Going into this movie, I already knew what kind of movie it was going to be. This is a slapstick movie for gore fans. It's a bloody version of the Three Stooges. It's Itchy and Scratchy. It's a Tom and Jerry cartoon. It's not scary. In fact, if someone were to describe this as a dark comedy, then it's a masterpiece. It's one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. It's meant to be uncomfortable because of all the blood and death, but after it happens, I heard laughter in the theater more than once. It's a good movie to laugh at people dieing because the death scenes are just rediculous. So, yeah. I enjoyed it. The acting is terrible, it's stupid, there's no story at all, but try and tap into that sadistic side of your personality and enjoy the carnage.
I wish I could've seen it in 3D. From the title screens, things are flying at you immediately. This movie meets my criteria for acceptable 3D. It's cheesy schlock that shouldn't be taken too seriously and it was specifically shot for 3D with all the different 3D specific scenes throughout the movie.
I tried to look up the correct word to describe this movie. I think the word is "irony" but that word is often misused. I wanted to use the correct word to describe it. It's not coincidence. That doesn't fit. What word would you use? A gymnast who has been doing it for 15 years dies doing a dismount off the uneven bars? I know: Tragedy. But we are talking about a movie here. I keep wanting to say it's "ironic" but I'm not sure if that's the correct term. Since my dictionary isn't much help, I'm just going to use the word "irony."
That really does sum up this movie though. It's irony. It's ironic that a guy would get a premonition about being killed and unable to do anything about it. It's ironic that the only person in the movie with bad eyesight gets killed while going in for laser eye surgery. Isn't it? That's why I don't think it's "death" trying to get these characters, but some kind of manifestation of "irony."
Here's what we learn in this movie: 1) Death doesn't like to be cheated. They say that enough during the movie that it is the most important. So, if you survive a deadly encounter via supernatural means, you might as well just off yourself. If you don't, then death is going to have some fun killing you in increasingly hilarious situations. 2) Death has a quota. Yep. If you do somehow survive a deadly encounter via supernatural means, then you can kill someone and then you get that person's life. All the remaining time that person had on this Earth gets traded for yours. So, it doesn't matter who. Just got to fill a quota for the day.
Here I will run down the list of the death scenes and if you don't want to know, then don't read further. SPOILERS! But I do want to make my case for how ironic this movie really is. But really, you should already know how this ends.
1) The gymnast. Candice is an 18 year old intern at this company. (I think they said they were a paper manufacturer or something.) And I seriously hope she is 18 because it's clear she's in high school and she is having sex with not Tom Cruise. (Peter: played by Miles Fisher. All kidding aside, he looks and sounds just like a young Tom Cruise. It's eerie.) She does her first routine on the beam. While she does that, a screw falls point up on the beam. She misses it, finishes her routine and moves to the uneven bars. While this is happening, water is falling on an exposed power chord. Ignore this because it's just misdirection. What happens is someone else steps on the screw, falls over, knocks the chalk tray into a fan, it blows in Candice's face and she falls off the uneven bars, breaks her back and is folded like a pancake. backwards. Here's the irony: she's been doing gymnastics for a long time. And to have a freak accident like this and to kill her when it wouldn't kill anyone else. If you fall on the uneven bars, it'll hurt, but I doubt it would make you into a human accordian. Humans are a fragile species, but we aren't made of jello. Trained gymnast killed in freak gymnastics accident. irony.
2) The Massage Parlor. This guy Isaac is the one I especially wanted to see die in an agonizing way. He's fat, balding, wears glasses, one of the biggest womanizers on the planet, and just an all around unpleasant guy. When everyone dies, he goes to their cubicles and steals their spare change. He even steals a certificate for a free massage at this massage parlor. *wink* So he goes into the room, makes fun of the statue of Buddha on the wall (yes I mention this for a reason), and lies down. He gets worked over pretty hard and then has needles stuck in him. He's told to sleep for 30 minutes and the lady leaves. Just then the towel with alcohol catches on fire, the table breaks, all the needles get driven in to his body, and just before the fire reaches him, the shelf holding the Buddha statue falls and crushes his head. Yep. He makes fun of how heavy the Buddha is and then is crushed by it. Irony!
3) Laser Eye Surgery gone wrong. Olivia is a b****. She hears that Candice dies and she is almost cheering. So, she goes to get laser eye surgery because her eyes are really bad and she hates wearing glasses. She is strapped in and the doctor leaves because the paperwork is incomplete. In the meantime she is so nervous about the whole thing she pops the eye off the teddy bear the doctor gave her for her nerves. Before all this, she leaves a cup of water on the water cooler. It falls off and short circuts the outlet. Then the short circut goes into the laser controls. It activates at about 10 times normal strength and now looks more like the laser beam from Independence Day before it destroyed the Emprie State Building. It burns out her eye, she struggles to get free from the table, somehow she gets knocked out the window and on to a car. Then her eye falls out of her head and a car runs over it. Irony overload!
4) The death sidestep: It's established that if one of them kills another person, they would get all the remaining time that person had on Earth. Because like I said, Death has a quota and doesn't really care who. So, our token black guy, Nathan accidentily kills a guy he doesn't like. (could be on purpose. Not 100% clear) So, Nathan lives. More on him later.
5) Monkeying around. Before Nathan killed this guy, (his name is Roy but nobody cares. He's an ass) Roy put a giant wrench on a hot boiler. By the time the boss, Dennis, comes down to ask a few questions, it explodes from the heat and buries itself in his head. What's the irony here? Well, before he shows, the others were talking about who died in what order. Before he could answer, in pops Dennis and dies. Irony to the face!
6) The thrilling conclusion: Not Tom Cruise is in painful mourning over losing his 18 year old girlfriend and he figures it's not fair that his best friend's girlfriend lives. (Molly) So, he's going to kill her to sacrifice to Death. Ever since the setup, the police have been investigating these people because they thought Sam, the guy who had the preminition, was a terrorist. Not Tom Cruise shoots the cop instead. Now, he wants to kill Molly because she is a witness to the murder of a federal agent. Long story short, Sam kills Peter and that means Sam gets the cop's life. I guess lives are transferrable. It makes sense in the context of the movie. But here's the irony! The cop had only 2 weeks left to live! Remember that old cliche about cops dieing 2 weeks before they retire? I do! Sam and Molly get on an airplane to France because he got an internship to be a chef. The plane crashes. Sam and Molly both die.
7) Now remember I said Nathan lived because he killed that ass**** Roy? Turns out he was terminally ill! Oops! The crashing plane falls on him and he dies.
But the ultimate irony has to be the whole plot of the movie. Sam gets a preminiton that saves his life and the lives of 8 others. But that's the gag. There is no hope of saving these people. So, if you get deadly preminition, you might as well sit back, relax, have a poptart, and enjoy the show. Logically, one would think that this priminition was means someone is trying to warn them. That they were supposed to live. Nope. It's Death just messing with them. It's Death's sense of humor. He wanted to have a little bit of fun at their expense. An event that saves your life marks you for death. That is irony.
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