loose.  But once you've had your vegetables, you're in for one hell of a treat.  Go see this movie.

From the Vault: Ghost Rider (2007)

Made back in 2007, Ghost Rider is a weird mix of bad dialogue, nonsensical story, good special effects, and Nicholas Cage.  So, how does it stack up?  It's bad.  Like most Nicholas Cage movies just saying it's bad isn't enough.  There's a curve here.  Ghost Rider falls in between the irredeemably bad and the campy/fun bad. 

On the one hand, the villians are just no real threat.  Blackheart is beaten in a very unsatisfying way and his henchmen are also beaten with very little effort.  And then there's the Devil.  The personification of evil is just powerless.  I know it goes into the whole story about how the Ghost Rider is the Devil's bounty hunter, but I do question why the Devil needs a bounty hunter?  He's the Devil!  Come on!  Just like in Star Trek V: Why does God need a starship? 

Many of the characters in this movie are just not needed.  Sam Elliott is completely wasted playing the Caretaker.  He's supposed to be Johnny Blaze's mentor.  The seasoned veteran who knows how to control his power and teaches him to be the Ghost Rider.  But other than being the exposition fairy he has no role in the movie.  He doesn't teach Johnny to do anything.  He just talks.  Nothing more.

Then there's Roxanne.  (Eva Mendes)  Pure, cookie cutter love interest.  There is nothing special about this character.  Her only role is to give Ghost Rider a love interest.  Just a little more emotion thrust in just because that's how these superhero movies go. 

It's loud, it's campy, but it's still a watchable movie.  I wouldn't ever sit down and think, "you know what movie I haven't watched in a while and was a lot of fun... Ghost Rider."  But if there wasn't anything else on tv, yeah I'd watch it.

From the Vault: Rumble in the Bronx

Made back in 1996, Rumble in the Bronx was Jackie Chan's first major theatrical release in the USA.  It's a story about a man named Keung and he travels to New York for his uncle's wedding.  While there he runs afoul of a dangerous biker gang in the Bronx.

Let's start with the best part: The stunts!  Some are just amazing.  It really had to be the perfect way to introduce a superstar like Jackie Chan to the casual American audience.  Jackie, while an above average actor, is far more known for doing his own death defying stunts and kung fu choreography. 

The story on the other hand was standard fare.  It wasn't anything special but it did do what it needed to do.  The characters were nothing special and sometimes downright plain.  Keung (Jackie Chan) is the same character he does in most of his movies.  He's wholesome, caring, kind, and willing to stand up for what he believes.

Another staple of many Jackie Chan movies is the humor.  Ever since doing Drunken Master in 1978, the tone of the movies Chan did went from serious martial arts movies, to more action comedy.  Rumble in the Bronx is no exception.  There are some genuinely funny moments.

And then there's the out takes playing during the credits.  If ever there is a cautionary "don't try this at home" it would be watching the serious injuries Jackie Chan has filming these movies.  In every movie he manages to seriously hurt himself.  Luckily, in this movie he only broke his leg.  If you look carefully during the waterskiing scene, you will notice that his right leg doesn't have a shoe.  Instead they got a sock to try and mimic his shoes and fit that over his leg cast.

This movie is very forgettable.  The story isn't special, the cast is adequate, the dubbing can be distracting at times, but the biggest draw are all the stunts and fight scenes.  And they are worth watching at least once.

From the Vault: Ringmaster

Made back in 1998, this was an attempt by shock talk show host, Jerry Springer, to show the American public that what you don't see on his show might just be more shocking. 

It's impossible to discuss the movie without first talking about the controversial tv show.  The Jerry Springer show began in 1991 and wasn't much different than other talk shows at the time.  It was a political talk show featuring topics like gun control, rock music in society, and the needs of the poor.  By 1994, the focus turned more to the extreme.  Eventually introducing topics like my boyfriend is a girl, men who watch too much porn, or shows featuring racists or sexual fetishes.

At the height of Jerry Springer's controvercial popularity, the screenplay for "Ringmaster" was written by Jon Bernstein.  Bernstein, not known for much writing success, Ringmaster was his first feature length project. 

The story is a convergence of three separate storylines: 1) a white trash family where the daughter is sleeping with her mother's husband, 2) a black man sleeping with two best friends, and 3) Jerry himself interacting with fans and vocal critics alike while still producing the tv show.

As you could expect, the story isn't much different from the actual tv show.  Generally unlikeable people flaunting their loose morals and general stupidity.  And with a runtime of 90 minutes and three different storylines, the whole thing feels rushed.  This is both good and bad: the characters are so unlikeable that we don't want to spend much time getting to know them.

This movie would've benefitted from some creative re-writing.  Instead of three storylines all meeting on the Jerry Springer show, focus the 90 minute movie on just one aspect.  Believe it or not, much of the movie while only 90 minutes is filler scenes of what brought the people to contact the show in the first place.  A tighter story would focus on Jerry.  I would like to know more of how he deals with the type of attention he gets with his show.  How do people on the street react to him?  Positively?  Do they ask for autographs?  Do they ask him for advice?  Do they publically try to shame him for promoting immoral behavior?  Does this put stress on his relationships with friends and family?  How would he respond to his critics if he were given the chance?  Some of these questions are answered but never fully explored and that's a real shame.

I wouldn't recommend this movie other than for the human train wreck you'd get with the hour long show.  If really curious, just watch the show and try to fill in the blanks for yourself.  You'd get the same experience.

From the Vault: Ed Wood

Made back in 1994, this is a movie about just how hard it is to actually make a movie.  Ed Wood is a notoriously bad director.  Of his accomplishments, he is most known for such movies as "Plan Nine From Outer Space" and "Glen or Glenda."  "Ed Wood" is a movie about his career, his friendship with Bela Legosi, and the never ending headaches he had to overcome just to make a movie, let alone a good one.

For anyone interested in getting into the movie business, this is the one to watch.  It has a lot to teach about the low budget shooting style Ed Wood loved.  Many of his movies were made with a budget of around $50,000.  Even by the 1950's standards, that isn't much money.  So, Wood had to cut a lot of corners in order to just finish the movie.

Today, Ed Wood is a beloved filmmaker by many.  His "so bad it's good" movies are enjoyed by a whole new audience.  In life he never enjoyed much success, but years after his death, he managed to be respected. 

It's a good lesson about perseverence and following one's passion despite whatever gets in the way.  If it's something you love, it's worth fighting for.

From the Vault: Howling II Your Sister is a Werewolf

Made back in 1986, this has to be one of the weirdest werewolf movies I've ever seen.  Sometimes the rediculousness is simple like a magic spell blowing a dwarf's eyes out fo his head.  Or something far more insane like a demon raping a priest in the mouth and giving birth.

The acting in this movie is nothing to write home about.  By far the best actor in the movie is Christopher Lee and even he gives such a low key performance it's like he's ashamed to be in the movie.  That's saying something from the guy who played Dracula in the Hammer movies.

This one isn't for the kiddies because there's a good number of werewolf orgy scenes I don't think younger audiences need to see.  Or anyone else for that matter.  At one point there's three of them together and they are covered in really bad looking fake hair. 

It rewrites a lot of standing werewolf lore and takes some liberties with Stirba being both a werewolf and some kind of sorceress.  This is a weird movie but if you like really goofy stuff and cheesy acting, I'd say this is worth seeing. 

From the Vault: Margin Call

Made in 2011, this is one of several movies made recently about the stock market collapse in 2008.  And that's about the extent of the plot.  A young stock broker manages to deduce that the company he works for is so over leveraged that once the economy turns not only would their company be bankrupt but so would a lot of others.

In many ways this is a microcosmic look at what happened with Goldman Sachs.  They decided to start a fire sale and sell off all the bad securities they had and many times well below the market rate just to get it off their books. 

Once the fire sale started, the company fired all the stock traders, paid them a lot of money, and left them with a ruined reputation and the senior partners in a great position to make a killing on the upswing. 

It's really hard to like any of the characters in this movie.  The young guys never get enough screen time to develop their personalities.  All they tell us is that they are obsessed with money.  The senior partners were also just obsessed with money and are willing to screw over those under them so they could continue to make a lot more money.  No feelings of responsibility, no remorse, no compassion for those about to lose their jobs and the small time investors, no thoughts to the people who can't retire because their pensions were wiped out.  Instead we get a pretentious little speech about how money has no real value.

From a docudrama point of view it's a fairly good movie.  It tries very hard to make a complicated issue easy enough to understand for everyone.  But if you are looking for any kind of entertainment value, this isn't the best choice.  The subject is dry and not a whole lot really happens.  It's still a good watch.  Check it out.

From the Vault: Game of Death (1979)

Released back in 1979, this movie had been in production for well over five years and if you'd ever seen it, you'd wonder why they even bothered.  The short answer is of course why dozens of other bruceploitation movies were made.  Everyone loves Bruce Lee.  And this was Bruce Lee's last movie.

Bruce Lee left the filming of Game of Death to film one of the most influential kung fu movies ever made: Enter the Dragon.  Shortly after filming Enter the Dragon, Lee intended to come back and finish Game of Death, but tragically died before he could do that.  So, unlike movies such as Exit the Dragon Enter the Tiger, The Clones of Bruce Lee, or Bruce Lee Fights Back From the Grave, Bruce Lee actually did star in the movie.

Really this movie is a mess of stock footage, horrible dubbing, and atrocious acting.  In one truely tasteless scene of the movie, they used footage from Bruce Lee's real life funeral to further the plot.  The best part of the movie is the movie's climax where, naturally, we have Bruce Lee doing what he does best: bone breaking kung fu.  Bruce Lee vs Kareem Abdul Jabbar is actually satisfying; a testament to just how good an actor Bruce Lee truely was. 

If you are in the mood for a great kung fu movie featuring the greatest martial artist ever on screen, watch Enter the Dragon or Fists of Fury before you ever attempt to sit through something like this.

From the Vault: Tron Legacy (2010)

Made fairly recently in 2010, Tron Legacy was the little anticipated sequel to the 1982 underground hit.  Originally Tron didn't do perticularly well in box office sales so for Disney to make a sequel didn't seem wise.  Disney instead tried to make more family friendly live action movies like Flight of the Navigator (1986), Return to Oz (1985), and Honey I Shrunk the Kids (1989).

Tron initially was praised for it's visuals and great acting, but heavily criticized for it's story.  Over time, Tron had more than a second look and was praised as one of the best sci-fi movies of all time.  Fast forward almost 30 years later and Disney surprised everyone with not remaking Tron using new visual techniques but a direct sequel; bringing back Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner from the original movie.  (Both have gone on to great careers)  Fans of the original Tron were chomping at the bit to see just where the story goes.

What we got was something with much more bright lights and far less depth.  The original movie challenged the audience to think about God and technology in radically different ways.  The only thing Tron Legacy inspired were video games and a great soundtrack.

Much like the original Tron Legacy had top notch visuals.  The Lightcycles and disk throwing was beautiful to watch.  They also took some interesting technological risks in digitally trying to de-age Jeff Bridges to make him look more like he did in 1982.  But the problem with taking risks is that the effect could fall flat.  The digital de-aging effect looked terrible.  It never looked real enough and when Jeff Bridges is playing the villian, CLU it might be okay, but when we first see it in a flashback, it's just really bad.  In some ways, doing the effect worse for CLU would've been better.  By making him less humanlike, it could've made CLU more menacing and unworldly.  In the 1982 movie, the grid was far from picture clear.  It was blurry with this weird light thus making it clear that this isn't the normal world.

And then there's the story.  Oh my God is it just dumb.  Here's the story in a nutshell.  Flynn (Jeff Bridges) had a son named Sam and when Sam was young, Flynn disappeared.  He got stuck in the Grid when CLU turned nazi and began exterminating a new race of programs that were born inside the new Grid Flynn built.  You might be thinking I'm taking a cheap shot by calling CLU a nazi, but when a mass extermination is called "the final solution" I make no apologies.  So, Sam somehow ends up on the Grid, and must save the ISOs and his father.

While the first movie took great pride in the anthropomorphism of different computer programs, in Tron Legacy that concept is completely abandoned.  And that's probably the worst problem with this movie.  After almost 30 years, what a great time to update the series!  Imagine all the great technical breakthroughs in computer science even in the last 10 years let alone the last 30!  Can you imagine what a wi-fi telecommunications program would look like?  How about a multi-core processor?  Instead we get a prissy, blue tinged douche air guitaring with a cane.

The movie itself is like a disney theme park ride.  It'll hit all the highs and lows of a standard action movie and does it with a kick ass soundtrack and beautiful scenery.  But for me, this movie could've been so much more and just didn't want to be.  It dumbed itself down in order to appeal to a larger audience and sell video games.  The movie itself is satisfying as a popcorn flick but I was greatly disappointed. 

From the Vault: Tron (1982)

Made back in 1982, Tron was a landmark movie in computer graphics.  While absolutely nothing special by today's standards, movies like this were never seen before.  Back in the '80s, computers were nothing like we understand them today, the internet was in it's infancy, and even things like cellular telephones haven't become more than a novelty the size of a brick with only one function: making telephone calls. 

Because the technology was still new and wonderous, it got computer geeks everywhere daydreaming: what if there was a digital world?  And what would it be like if we were able to digitize ourselves and go into the computer world?  That's the basis for this movie.  Anthropomorphic lifeforms called "programs" are the living embodyment of computer programs we create to do tasks.  For example: if you had a program to help with doing taxes, it would be represented by a guy in a business suit.  Or if you had an anti-virus program it would be a soldier with a high powered rifle.  Maybe a firewall program that really looked like a wall of fire.  The possibilities for creativity were endless. 

So, what would happen if you had a rouge program?  That's where we see our villian.  A program called "Master Control" along with a greedy businessman (Dillinger played by David Warner) try to gain control over the internet and taking over both worlds. 

Standing in the way of world domination was Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) and Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleitner).  Alan creates a program called Tron which is supposed to counteract Master Control.  While trying to upload Tron, Flynn is digitized and put onto the grid by Master Control.  While on the grid, he is the subject of a lot of awe and wonder.  Think about it: people (users) in a world of computer programs would see users as God.  How would you feel if you got a chance to meet a God?  And then came to understand that God figure as simple and fallible as yourself.  How would you feel?  How would you accept this? 

The story of Tron is far more than just a fun little romp through the computer.  It plays with perception and visuals in a way not easily duplicated.  It made people think about very heavy philosophical ideals from an interesting perspective.  It challenged our way of thinking about science, technology, and daily life when nobody knew how much computers would impact the next thirty years. 

The visuals of Tron really don't hold up to modern standards but I would still call it a sci-fi classic and well worth seeing.

From the Vault: Spaceballs

Spaceballs was made back in 1987 and oh is it glorious!  As a child of the '80s I'm no stranger to movies like Planet of the Apes, Star Wars, and Alien.  All movies parodied to perfection by Mel Brooks. 

Our story begins much like the beginning of Star Wars Episode 4.  Instead of Darth Vader, we get Dark Helmet played by Rick Moranis.  If ever there was an exact opposite to the iconic Darth Vader with the chilling robotic voice of James Earl Jones, it is the nerdy and unintimidating in any possible way Rick Moranis.  Rick Moranis had an amazing career in the 1980s.  He had supporting roles in the Ghostbuster movies and Brewster's Millions along with starring roles in Little Shop of Horrors and Honey I Shrunk the Kids.  The spaceship spaceball is in a heated firefight with the space car of Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga).  Princess Vespa ran away from her wedding to Prince Vallium because she didn't love the narcoleptic, but she is legally bound to marry a prince.

With Princess Vespa is our C3PO knockoff Dot Matix played by Joan Rivers.  Once they come under attack, Princess Vespa calls her father for help.  King Roland of Druidia then hires our hero Lone starr (Bill Pullman) and his faithful sidekick Barf (John Candy).  Lone Starr and Barf agree to rescue Princess Vespa and return her to Druidia for 1 million spacebucks so they can pay their debt to the dreaded space gangster, Pizza the Hut (Dom DeLuise).

Spaceballs is loaded with comedic talent.  Not only getting some of the hottest comedians of the 1980s like John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dick Van Patten, and Joan Rivers; but also getting people like Michael Winslow (Police Academy movies), Jim J. Bullock (Hollywood Squares), and John Hurt (Alien) to do cameos.

Without spoiling much more of a must see sci-fi parody comedy, my favorite scene is the diner scene.  I will say no more about it.  If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about.

Easily one of Mel Brooks' best movies.  It's a laugh riot from start to finish and one of my personal favorites. 

From the Vault: High Anxiety

The 1977 comedy from Mel Brooks looks at the work of The Master of Suspense: Alfred Hitchcock.  Of the movies parodied, Vertigo is the most prominent.  Also seen are parodies of The Birds, Psycho, Spellbound, North by Northwest, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Tom Curtain, Shadow of a Doubt, The Ring, The Thirty-Nine Steps, Suspicion, Notorious, Under Capricorn, Dial M For Murder, The Wrong Man, Frenzy, Family Plot, Rebecca, and The Lodger: The Story of the London Fog.

(Notable Hitchcock movies not parodied: Strangers on a Train and Rear Window)

Mel Brooks himself plays the lead role of Dr. Thorndyke, the chief psychologist at the Psycho-Neurotic Institute for the very VERY Nervous.  While there he suspects something is wrong with Dr. Montague and the head nurse Nurse Diesel played by Harvey Korman and Cloris Leachman respectively. 

With all the suspicion surrounding the Institute, it is also discovered that Dr. Thorndyke suffers from High Anxiety.  A condition that causes him to go into panic attacks and lose equilibrium.  So, in other words High Anxiety is Vertigo.

My personal favorite scene is either the parody of Psycho or The Birds.  In the Psycho parody a highly strung bell boy is asked for a newspaper which ends with the bell boy repeatedly stabbing Dr. Thorndyke in the shower with the paper while screaching "Here's your paper!"

The parody of The Birds has Dr. Thorndyke sitting in a park reading a newspaper when birds start to appear.  Leading up to the birds repeatedly pooping on him.

This was Mel Brooks' third film and the first where he had a speaking role as the lead.  (His second movie was Silent Movie where nobody talked out loud.)  This movie doesn't lack for creativity, a staple of all Mel Brooks movies.  If you haven't seen it yet, it is one worth watching.  You'll never hear the words "fruit cup" again without laughing.

From the Vault: John Carpenter's The Thing

With the prequel/remake hitting theaters it's only fair to talk about the original.  Actually, even this movie is a remake of an earlier movie called, "The Thing From Another World" made back in 1951. 

This has to be one of the best horror/sci-fi movies ever made.  The Thing makes perfect use of practical effects.  The special effects are not CGI but uses stop motion animation.  The musical score created by Ennio Morricone while simplistic is striking and memorable.  The mimicing of the heartbeat is heard throughout the movie. 

The movie starts with a lone dog running across the snowy landscape being shot at by helicopter.  We learn why soon enough when the turns out to be the mysterious alien "thing".  What makes the "thing" so scary is the same reason we are scared of the shark in Jaws.  We never see it.  When we do see it, we usually see it in a transition phase.  We see it in a process of absorbing someone or tearing itself apart to form something else.  The thing was intelligent.  It adapted to better conseal itself.  It would purposefully leave false information pointing to someone else as the thing.  When attacked, it would change to defend itself.  All while keeping a low profile in hiding and building a spaceship without anyone ever noticing.

The atmosphere of the movie should be a lesson to all future filmmakers.  It's set in Antartica but they shot the movie in northern Canada.  And it was cold.  They saw their breath and the cold added to the danger and the isolation the characters felt.  Since they felt it, the audience felt it.  In most monster/slasher movies, one complaint people have is that they never run away.  In this movie, running away is just as life threatening as staying.  They would freeze to death if they just ran away. 

The characters are all memorable and it doesn't take long to learn much about them either.  Take MacReady.  We learn so much about him in a single scene.  We have a scene where MacReady is playing chess on the computer.  While he's playing he has a glass of scotch in his hand.  The computer beats him and he very calmly dumps the drink into the computer frying it.  Then he just says, "Cheating bitch" just as calmly.  What did we learn about MacReady from this scene?  We learned that he is intelligent, impulsive, a drunk, and abnormally calm.  All things that come into play later when he takes charge after the thing is revealed.  He's the one to think of the idea of a blood test.  He's the one holding a gun to people's heads ready to kill them if they don't do what he says. 

If you haven't seen this movie yet, it will blow you away.  But I offer this challenge.  For those that love CGI in movies, watch this and see how good practical effects look and how much of a different reaction you get from the actors when they actually see something in front of them rather than leaving it up to their imagination. 

This movie must be watched.  It's too good to pass up.

From the Vault: Birdemic Shock and Terror

Made fairly recently in 2009, Birdemic: Shock and Terror is a movie you have to see to believe.  The very idea that a movie this bad exists can't be adequately described.  It's the ultimate drinking game.  Take a drink whenever the director screws up the most basic filmmaking 101 no-nos.  I'm not kidding when I say there are scenes in the movie that are not just choppy and pointless, but sometimes out of focus.  They hold on finished scenes and it looks like the actors finished their lines and are waiting to go home. 

I think the most accurate description I can think of comes from the Superman comics.  In the Superman comics, Darkseid scours the universe looking for what he calls the "anti-life equation."  An equation that would give total control over free will and mathematically proves the futility of existence.  I call Birdemic the "anti-movie equation."

Birdemic is a story about a guy falling in love.  And then birds start attacking people and exploding.  I wish I was kidding.  Armed with trusty coat hangers (no you read that correctly) four friends try valiently to fight off the birds while learning a valuable lesson about polluting.  No I'm not making any of this up. 

It simply has to be seen to be believed.  Just be sure to have your Birdemic: Shock and Terror movie survival kit.  Your standard Birdemic: Shock and Terror movie survival kit comes with no fewer than two snarky friends to help you make fun of it, 3 kinds of chips, salsa of your choice, several ready cans of coke, a rubber mallet for that wonderful feeling of smashing the DVD to pieces once it's over.

Enjoy!

From the Vault: Gremlins

A nice little tounge-in-cheek monster movie taking place around Christmas.  Made back in 1984, Gremlins is the campy, cult hit that made Phoebe Cates famous.

When encountering a Gremlin, it's important to follow the rules... each one more silly than the rest.  1) Don't expose them to sunlight because it kills them.  2) Don't get them wet.  and most importantly 3) Don't feed them after midnight.  I told you they got silly as we go along.  So silly that they are made into a joke in Gremlins 2: The New Batch. 

Gizmo the Mogwai is a cute little fuzzy singing thing (voiced by Howie Mandel) And one fateful day a down on his luck inventor named Rand Peltzer (Hoyt Axton) buys him as a pet for his son, Billy.  (Zach Galligan)  In the beginning everything is ok.  But then the rules were broken.

First, Gizmo gets wet and that caused Gizmo to shoot Mogwai eggs out of his back.  When the eggs hatched, we now have several Mogwai but these ones are not so well behaved.  And when they eat after midnight, they turn into lizard like beasts of destruction.

Gremlins is hilarious.  Once there is an entire army of Gremlins on the loose, they don't systematically try to destroy the town, they have maybe the most epic Christmas party ever!  They're drinking, gambling, watching movies, singing... they have a BALL!  The only person who dies is the one person in the entire town you WANT to die.  Mrs. Deagle (Patty Halliday) is Ebenezer Scrooge in a dress.  Except where Scrooge had redeeming qualities, she actively tries to murder small animals.  I'm not kidding.  Her death scene is worth the price of the DVD alone.

Give this one a watch for great 80s fun.