Today was a game of movie roulette. I didn't know what was in the theaters and I didn't know what time anything was playing. I just went to the theater, found a movie playing in English, and decided I'm going to watch. It turned out to be Abduction. That's why it's called a gamble I suppose.
I wasn't looking forward to this movie at all. Taylor Lautner is a terrible actor. In this movie, he was just horrible. I'd say the biggest problem he has is that he's too reserved. He never expresses much emotion in his voice. His face also is not very expressive. He is a poor choice to be a leading man. Not that Lily Collins was any better by any stretch. The only actor in the whole movie giving any kind of performance was Alfred Molina. If that guy can make Dr. Octopus in Spiderman 2 seem threatening, he's a hell of an actor.
If I had to give my overall impression, it would be this: It's a bad movie, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong. I didn't like it. But I didn't like it for some specific reasons. It's not like Colombiana where the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. Unlike that monstrosity, Abduction is largely filmed well. The story, while having some notable exceptions that I'll get into shortly, was tightly told. There weren't nearly as many WTF scenes as I thought there would be. Right now on rottentomatoes.com as I write this, it's sitting at 4%! That means the critics liked Season of the Witch more than this! Believe me, Abduction is not that bad.
So here's the story. Nathan (Lautner) is a carefree 18 year old pain in the neck much like all teenagers. He has a loving family that likes to beat the crap out of him... oh sorry... train him to fight, he has a close knit circle of friends (only 1 we see after the opening scene) and a beautiful girl with a massive crush on him that lives next door (dating some other douchebag). Then while doing research for a sociology paper with Karen (Lily Collins) he discovers that he is on a missing person's website.
Ok. I feel I need to stop here for a minute. How awesome of an idea is this part right here? This idea alone just screams all kinds of drama. Nathan has a life he never knew about, a family he never knew, and the people he called Mom and Dad just might be violent kidnappers hanging out in suburbia! I'm sure someone out there has already written this movie! But here comes the twist...
SPOILERS!
Nathan is the son of a CIA black ops agent and he was put into protective custody by his father and the agency to keep him away from foreign operatives. And that's the second act of the movie. The bad guys find him, the CIA is trying to find him, Nathan is running away with Karen from both groups, and he doesn't know who to trust.
This is where the wheels fall off. The introduction of the CIA super spy element into the movie just makes it a mess. Instead of exploring the emotional fire hose that comes with realizing your entire life was a lie, instead we get fight scenes and a way too complicated plot. Let me try and straighten the latter part out. Nathan's real father is a CIA deep undercover agent. He stole a like a NOC list of 25 CIA agent's names from a foreign operative. Now that operative wants it back. It sounds simple, but then there's the whole thing with the fake parents being CIA agents, the psychologist also being a CIA agent, the lead CIA agent wants to get the list because his name is on it and that is bad because... the plot said it was. Believe me. They had to explain the Act II plot twice and it still wasn't ever clear.
Already I have a problem. The Title. The title of the movie is Abduction. But there wasn't ever any abductions! In fact, the most interesting part of the movie became null right at about the 30 minute mark.
While there wasn't any one "movie breaker" moment, there were a few scenes that pushed my buttons.
1) Right at the beginning of the movie, we see Nathan riding on the hood of the car and his friend driving at around 70 mph. Not a good way to endeer me to this character. Instead I see a reckless dumbass about to go get liqured up at a party. Yeah. I don't like him.
2) While Nathan and Karen are on the train, they start to get intimate. The reminice, start kissing, and start taking their clothes off. Then, Karen just stops and says, "I'll go get food." Problem #1 that is very jarring. They go from hot and heavy, to normal in about a second. Problem #2 this is so contrived it makes my head hurt. There's guys chasing you so Karen thinks it's a good idea to split up? She's an idiot. Problem #3 and I admit this is nitpicking but while she is getting food, she casually picks up a Milky Way and says in her vally girl voice, "He'll like this." Why not put up a big neon sign at the bottom blinking "PRODUCT PLACEMENT"
3) And this one will probably only bother me. It's in the trailers but during the climax, Nathan slides down a glass ceiling. To get away from the bad guy, Kazlow. (Michael Nyqvist) It bothered me because Jackie Chan did the exact same stunt about 13 years ago in Who Am I? Get it? Who Am I? As in I don't know who I am? As in Nathan doesn't know who he is? Jackie had amnesia and Lautner was lied to his whole life? So, Jackie Chan did it first, he did it better, and he didn't almost break his fool leg landing. It's nitpicky and I doubt anyone else would've known since Who Am I? is one of Jackie Chan's least known movies outside of China, but it's one of my favorites and I didn't like watching Lautner rip off Jackie Chan!
4) The end of the climax Kazlow is running after Nathan and this is where I stop believing he is any kind of threat as a spy. THE GUY IS RUNNING AND YELLING AT NATHAN HE IS GOING TO SHOOT HIM WHILE HAVING THE GUN OVER HIS HEAD! IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE! He has a gun. He has both hands on the gun. His hands are over his head. He is running and yelling his murderous intent within earshot of hundreds of Pirates fans. And this is supposed to be some kind of super spy?
5) They are at the party. Nathan sees his dream girl arrive with her boyfriend. The boyfriend is an asshole. He bumps into Nathan just because he wanted to pick a fight. One can assume that he's jealous that his girlfriend lives next door to him and she likes him, but they never explore this. The next scene we see the boyfriend him and Karen broke up. But that's not what annoys me. This is by far the best example of how bad an actor Lautner is. The guy says, "be careful" or something else equally duchebaggery. Lautner, in his most monotone voice ever, says, "excuse yourself you bumped into me." And I don't think I saw his lips move. I think they dubbed that line in! And he showed no emotion at all.
I know I just went ragging on the movie, but really it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. The action scenes again are the same fast forward, extreme closeup, shaky camera scenes that piss me off so much; but overall it is filmed pretty well. The plot is overworked and the acting is lifeless. But it could've been far worse.
It's worth a dollar in the redbox.
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