I liked this movie but I didn't really care for it all that much. It's a movie that just wants you to cry. But it just tries way too hard to do it. It's full of heart wrenching moments and after the first act, it just comes across as forced.
It reminds me a lot of American Tale. It's another story where the whole movie surrounds a great tragedy. While American Tale was all about Fivel and his adventure home, War Horse was more about the people around him. It was about the story of the people he touched. It's a shame because the horse showed so much personality and he wasn't the major focus of the story.
The horse (I call him horse because he changes names several times) begins as a farm horse and is then sold to a British officer as his personal mount during World War I. From there it's a story about how the horse went from one owner to the next.
It's a decent movie. It's Spielburg. It's heavy on scenery and visuals to enhance the mood. I just felt the acting was severely lacking and detracted from the whole experience. It's pretty good but I just can't recommend it.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Top 10 Best movies of 2011 (That I saw)
Since I've given my opinion on the worst movies I saw this year, I will now share the movies I really enjoyed. Believe it or not, I saw a lot of really good movies. Many I enjoyed mostly because of how campy they were. Again, I obviously don't have the time, money, or the ability to go see every movie made this year, so I will instead focus on the movies I did go see. So, again there will probably be some movies I don't mention because I might not have watched it. To honor some movies I probably would've liked had I saw them, I'll have a list of honorable mentions. I hope to see them at some point, but I just didn't get around to it for various reasons. Without any further delay:
10) Paranormal Activity 3
This was a really scary movie. This is a "lost footage" movie done well. It's not going to win any converts, but if you want an example of how a low budget movie can be done for maximum effect, it's the Paranormal Activity series. Paranormal Activity 3 I felt wasn't as strong as the second one but it still was able to find creative and fun ways to scare the audience to death. It's heavy on atmosphere and gets you breathing hard without much effort. It's beautiful in it's simplicity. Give it a shot.
9) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
As a stand alone movie it's not very satisfying but it's not meant to be a stand alone movie. This is the epic conclusion to a grand saga stretching out over seven other movies. If you aren't a fan of this series you have no business watching the movie. But for those that watched from the beginning, this was the ending you wanted. A lot of action and a lot of emotion coupled with a grand adventure. Just a great conclusion to a great series.
8) X-Men: First Class
Other than probably being mis-titled, this movie had very few flaws worth pointing out. But I will say this: I'm not sure who the protagonist of this story is supposed to be. While it's easy to say that Charles Xavier is the moral high ground, much of the story is around Magnito. This is his story. We spend far more time developing his character and why he made the choices he did. And in the end we get a truely ambiguous/bitter sweet ending. That's what made me like this movie so much. It didn't preach, it mearly showed and let the audience decide for themselves. Would you follow the high ideals of Prof. X despite the betrayals and constant prejudice of the human race, or become militant and distrustful along with Magnito? There isn't a definitive answer. It's a super hero movie and it takes itself just serious enough to be a great new beginning.
7) Paul
I honestly don't know what it is I like about this movie. Maybe I just relate to the two vacationing nerds looking to have some kind of alien/sci-fi adventure traveling to all these spooky, known alien hotspots and telling scary stories. It sounds like a lot of fun. But then they meet a real alien: Paul. And his very presence starts challenging the way we think about life, religion, and our place in the universe... and then we see a very crude, potty mouthed alien who talks like he's had one beer too many. It's a buddy road trip movie with lots of nods to sci-fi geeks right down to a cameo by Sigorney Weaver! And best of all, it's funny!
6) Adventures of Tintin
This is an old fashioned adventure/treasure hunt. It's fun and full of colorful characters bound to entertain. The action is quick, the humor is spot on, and the story unfolds in a very satifying way. This movie has everything: the highly intelligent lovable dog, the grizzly old sea captain, the plucky news man, pirates, motorcycle chases, gun fights, crime, murder, shadowy figures, and even a little opera. I had a great time seeing it, and I hope you do as well.
5) Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
In my top 10 worst list I mentioned Mission Impossible and Season of the Witch as examples of movies that had a great idea, and then chose to be stupid. Here is what I mean by a dumb action movie that can also be intelligent. I loved this movie. The banter between Holmes and Watson really carried it. There were things about it I didn't like, sure. But, what made me really love this movie was the inclusion of Moriarty. He is just an awesome villian. Suave, charming, intelligent, and if you cross him, he will end you. The way we are introduced to him is such a chilling moment and highlights just how dangerous this guy can be. The perfect foil for the world's greatest detective.
4) Captain America: The First Avenger
Great comic book movies are such a rare breed. But this one is just phenominal. Everything about this movie just clicked in the right way. The music, the acting, the scenery... everything was just perfect. What I especially loved was how they came to explain the goofy costume and the shield. They completely rewrote the back story but did so in a very credible way. And Captain America actually acts like a real hero. I know he has super strength and all that, but it's very clear the strength of his character is what makes him a hero. That inspires all the other characters in the movie and gives us the audience someone to pull for and sympathize with. I laughed, I cheered, and I cried. It was exactly the kind of comic book movie we need.
3) Source Code
The goal of any good science fiction story is to challenge our perceptions and inspire us to think about things in an entirely different way. This movie does that and then some. It's all about the nature of time and the inner workings of the human mind. It's about how we face death and what could lie beyond. It's about how far we as a society would go to save lives and keep our country safe. It's about how we should seize the day for who knows what will happen tomorrow. There's so much to talk about with this movie and it's hard to keep the summary short. It's a facinating movie and well worth your time.
2) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
While I certainly understand why people reject this movie for being a needless prequel devoid of the surprise twist in the original Planet of the Apes, I think this one had a lot more to offer than a 'twilight zone' type twist ending. Andy Serkis brought so much life to Caesar the monkey. A character we see go through the best of times and the worst of times until his inevitable rise to leadership of the simian race. I agree that this was a movie that didn't necessarily need to be made to enhance the original, I'm still glad they did. It's a cautionary tale of man messing in matters we just aren't equipped to handle. It's about growing up and finding our own place in the world. It's impactful, it's emotional, and it's a great watch.
1) Contagion
If this movie doesn't win some kind of award, there is no justice. This is a movie without much of an agenda. This isn't a cautionary tale about how we live. This isn't trying to tell you what we as a society need to do differently. In fact, it's saying the exact opposite. There isn't anything we can do. Things are going to happen. People are going to die. There are 'superbugs' out there waiting to cause the next global pandemic and really there isn't anything anyone can do to prevent it. The entire movie felt less like a movie and more like a future dramatized documentary. As if these events happened sometime in the past and this was what it's like. Other than a few minor points, nothing in this movie felt forced or artificial. It's very restrained and somber. I've talked with several people who became somewhat germophobic after seeing this movie. Is there no higher praise for a great horror movie? And yes I consider this to be a horror movie. It's real people reacting in logical ways to a very real threat. And watching just how easily human society can break down scares the hell out of me.
Honorable Mentions:
The Company Men, From Prada to Nada, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, Hanna, Water for Elephants, Bridesmaids, Kung Fu Panda 2, Fright Night, Larry Crowne, The Help, Straw Dogs, Creature, Machine Gun Preacher, Hugo, The Muppets, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
10) Paranormal Activity 3
This was a really scary movie. This is a "lost footage" movie done well. It's not going to win any converts, but if you want an example of how a low budget movie can be done for maximum effect, it's the Paranormal Activity series. Paranormal Activity 3 I felt wasn't as strong as the second one but it still was able to find creative and fun ways to scare the audience to death. It's heavy on atmosphere and gets you breathing hard without much effort. It's beautiful in it's simplicity. Give it a shot.
9) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
As a stand alone movie it's not very satisfying but it's not meant to be a stand alone movie. This is the epic conclusion to a grand saga stretching out over seven other movies. If you aren't a fan of this series you have no business watching the movie. But for those that watched from the beginning, this was the ending you wanted. A lot of action and a lot of emotion coupled with a grand adventure. Just a great conclusion to a great series.
8) X-Men: First Class
Other than probably being mis-titled, this movie had very few flaws worth pointing out. But I will say this: I'm not sure who the protagonist of this story is supposed to be. While it's easy to say that Charles Xavier is the moral high ground, much of the story is around Magnito. This is his story. We spend far more time developing his character and why he made the choices he did. And in the end we get a truely ambiguous/bitter sweet ending. That's what made me like this movie so much. It didn't preach, it mearly showed and let the audience decide for themselves. Would you follow the high ideals of Prof. X despite the betrayals and constant prejudice of the human race, or become militant and distrustful along with Magnito? There isn't a definitive answer. It's a super hero movie and it takes itself just serious enough to be a great new beginning.
7) Paul
I honestly don't know what it is I like about this movie. Maybe I just relate to the two vacationing nerds looking to have some kind of alien/sci-fi adventure traveling to all these spooky, known alien hotspots and telling scary stories. It sounds like a lot of fun. But then they meet a real alien: Paul. And his very presence starts challenging the way we think about life, religion, and our place in the universe... and then we see a very crude, potty mouthed alien who talks like he's had one beer too many. It's a buddy road trip movie with lots of nods to sci-fi geeks right down to a cameo by Sigorney Weaver! And best of all, it's funny!
6) Adventures of Tintin
This is an old fashioned adventure/treasure hunt. It's fun and full of colorful characters bound to entertain. The action is quick, the humor is spot on, and the story unfolds in a very satifying way. This movie has everything: the highly intelligent lovable dog, the grizzly old sea captain, the plucky news man, pirates, motorcycle chases, gun fights, crime, murder, shadowy figures, and even a little opera. I had a great time seeing it, and I hope you do as well.
5) Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
In my top 10 worst list I mentioned Mission Impossible and Season of the Witch as examples of movies that had a great idea, and then chose to be stupid. Here is what I mean by a dumb action movie that can also be intelligent. I loved this movie. The banter between Holmes and Watson really carried it. There were things about it I didn't like, sure. But, what made me really love this movie was the inclusion of Moriarty. He is just an awesome villian. Suave, charming, intelligent, and if you cross him, he will end you. The way we are introduced to him is such a chilling moment and highlights just how dangerous this guy can be. The perfect foil for the world's greatest detective.
4) Captain America: The First Avenger
Great comic book movies are such a rare breed. But this one is just phenominal. Everything about this movie just clicked in the right way. The music, the acting, the scenery... everything was just perfect. What I especially loved was how they came to explain the goofy costume and the shield. They completely rewrote the back story but did so in a very credible way. And Captain America actually acts like a real hero. I know he has super strength and all that, but it's very clear the strength of his character is what makes him a hero. That inspires all the other characters in the movie and gives us the audience someone to pull for and sympathize with. I laughed, I cheered, and I cried. It was exactly the kind of comic book movie we need.
3) Source Code
The goal of any good science fiction story is to challenge our perceptions and inspire us to think about things in an entirely different way. This movie does that and then some. It's all about the nature of time and the inner workings of the human mind. It's about how we face death and what could lie beyond. It's about how far we as a society would go to save lives and keep our country safe. It's about how we should seize the day for who knows what will happen tomorrow. There's so much to talk about with this movie and it's hard to keep the summary short. It's a facinating movie and well worth your time.
2) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
While I certainly understand why people reject this movie for being a needless prequel devoid of the surprise twist in the original Planet of the Apes, I think this one had a lot more to offer than a 'twilight zone' type twist ending. Andy Serkis brought so much life to Caesar the monkey. A character we see go through the best of times and the worst of times until his inevitable rise to leadership of the simian race. I agree that this was a movie that didn't necessarily need to be made to enhance the original, I'm still glad they did. It's a cautionary tale of man messing in matters we just aren't equipped to handle. It's about growing up and finding our own place in the world. It's impactful, it's emotional, and it's a great watch.
1) Contagion
If this movie doesn't win some kind of award, there is no justice. This is a movie without much of an agenda. This isn't a cautionary tale about how we live. This isn't trying to tell you what we as a society need to do differently. In fact, it's saying the exact opposite. There isn't anything we can do. Things are going to happen. People are going to die. There are 'superbugs' out there waiting to cause the next global pandemic and really there isn't anything anyone can do to prevent it. The entire movie felt less like a movie and more like a future dramatized documentary. As if these events happened sometime in the past and this was what it's like. Other than a few minor points, nothing in this movie felt forced or artificial. It's very restrained and somber. I've talked with several people who became somewhat germophobic after seeing this movie. Is there no higher praise for a great horror movie? And yes I consider this to be a horror movie. It's real people reacting in logical ways to a very real threat. And watching just how easily human society can break down scares the hell out of me.
Honorable Mentions:
The Company Men, From Prada to Nada, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, Hanna, Water for Elephants, Bridesmaids, Kung Fu Panda 2, Fright Night, Larry Crowne, The Help, Straw Dogs, Creature, Machine Gun Preacher, Hugo, The Muppets, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Sherlock Holmes Game of Shadows Review: Well worth the wait
This is a silly movie. In many ways this is what I mean when I say silly movies can also be intelligent and not insulting to the fans. I enjoyed this movie but to be fair, it is different from the first movie. While it does up all the elements of the first, it also subtracts a lot of things that I feel are missed.
A little backstory: I'm in the process of moving. I've been extraordinarily busy. But I did manage to get to see this movie on Saturday. Except the movie was sold out. At all times. Because the theater had it on the smallest screen and at only about six different times. So, I try the 12:30 show on Saturday. Sold out. I couldn't go to the 3:00 or the 5:30 show because I had to teach a class. A class that was cancelled and I wasn't told about that. So I tried to go to the 11:30 show. Sold out. Naturally I just said to hell with the 1:30 show and I'll come back tomorrow. It's now Sunday. Christmas. I go to the 9:50 show. There's one seat left. It's in the front row all the way to the left. Worst seat in the house. But, you know what? I took it. I wasn't going to wait another four hours to see this movie. I wanted to see it, I'm tired of walking the half hour to the movie theater in the horrible cold, so I took that seat. So, yes it wasn't the most comfortable experience.
This movie is very hard to talk about without giving away spoilers. Detective movies like this I'm always afraid to give something away. The details are all significant so I can't mention one thing without giving someone the hint. And that's what I liked most about this movie. Everything happened for a specific purpose. And once there is a reveal, you see all the pieces falling together. It's not like it's a complicated plan, but it is an intricate plan to do it without getting caught.
One thing that bothered me was how Holmes seems to be able to see into the future. I'm not talking about the Green Hornet/bullet time pre-fight, but more like how Holmes can set up things many steps in advance. Everything goes according to how Holmes thinks. I know it's to establish how smart he is, but it does stretch credibility a bit.
Jared Harris as Moriarty was just brilliant. He was just so evil. He reminded me so much of Hans Greuber from Die Hard. The way he can mix high brow sophistication with barbaric brutality was just wonderful.
I miss the Inspector. Inspector Lestrade really isn't in this movie. He and Holmes had great chemestry in the first movie. I would've liked to see him. But I understand why he wasn't. It's the same reason we don't see the thought process of how Holmes starts to suspect Moriarty: the movie is already 2 hours long. Some things just had to be cut.
Stephen Frye. I could've lived a happy life never seeing him naked. But that is something I can't unsee.
I really think this is a great movie. In the beginning it was very campy, full of lots of character moments and over-the-top spots. But once it started to play itself more seriously, it was very dark and dramatic. Go see it. I loved this movie. It's well worth the hassle I went through to see it.
A little backstory: I'm in the process of moving. I've been extraordinarily busy. But I did manage to get to see this movie on Saturday. Except the movie was sold out. At all times. Because the theater had it on the smallest screen and at only about six different times. So, I try the 12:30 show on Saturday. Sold out. I couldn't go to the 3:00 or the 5:30 show because I had to teach a class. A class that was cancelled and I wasn't told about that. So I tried to go to the 11:30 show. Sold out. Naturally I just said to hell with the 1:30 show and I'll come back tomorrow. It's now Sunday. Christmas. I go to the 9:50 show. There's one seat left. It's in the front row all the way to the left. Worst seat in the house. But, you know what? I took it. I wasn't going to wait another four hours to see this movie. I wanted to see it, I'm tired of walking the half hour to the movie theater in the horrible cold, so I took that seat. So, yes it wasn't the most comfortable experience.
This movie is very hard to talk about without giving away spoilers. Detective movies like this I'm always afraid to give something away. The details are all significant so I can't mention one thing without giving someone the hint. And that's what I liked most about this movie. Everything happened for a specific purpose. And once there is a reveal, you see all the pieces falling together. It's not like it's a complicated plan, but it is an intricate plan to do it without getting caught.
One thing that bothered me was how Holmes seems to be able to see into the future. I'm not talking about the Green Hornet/bullet time pre-fight, but more like how Holmes can set up things many steps in advance. Everything goes according to how Holmes thinks. I know it's to establish how smart he is, but it does stretch credibility a bit.
Jared Harris as Moriarty was just brilliant. He was just so evil. He reminded me so much of Hans Greuber from Die Hard. The way he can mix high brow sophistication with barbaric brutality was just wonderful.
I miss the Inspector. Inspector Lestrade really isn't in this movie. He and Holmes had great chemestry in the first movie. I would've liked to see him. But I understand why he wasn't. It's the same reason we don't see the thought process of how Holmes starts to suspect Moriarty: the movie is already 2 hours long. Some things just had to be cut.
Stephen Frye. I could've lived a happy life never seeing him naked. But that is something I can't unsee.
I really think this is a great movie. In the beginning it was very campy, full of lots of character moments and over-the-top spots. But once it started to play itself more seriously, it was very dark and dramatic. Go see it. I loved this movie. It's well worth the hassle I went through to see it.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Top 10 Worst movies of 2011 (That I saw)
Opinions are very subjective on what one person likes versus another. So, I feel the need to preface my top ten list by saying that this is purely my opinion and if yours varies, it's okay. Believe it or not, I love arguing about movies. It challenges me to see things from a different perspective and I welcome criticism just as much (well, maybe slightly less) as praise. Also, there will be some movies that are downright awful that aren't on the list simply because I didn't see them. I can't exactly call a movie "the worst ever" if I hadn't seen it. I don't claim to have much credibility but I do have to be honest. So, I will include an "honorable mention" (or in this case a dishonorable mention) section of movies I probably would've hated if I saw them. So, without further adeu:
10) The Adjustment Bureau
I know a lot of people liked this movie. I didn't. I found it offensive. I am a Christian so the idea of angels directly interfering in everyday lives, the lack of free will, and a tyrannical God who is in control of everything except when things just happen randomly, I get a little irritated. It's a love story about a guy who literally defies the will of God to be with a woman he randomly met once. Love doesn't work that way. God doesn't work that way. And life doesn't work that way.
9) The Green Lantern
My favorite comic book character has finally got his own movie. The greatest comic book character to never be featured in his own movie, and it's this one. The term "lackluster" just doesn't even seem to begin to describe it. What makes it worse is that Geoff Johns, the current Green Lantern writer, was a co-producer. Did he not read the script? Did they see just how poorly they understood the character of Hal Jordan? Did he read how just horribly wrong they made Parallax? Bottom line: this is a movie that satified nobody. Fans of the Green Lantern felt betrayed and non-fans either watched a terrible movie or just didn't bother to go and see it.
8) Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon
Way. Too. Long! I could go on and on about the childishness of Michael Bay. Transformers 3 has been his vechicle to play out all his sophomoric humor, his man crush on all things US Military, and random sexy women pin-up fantasies. Just throw in some giant robots fighting and people will go and see it. Despite all the action scenes in the hour long climax being illogical and over-the-top, the final hour of the movie isn't too bad. But wasting an hour and a half just to get to anything good was a test of endurance of monumental proportions. By the time anything fun happened I had already been witness to John Malcovich acting like an idiot, Shia LeBeouf acting like Shia LeBeouf, THE ANNOYING PARENTS, and yes even Ken Jeong "Deep Wang"ing me. I could go on forever on the poor characterization and how all the decepticons look alike, but why bother? It's an all around stupid movie.
7) Season of the Witch
Here's the first example of a story that had promise but decided it wanted to be stupid instead. A woman is accused of being a witch and Nic Cage along with Ron Pearlman have to bring her to a monestary for trial. And of course she isn't a witch, but instead she's a demon. And the last part of the movie again proved that the entire movie was completely pointless. She could fly to the monestary. Instead she just wanted to go for a ride and torment and try to stop the people from taking her to the exact place she wants to go. I'm not against stupid movies. But I am against stupid movies that treat me like I'm stupid and make me feel stupid for paying the money to go see it.
6) Immortals
What else can I say? They changed the story. A timeless tale of action and adventure just wasn't good enough so they had to change it so they can lecture us on politics and religion. Yes, there were some good fight scenes, but if Mickey Rourke can't save your movie, it's time to rethink what you're doing.
5) Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Again another movie that had a very interesting premise but decided it would rather be a dumb action flick. Much of the movie felt like they were trying to go back to the original Mission Impossible movie. The first one was a challenging story with some great, over-the-top effects. But this movie, we have actually very few death defying scenes and a house of cards story so thin I truely believe the whole scenario could've been avoided with a single phone call. Just like Season of the Witch, I felt dumber having seen it.
4) Colombiana
This movie is so bad I literally could plan a college level course on movie making just pointing out how dumb it is. It can't even be called a satisfying action movie since there is so little action! Zoe Saldana has really come into her own as an actress scoring roles in movies like Avatar and Star Trek, but in her first movie as the lead, she couldn't have done a worse job. Here's a tip, if there are more sex scenes than action scenes in your PG-13 movie, it's going to SUCK!
3) The Last Godfather
Holy crap I wanted to claw my eyes out after this one! How can I describe how annoying this movie is? Imagine if Steve Urkel were functionally retarded, in his mid 40s, Korean, and made the head of a crime family. That's this movie! The two nicest things I can say about this movie are 1) You didn't see it. It did so poorly in the Asian market it was never released in the USA, and 2) It's another failed experiment by a Korean director/actor to introduce Korean culture to an American audience. Korean humor is a lot of sight gags, pratfalls, and goofy faces. It's the kind of humor that doesn't work with an American audience over the age of eight. This and D-War are why good Korean movies will never be mainstream in America.
2) In Time
This is less of a movie and more a collection of time related puns. I hated Justin Timberlake's character. Just substitute "time" with "ice" and you would've had Mr. Freeze from Batman and Robin. An absolutely annoying movie with nothing to add to any conversation. Sci-fi movies are meant to be challenging and show us other ways of thinking about life and science. This one just didn't. It was dull, drab, and titanically stupid.
1) Battle: Los Angeles
This one deserves top honors not only for being the worst movie of the year, but one of the worst alien invasion movies ever made. It had all the pacing of It Conquered the World sitting on a blender. This was a B movie with way too big a budget to be any fun. And you can tell a lot of money went into explosions because it sure didn't go into the acting or cinematography. Every scene was shot like it was on a handheld camera. I literally got motion sick watching all the shaking. There also wasn't a plot! All it showed, was a team of marines on one mission. It wasn't a special mission of any kind. It wasn't one of those "turn the tide" type missions. It was a very basic mission of search and rescue. I know missions like that are important, but they don't exactly make for a whole lot of drama in an alien invasion movie. Plus, with all the shaking I never got to see the aliens. The movie relied a lot on pointless action sequences with no real plot that I just couldn't stand to look at for more than twenty minutes. Battle: Los Angeles is destined for infamy.
Honorable Mentions:
Sucker Punch, The Dilemma, The Rite, Restless, Gnomeo and Juliet, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, Big Mama's House 3, Unknown, I Am Number 4, Scream 4, Apollo 18, Fast Five, Conan the Barbarian, Cars 2, The Smurfs, Prist, Bad Teacher, Mr. Popper's Penguins, Zookeeper, Red State, Jumping the Broom, The Chaperone, Alvin and the Chipmonks: Chipwrecked, Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 1.
10) The Adjustment Bureau
I know a lot of people liked this movie. I didn't. I found it offensive. I am a Christian so the idea of angels directly interfering in everyday lives, the lack of free will, and a tyrannical God who is in control of everything except when things just happen randomly, I get a little irritated. It's a love story about a guy who literally defies the will of God to be with a woman he randomly met once. Love doesn't work that way. God doesn't work that way. And life doesn't work that way.
9) The Green Lantern
My favorite comic book character has finally got his own movie. The greatest comic book character to never be featured in his own movie, and it's this one. The term "lackluster" just doesn't even seem to begin to describe it. What makes it worse is that Geoff Johns, the current Green Lantern writer, was a co-producer. Did he not read the script? Did they see just how poorly they understood the character of Hal Jordan? Did he read how just horribly wrong they made Parallax? Bottom line: this is a movie that satified nobody. Fans of the Green Lantern felt betrayed and non-fans either watched a terrible movie or just didn't bother to go and see it.
8) Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon
Way. Too. Long! I could go on and on about the childishness of Michael Bay. Transformers 3 has been his vechicle to play out all his sophomoric humor, his man crush on all things US Military, and random sexy women pin-up fantasies. Just throw in some giant robots fighting and people will go and see it. Despite all the action scenes in the hour long climax being illogical and over-the-top, the final hour of the movie isn't too bad. But wasting an hour and a half just to get to anything good was a test of endurance of monumental proportions. By the time anything fun happened I had already been witness to John Malcovich acting like an idiot, Shia LeBeouf acting like Shia LeBeouf, THE ANNOYING PARENTS, and yes even Ken Jeong "Deep Wang"ing me. I could go on forever on the poor characterization and how all the decepticons look alike, but why bother? It's an all around stupid movie.
7) Season of the Witch
Here's the first example of a story that had promise but decided it wanted to be stupid instead. A woman is accused of being a witch and Nic Cage along with Ron Pearlman have to bring her to a monestary for trial. And of course she isn't a witch, but instead she's a demon. And the last part of the movie again proved that the entire movie was completely pointless. She could fly to the monestary. Instead she just wanted to go for a ride and torment and try to stop the people from taking her to the exact place she wants to go. I'm not against stupid movies. But I am against stupid movies that treat me like I'm stupid and make me feel stupid for paying the money to go see it.
6) Immortals
What else can I say? They changed the story. A timeless tale of action and adventure just wasn't good enough so they had to change it so they can lecture us on politics and religion. Yes, there were some good fight scenes, but if Mickey Rourke can't save your movie, it's time to rethink what you're doing.
5) Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Again another movie that had a very interesting premise but decided it would rather be a dumb action flick. Much of the movie felt like they were trying to go back to the original Mission Impossible movie. The first one was a challenging story with some great, over-the-top effects. But this movie, we have actually very few death defying scenes and a house of cards story so thin I truely believe the whole scenario could've been avoided with a single phone call. Just like Season of the Witch, I felt dumber having seen it.
4) Colombiana
This movie is so bad I literally could plan a college level course on movie making just pointing out how dumb it is. It can't even be called a satisfying action movie since there is so little action! Zoe Saldana has really come into her own as an actress scoring roles in movies like Avatar and Star Trek, but in her first movie as the lead, she couldn't have done a worse job. Here's a tip, if there are more sex scenes than action scenes in your PG-13 movie, it's going to SUCK!
3) The Last Godfather
Holy crap I wanted to claw my eyes out after this one! How can I describe how annoying this movie is? Imagine if Steve Urkel were functionally retarded, in his mid 40s, Korean, and made the head of a crime family. That's this movie! The two nicest things I can say about this movie are 1) You didn't see it. It did so poorly in the Asian market it was never released in the USA, and 2) It's another failed experiment by a Korean director/actor to introduce Korean culture to an American audience. Korean humor is a lot of sight gags, pratfalls, and goofy faces. It's the kind of humor that doesn't work with an American audience over the age of eight. This and D-War are why good Korean movies will never be mainstream in America.
2) In Time
This is less of a movie and more a collection of time related puns. I hated Justin Timberlake's character. Just substitute "time" with "ice" and you would've had Mr. Freeze from Batman and Robin. An absolutely annoying movie with nothing to add to any conversation. Sci-fi movies are meant to be challenging and show us other ways of thinking about life and science. This one just didn't. It was dull, drab, and titanically stupid.
1) Battle: Los Angeles
This one deserves top honors not only for being the worst movie of the year, but one of the worst alien invasion movies ever made. It had all the pacing of It Conquered the World sitting on a blender. This was a B movie with way too big a budget to be any fun. And you can tell a lot of money went into explosions because it sure didn't go into the acting or cinematography. Every scene was shot like it was on a handheld camera. I literally got motion sick watching all the shaking. There also wasn't a plot! All it showed, was a team of marines on one mission. It wasn't a special mission of any kind. It wasn't one of those "turn the tide" type missions. It was a very basic mission of search and rescue. I know missions like that are important, but they don't exactly make for a whole lot of drama in an alien invasion movie. Plus, with all the shaking I never got to see the aliens. The movie relied a lot on pointless action sequences with no real plot that I just couldn't stand to look at for more than twenty minutes. Battle: Los Angeles is destined for infamy.
Honorable Mentions:
Sucker Punch, The Dilemma, The Rite, Restless, Gnomeo and Juliet, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, Big Mama's House 3, Unknown, I Am Number 4, Scream 4, Apollo 18, Fast Five, Conan the Barbarian, Cars 2, The Smurfs, Prist, Bad Teacher, Mr. Popper's Penguins, Zookeeper, Red State, Jumping the Broom, The Chaperone, Alvin and the Chipmonks: Chipwrecked, Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 1.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Coming Soon: 12/21/11
Hello and Merry Christmas everyone. Let's see what's coming out just before the holiday season.
1) The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo: A strange story of control, sexual assault, and manipulation
The Good: A psychological thriller directed by David Fincher. It's going to be awesome.
The Bad: It's just me but rape isn't a topic I like in my movies.
Final Thoughts: My discomfort aside, it's a powerful story told with the dark tone such things deserve. It'll be a big hit.
2) The Adventures of Tintin: A young reporter buys a model ship that leads to a great treasure hunt.
The Good: It's funny, well directed, and has Andy Serkis doing what he does best.
The Bad: nothing. I've seen it. It's a great movie.
Final Thoughts: I loved this movie. Go see it.
3) Albert Nobbs: A story of a woman forced to live as a man in the 19th century.
The Good: Glenn Close not only stars in this movie but also is one of the writers. It'll be tailor made for her.
The Bad: I don't see a whole lot of story here.
Final Thoughts: It'll be well acted, it will be dramatic, and for many I can see it being very boring.
4) The Flowers of War: An American tries to hide from the Japanese army in Nanking in 1937.
The Good: World War II stories are usually very intense. Told well they are great movies.
The Bad: I saw this movie before. It was called Shanghai. It's almost the exact same story.
Final Thoughts: Instead of John Cusack we get Christian Bale. I'm not sure Christian Bale is the correct guy to use when talking about the "Rape of Nanking". I'd skip this one.
5) We Bought A Zoo: The story of a father who buys a zoo and restores it.
The Good: A great cast coupled with a moving true story.
The Bad: It's really hard to be excited about a story like this.
Final Thoughts: It might be good. But I can definately see people falling asleep during the movie.
See you at the movies.
1) The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo: A strange story of control, sexual assault, and manipulation
The Good: A psychological thriller directed by David Fincher. It's going to be awesome.
The Bad: It's just me but rape isn't a topic I like in my movies.
Final Thoughts: My discomfort aside, it's a powerful story told with the dark tone such things deserve. It'll be a big hit.
2) The Adventures of Tintin: A young reporter buys a model ship that leads to a great treasure hunt.
The Good: It's funny, well directed, and has Andy Serkis doing what he does best.
The Bad: nothing. I've seen it. It's a great movie.
Final Thoughts: I loved this movie. Go see it.
3) Albert Nobbs: A story of a woman forced to live as a man in the 19th century.
The Good: Glenn Close not only stars in this movie but also is one of the writers. It'll be tailor made for her.
The Bad: I don't see a whole lot of story here.
Final Thoughts: It'll be well acted, it will be dramatic, and for many I can see it being very boring.
4) The Flowers of War: An American tries to hide from the Japanese army in Nanking in 1937.
The Good: World War II stories are usually very intense. Told well they are great movies.
The Bad: I saw this movie before. It was called Shanghai. It's almost the exact same story.
Final Thoughts: Instead of John Cusack we get Christian Bale. I'm not sure Christian Bale is the correct guy to use when talking about the "Rape of Nanking". I'd skip this one.
5) We Bought A Zoo: The story of a father who buys a zoo and restores it.
The Good: A great cast coupled with a moving true story.
The Bad: It's really hard to be excited about a story like this.
Final Thoughts: It might be good. But I can definately see people falling asleep during the movie.
See you at the movies.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol Review RUSSIANS ARE NOT STUPID!!!
THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!!!! I know that isn't a very comprehensive review but I'm so pissed off. And here's the worst part. I have to explain just how paper thin the story is and how it seems to take great pleasure in contradicting itself and treating the Russian people as barbaric idiots.
So guess what? SPOILERS!
But for reference: Rotten Tomatoes has this at a 95% fresh movie. That means they loved it. After reading this I hope you never listen to them again.
We start the movie off promisingly enough. It actually starts off with a very James Bond like opening. Then we see a random American agent running away in a heated fire fight. (insert William DeFoe from Boondock Saints here) And he escapes thanks to his trusty air mattress strapped to his back. And in the first three minutes we went from cool opening to just silly. But not long after that random American agent gets killed by random femme fatale. Why do I keep saying random? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO THE F*** THESE PEOPLE ARE!
But that scene is getting boring so lets move on to the next one. Yes. I'm not kidding. That first scene just kinda happens and then we go to the next one. Oh but don't worry. The directors and the writers thought that opening scene was so good we get to see it again, but this time it's the extended edition! You know, the one where they tell you what the f*** you just saw! It's a 2 hour and 13 minute movie and the first half hour has padding. Oh joy!
Our next scene is a prison in Russia. Because hey. Why not? Well, we're here because Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is in prison. Why is Ethan in prison you might ask? More on that later. (emphasis on MORON!) Anyway, the IMF breaks Ethan out of jail but he doesn't want to go without his friend Bogdan (Miraj Grbic). Why are they friends? Why does Ethan want to break him out of jail so badly he has to go head first into a prison riot to do it? Why is Bogdan in any way important? Luckily none of these questions are at all answered in a sensible or satisfying way. Did I mention how much I hate this movie?
Fast forward a little bit and Ethan gets the mission for the movie. He has to break into the Kremlin to get information on a known radical nuclear terrorist. And right about here I start to have a brain aneurysm. Here's the scenario: The reason the random American agent was killed was because he was preventing Russian nuclear launch codes from being stolen and given to a known international assassin for hire. To get information on who is behind it all, Ethan has to break into the Kremlin and look at the secret files because they believe the guy was a former Russian scientist named Hendricks aka Cobalt (Michael Nyquist).
Quick question: why isn't Russian intelligence all over this? This is a terrorist plot on Russian soil, by a Russian nationalist (at least I think he's Russian), an alleged former Russian member of the government, stealing Russian nuclear launch codes to fire Russian nuclear missiles. And the only ones that know anything about this is the Americans? I know the USA has Ethan Hunt: Super Spy and all, but really? The Russians are completely clueless? I only have this to say to the writers of this movie: THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE ARE NOT F***ING STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! Get the red, white, and blue stick out of your a** and try to acknowledge other countries have smart people too. I know they don't go bragging about it as much, but Russia really does have smart people. This whole terror plot could've been avoided with a simple phone call. It would go something like this: Putin: hello? Obama: President Putin. This is President Obama. We have it on good authority a terrorist is going to try and steal nuclear launch codes and then try to blow up the Kremlin in an effort to frame the United States and start a nuclear war. Can you help? Putin: I will get my best men on it. Thank you President Obama. END OF MOVIE!
I'll end that tirade there so I can start tirade #2. Why was Ethan Hunt in prison. Well, it turns out that his wife was murdered by Serbians.... in Russia?.... and so he killed the guys who killed his wife. In the subplot of that subplot we have agent Brandt (Jeremy Renner). He failed in his mission to keep Hunt's wife safe so he retired from the field and became an analyst. And here we get into BIG SPOILER territory. But again I have to explain just how stupid this story truely is. Begin screaming in uproarious laughter in 3....2.....1....
Ethan Hunt's wife isn't really dead. That sound you just heard was the sound of your IQ dropping. For the last ten minutes of the movie I was just flipping the whole movie off. During the whole movie you made this big secret of why Ethan Hunt was in jail, about this secret mission that Brandt felt so guilty over, and in the last TEN MINUTES of the movie you just hand-wave it all away. The character development of the two central protagonists for the whole G**D*** movie and it was all a lie. Hunt's wife was alive the whole time. Hunt just set the whole thing up so she could live a normal life away from him and so he could get into the prison and meet Bogdan. Why? Simple question. Why? Why is Bogdan so important? He isn't. Yes, he's your way to meeting the arms dealer who knows some critical information (shoehorned into the 3rd act. that's next) but you had no idea any of this was going to happen. You didn't know Hendricks was going to contact this perticular arms dealer. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HENDRICKS WAS COBALT!!!!!! Ethan Hunt killed six innocent men for no reason so he could get sent to prison for no reason. Which means the opening scene of him escaping from prison was for no reason. And that means the American super spies released all those prisoners in order to have a prison riot so Ethan could escape for absolutely know reason. Here you go Russia! All these super dangerous criminals have all been released onto the streets of Moscow. Enjoy and Merry Christmas from all of us here in the United States Government.
I need a minute before starting tirade #3..............................................................
Just take a moment to let all this stupidity settle.
I mentioned it before but I'll make it clearer now. Ethan Hunt goes to the Kremlin but while there Hendricks steals the information (that they never needed or bothered trying to find because they know the guy now) and he blows up the Kremlin. Ethan Hunt and his team are blamed. So, the entire spy network of IMF was disavowed. I could mention how all this could've been settled before all this happened with one phone call, but I digress. So, Hendricks has "the football" this metal case that launches and controls the nuclear weapons. And for some reason the Russians don't seem to notice. Probably still pissed about the Kremlin blowing up. Fine. Act II starts with the random female assassin making a sale of the nuclear launch codes. Hunt and the team come up with an overly elaborate plan with minimal probability for success. So, naturally all hell breaks loose. But here's the stupid part! Brandt's role in this movie is to point to all the plotholes so Ethan Hunt can just hand-wave them away. The people arrive early for the sale. So, that leaves the team scrambling. The terrorists bring along a scientist to verify the launch codes. So, Hunt instead of substituting the real codes with the fake codes, he thought it best to give him a copy of the real codes. Brandt being the only sensible person in the whole movie says this is stupid and it's far better that they don't get any codes at all and come up with a new plan. They do not..... Ethan Hunt: Super Spy. Let's let the terrorists have what they want and risk all out nuclear war. Do I need to say any more about this? So, they get away (probably because the team is being led by Ethan Hunt, a blithering idiot who can't find his a** with both hands) and that leads us into our shoehorned in subplot in Act III. The terrorists need a satellite to launch the missiles. Fine. Ok. This whole thing is starting to make my brain hurt and I'm not done yet. Let's just move on.
Well, I have to backtrack slightly. You see, the random American agent was in love with Agent Carter (Paula Patton) and so when random femme fatale assassin lady killed him, she made it personal.
Thus begins tirade #4.
While on a train (I know just go with it) they watch a video of Hendricks giving a speech in front of the Russian government about how wonderful for all humanity nuclear war would be. (and yet they never knew he was the world imfamous Cobalt, nuclear terrorist. F*** I hate this movie) and when it was settled they decided that random femme fatale assassin lady was an "asset" and so Agent Carter can't kill her yet. First they get Hendricks, then they can get random femme fatale assassin lady. Why is she an asset again? She doesn't know Hendricks. She doesn't know who she's meeting other than the guy's name. She's just selling what she stole. She isn't an asset. Go ahead and kill her. Who cares? But no they capture her and hey! Surprise! The random femme fatale assassin lady doesn't want to be captured. So she fights back! Agent Carter while fighting for her life she kicks random femme fatale assassin lady out the window to about a hundred story fall to her death. And this pisses everyone off. How dare you do that? What were you thinking not letting her kill you? SHE WAS AN ASSET! You know what, movie? Why don't you pucker up and kiss my asset? She isn't an assett. You just want to have another shoehorned in character development scene and it's stupid. It's also never mentioned again, so yeah, pointless.
Tirade #5. Last one I promise. I need a drink.
Do you know the best way to make your badass villian seem... less threatening? Do you know how to immediately dismiss the climax of a movie? I'll give you a hint.... HAVE THE ANTAGONIST COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!! Long story short, (too late) Hendricks jumps off the car production line (product placement up the a**) so Hunt can't get the briefcase and stop the nuclear missle from hitting San Francisco. Yeah. You couldn't just throw the briefcase down there. He had to go with it. Just so he made sure it hit the ground. I can't get over how stupid that was. I just.... He could've gotten away! Throw the briefcase down! Hunt would have to go for that to stop the nuclear weapon. He wouldn't have time to go after you. The Russian secret service doesn't know anything other than Ethan Hunt is the equivalent of Osama Bin Laden. They don't know you! They should but they don't. Just the stupidity and blatent jingoism of this movie... What else is there to say but WHAT THE F***?
Don't watch this movie. Yes there are some funny scenes and a couple good one liners but it didn't take long for the movie to become irredeemable. I may never watch another Tom Cruise movie ever again. Just....Don't....
So guess what? SPOILERS!
But for reference: Rotten Tomatoes has this at a 95% fresh movie. That means they loved it. After reading this I hope you never listen to them again.
We start the movie off promisingly enough. It actually starts off with a very James Bond like opening. Then we see a random American agent running away in a heated fire fight. (insert William DeFoe from Boondock Saints here) And he escapes thanks to his trusty air mattress strapped to his back. And in the first three minutes we went from cool opening to just silly. But not long after that random American agent gets killed by random femme fatale. Why do I keep saying random? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO THE F*** THESE PEOPLE ARE!
But that scene is getting boring so lets move on to the next one. Yes. I'm not kidding. That first scene just kinda happens and then we go to the next one. Oh but don't worry. The directors and the writers thought that opening scene was so good we get to see it again, but this time it's the extended edition! You know, the one where they tell you what the f*** you just saw! It's a 2 hour and 13 minute movie and the first half hour has padding. Oh joy!
Our next scene is a prison in Russia. Because hey. Why not? Well, we're here because Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is in prison. Why is Ethan in prison you might ask? More on that later. (emphasis on MORON!) Anyway, the IMF breaks Ethan out of jail but he doesn't want to go without his friend Bogdan (Miraj Grbic). Why are they friends? Why does Ethan want to break him out of jail so badly he has to go head first into a prison riot to do it? Why is Bogdan in any way important? Luckily none of these questions are at all answered in a sensible or satisfying way. Did I mention how much I hate this movie?
Fast forward a little bit and Ethan gets the mission for the movie. He has to break into the Kremlin to get information on a known radical nuclear terrorist. And right about here I start to have a brain aneurysm. Here's the scenario: The reason the random American agent was killed was because he was preventing Russian nuclear launch codes from being stolen and given to a known international assassin for hire. To get information on who is behind it all, Ethan has to break into the Kremlin and look at the secret files because they believe the guy was a former Russian scientist named Hendricks aka Cobalt (Michael Nyquist).
Quick question: why isn't Russian intelligence all over this? This is a terrorist plot on Russian soil, by a Russian nationalist (at least I think he's Russian), an alleged former Russian member of the government, stealing Russian nuclear launch codes to fire Russian nuclear missiles. And the only ones that know anything about this is the Americans? I know the USA has Ethan Hunt: Super Spy and all, but really? The Russians are completely clueless? I only have this to say to the writers of this movie: THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE ARE NOT F***ING STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! Get the red, white, and blue stick out of your a** and try to acknowledge other countries have smart people too. I know they don't go bragging about it as much, but Russia really does have smart people. This whole terror plot could've been avoided with a simple phone call. It would go something like this: Putin: hello? Obama: President Putin. This is President Obama. We have it on good authority a terrorist is going to try and steal nuclear launch codes and then try to blow up the Kremlin in an effort to frame the United States and start a nuclear war. Can you help? Putin: I will get my best men on it. Thank you President Obama. END OF MOVIE!
I'll end that tirade there so I can start tirade #2. Why was Ethan Hunt in prison. Well, it turns out that his wife was murdered by Serbians.... in Russia?.... and so he killed the guys who killed his wife. In the subplot of that subplot we have agent Brandt (Jeremy Renner). He failed in his mission to keep Hunt's wife safe so he retired from the field and became an analyst. And here we get into BIG SPOILER territory. But again I have to explain just how stupid this story truely is. Begin screaming in uproarious laughter in 3....2.....1....
Ethan Hunt's wife isn't really dead. That sound you just heard was the sound of your IQ dropping. For the last ten minutes of the movie I was just flipping the whole movie off. During the whole movie you made this big secret of why Ethan Hunt was in jail, about this secret mission that Brandt felt so guilty over, and in the last TEN MINUTES of the movie you just hand-wave it all away. The character development of the two central protagonists for the whole G**D*** movie and it was all a lie. Hunt's wife was alive the whole time. Hunt just set the whole thing up so she could live a normal life away from him and so he could get into the prison and meet Bogdan. Why? Simple question. Why? Why is Bogdan so important? He isn't. Yes, he's your way to meeting the arms dealer who knows some critical information (shoehorned into the 3rd act. that's next) but you had no idea any of this was going to happen. You didn't know Hendricks was going to contact this perticular arms dealer. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HENDRICKS WAS COBALT!!!!!! Ethan Hunt killed six innocent men for no reason so he could get sent to prison for no reason. Which means the opening scene of him escaping from prison was for no reason. And that means the American super spies released all those prisoners in order to have a prison riot so Ethan could escape for absolutely know reason. Here you go Russia! All these super dangerous criminals have all been released onto the streets of Moscow. Enjoy and Merry Christmas from all of us here in the United States Government.
I need a minute before starting tirade #3..............................................................
Just take a moment to let all this stupidity settle.
I mentioned it before but I'll make it clearer now. Ethan Hunt goes to the Kremlin but while there Hendricks steals the information (that they never needed or bothered trying to find because they know the guy now) and he blows up the Kremlin. Ethan Hunt and his team are blamed. So, the entire spy network of IMF was disavowed. I could mention how all this could've been settled before all this happened with one phone call, but I digress. So, Hendricks has "the football" this metal case that launches and controls the nuclear weapons. And for some reason the Russians don't seem to notice. Probably still pissed about the Kremlin blowing up. Fine. Act II starts with the random female assassin making a sale of the nuclear launch codes. Hunt and the team come up with an overly elaborate plan with minimal probability for success. So, naturally all hell breaks loose. But here's the stupid part! Brandt's role in this movie is to point to all the plotholes so Ethan Hunt can just hand-wave them away. The people arrive early for the sale. So, that leaves the team scrambling. The terrorists bring along a scientist to verify the launch codes. So, Hunt instead of substituting the real codes with the fake codes, he thought it best to give him a copy of the real codes. Brandt being the only sensible person in the whole movie says this is stupid and it's far better that they don't get any codes at all and come up with a new plan. They do not..... Ethan Hunt: Super Spy. Let's let the terrorists have what they want and risk all out nuclear war. Do I need to say any more about this? So, they get away (probably because the team is being led by Ethan Hunt, a blithering idiot who can't find his a** with both hands) and that leads us into our shoehorned in subplot in Act III. The terrorists need a satellite to launch the missiles. Fine. Ok. This whole thing is starting to make my brain hurt and I'm not done yet. Let's just move on.
Well, I have to backtrack slightly. You see, the random American agent was in love with Agent Carter (Paula Patton) and so when random femme fatale assassin lady killed him, she made it personal.
Thus begins tirade #4.
While on a train (I know just go with it) they watch a video of Hendricks giving a speech in front of the Russian government about how wonderful for all humanity nuclear war would be. (and yet they never knew he was the world imfamous Cobalt, nuclear terrorist. F*** I hate this movie) and when it was settled they decided that random femme fatale assassin lady was an "asset" and so Agent Carter can't kill her yet. First they get Hendricks, then they can get random femme fatale assassin lady. Why is she an asset again? She doesn't know Hendricks. She doesn't know who she's meeting other than the guy's name. She's just selling what she stole. She isn't an asset. Go ahead and kill her. Who cares? But no they capture her and hey! Surprise! The random femme fatale assassin lady doesn't want to be captured. So she fights back! Agent Carter while fighting for her life she kicks random femme fatale assassin lady out the window to about a hundred story fall to her death. And this pisses everyone off. How dare you do that? What were you thinking not letting her kill you? SHE WAS AN ASSET! You know what, movie? Why don't you pucker up and kiss my asset? She isn't an assett. You just want to have another shoehorned in character development scene and it's stupid. It's also never mentioned again, so yeah, pointless.
Tirade #5. Last one I promise. I need a drink.
Do you know the best way to make your badass villian seem... less threatening? Do you know how to immediately dismiss the climax of a movie? I'll give you a hint.... HAVE THE ANTAGONIST COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!! Long story short, (too late) Hendricks jumps off the car production line (product placement up the a**) so Hunt can't get the briefcase and stop the nuclear missle from hitting San Francisco. Yeah. You couldn't just throw the briefcase down there. He had to go with it. Just so he made sure it hit the ground. I can't get over how stupid that was. I just.... He could've gotten away! Throw the briefcase down! Hunt would have to go for that to stop the nuclear weapon. He wouldn't have time to go after you. The Russian secret service doesn't know anything other than Ethan Hunt is the equivalent of Osama Bin Laden. They don't know you! They should but they don't. Just the stupidity and blatent jingoism of this movie... What else is there to say but WHAT THE F***?
Don't watch this movie. Yes there are some funny scenes and a couple good one liners but it didn't take long for the movie to become irredeemable. I may never watch another Tom Cruise movie ever again. Just....Don't....
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Coming Soon: 12/16/11
I'm so excited for this week. And here's why.
1) Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. A murder mystery that could be wrapped in a bigger mystery perpetrated by Holmes' greatest rival, Professor Moriarty.
The Good: Did you see the first movie? It was awesome. Now we throw in the greatest criminal mastermind? This is just too much awesome.
The Bad: It hasn't come out sooner.
Final Thoughts: I want to see this movie so bad. The wait is killing me.
2) Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol: Ethan Hunt and IMF are implicated in a terrorist attack. Hunt must clear his name while bing completely off the grid.
The Good: It looks like the best Mission Impossible movie yet.
The Bad: Being the best Mission Impossible movie is a very low bar.
Final Thoughts: My personal feelings about Tom Cruise aside, this looks like a great movie. But it is going to be stupid and cheesy. Watch at your own risk.
3) Alvin and the Chipmonks Chipwrecked: The chipmonks and chimpettes are stranded on a deserted island. Or are they?
The Good: Fans of the Chipmonks are going to like it.
The Bad: Only fans of the Chipmonks are going to like it.
Final Thoughts: I know it's a kids movie. I know it's big business and makes a lot of money. But haven't we had enough of this series? The Chipmonks were old when I was a kid. Isn't it time to exploit some other old cartoon series? How about a Snagglepuss or Wally Gator movie?
4) Carnage: Two kids have a fight at school. The parents agree to have dinner together and all hell breaks loose.
The Good: It's funny and has a message behind it.
The Bad: It could get a little preachy.
Final Thoughts: It's an amazing cast with a really good idea. Give it a shot.
See you at the movies!
1) Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. A murder mystery that could be wrapped in a bigger mystery perpetrated by Holmes' greatest rival, Professor Moriarty.
The Good: Did you see the first movie? It was awesome. Now we throw in the greatest criminal mastermind? This is just too much awesome.
The Bad: It hasn't come out sooner.
Final Thoughts: I want to see this movie so bad. The wait is killing me.
2) Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol: Ethan Hunt and IMF are implicated in a terrorist attack. Hunt must clear his name while bing completely off the grid.
The Good: It looks like the best Mission Impossible movie yet.
The Bad: Being the best Mission Impossible movie is a very low bar.
Final Thoughts: My personal feelings about Tom Cruise aside, this looks like a great movie. But it is going to be stupid and cheesy. Watch at your own risk.
3) Alvin and the Chipmonks Chipwrecked: The chipmonks and chimpettes are stranded on a deserted island. Or are they?
The Good: Fans of the Chipmonks are going to like it.
The Bad: Only fans of the Chipmonks are going to like it.
Final Thoughts: I know it's a kids movie. I know it's big business and makes a lot of money. But haven't we had enough of this series? The Chipmonks were old when I was a kid. Isn't it time to exploit some other old cartoon series? How about a Snagglepuss or Wally Gator movie?
4) Carnage: Two kids have a fight at school. The parents agree to have dinner together and all hell breaks loose.
The Good: It's funny and has a message behind it.
The Bad: It could get a little preachy.
Final Thoughts: It's an amazing cast with a really good idea. Give it a shot.
See you at the movies!
The Adventures of Tintin review: Great Snakes!
When it comes to this movie, I need to just come clean and say that in my eyes, Steven Spielberg can do very little wrong. Before a certain movie with the refridgerator, a nuclear bomb, and dead psychic aliens from dimention X, I had never seen a Speilberg movie I hated. But if that wasn't enough, we also get Peter Jackson's name attached to this movie! Ok so he was just a producer, but still! What kind of adventure would you get from the guys that did Lord of the Rings and Indiana Jones? A really kick ass one! And that's what we have here.
For those not familiar with the Tintin comic strip, I don't blame you. Tintin was a Belgian comic strip written by Georges Rimi (aka Herge) that was first published back in 1929. It's about a young reporter named Tintin and his trusty terrier, Snowy.
Herge himself came under quite a bit of scrutiny since much of his early work was political in nature. And one doesn't need to do much math when you add political commentary, Belgium, and 1939.
Our movie was actually adapted from Herge's eleventh book featuring Tintin called "The Secret of the Unicorn." And that is where our movie starts. Tintin is in the park getting a character drawing of himself by one of the local artists. I felt this was a great wink to the audience. We see the comic drawing of Tintin before we ever see the modernized Tintin we see through the rest of the movie.
Tintin then finds a model ship called the Unicorn and is infinately fascinated by it. A Man-O-War with six masts and fifty guns. As soon as he buys it two different men try to buy the ship from him. Being the detective/journalist that he is, he instantly knows there's more to this ship than just a beautiful model. This leads him on a great adventure with Captain Haddock to discover the secret of the Unicorn.
The overall acting of the movie was wonderful but again Andy Serkis proves why he just might be the best voice actor of our generation. After having such roles as Kong in the King Kong remake, Smeagol/Gollum in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Caesar in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, he brings his talents to this movie as Captain Haddock. Captain Haddock wastes no time stealing the show. He's such a likeable and funny character. The only other character I loved more than Haddock was Snowy the dog.
The music was just awesome. Again, a staple of Spielberg's directing; heavy orchestrial scores to enhance the action scenes. And there are a lot of action scenes. The movie wastes no time getting to the conflicts. This does hurt the characterization of Tintin but really that is in keeping with the comic strip. Tintin is meant to be a wholesome everyman type of character. Whatever you want him to be, he is. He's far more defined by the courage he shows in solving the mystery.
It's a great movie but unfortunately with movies like this I can't say too much about it without spoiling the surprise. So, I'll leave my review by saying that it's a great movie and I totally recommend it.
For those not familiar with the Tintin comic strip, I don't blame you. Tintin was a Belgian comic strip written by Georges Rimi (aka Herge) that was first published back in 1929. It's about a young reporter named Tintin and his trusty terrier, Snowy.
Herge himself came under quite a bit of scrutiny since much of his early work was political in nature. And one doesn't need to do much math when you add political commentary, Belgium, and 1939.
Our movie was actually adapted from Herge's eleventh book featuring Tintin called "The Secret of the Unicorn." And that is where our movie starts. Tintin is in the park getting a character drawing of himself by one of the local artists. I felt this was a great wink to the audience. We see the comic drawing of Tintin before we ever see the modernized Tintin we see through the rest of the movie.
Tintin then finds a model ship called the Unicorn and is infinately fascinated by it. A Man-O-War with six masts and fifty guns. As soon as he buys it two different men try to buy the ship from him. Being the detective/journalist that he is, he instantly knows there's more to this ship than just a beautiful model. This leads him on a great adventure with Captain Haddock to discover the secret of the Unicorn.
The overall acting of the movie was wonderful but again Andy Serkis proves why he just might be the best voice actor of our generation. After having such roles as Kong in the King Kong remake, Smeagol/Gollum in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Caesar in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, he brings his talents to this movie as Captain Haddock. Captain Haddock wastes no time stealing the show. He's such a likeable and funny character. The only other character I loved more than Haddock was Snowy the dog.
The music was just awesome. Again, a staple of Spielberg's directing; heavy orchestrial scores to enhance the action scenes. And there are a lot of action scenes. The movie wastes no time getting to the conflicts. This does hurt the characterization of Tintin but really that is in keeping with the comic strip. Tintin is meant to be a wholesome everyman type of character. Whatever you want him to be, he is. He's far more defined by the courage he shows in solving the mystery.
It's a great movie but unfortunately with movies like this I can't say too much about it without spoiling the surprise. So, I'll leave my review by saying that it's a great movie and I totally recommend it.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
From the Vault: Spaceballs
Spaceballs was made back in 1987 and oh is it glorious! As a child of the '80s I'm no stranger to movies like Planet of the Apes, Star Wars, and Alien. All movies parodied to perfection by Mel Brooks.
Our story begins much like the beginning of Star Wars Episode 4. Instead of Darth Vader, we get Dark Helmet played by Rick Moranis. If ever there was an exact opposite to the iconic Darth Vader with the chilling robotic voice of James Earl Jones, it is the nerdy and unintimidating in any possible way Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis had an amazing career in the 1980s. He had supporting roles in the Ghostbuster movies and Brewster's Millions along with starring roles in Little Shop of Horrors and Honey I Shrunk the Kids. The spaceship spaceball is in a heated firefight with the space car of Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga). Princess Vespa ran away from her wedding to Prince Vallium because she didn't love the narcoleptic, but she is legally bound to marry a prince.
With Princess Vespa is our C3PO knockoff Dot Matix played by Joan Rivers. Once they come under attack, Princess Vespa calls her father for help. King Roland of Druidia then hires our hero Lone starr (Bill Pullman) and his faithful sidekick Barf (John Candy). Lone Starr and Barf agree to rescue Princess Vespa and return her to Druidia for 1 million spacebucks so they can pay their debt to the dreaded space gangster, Pizza the Hut (Dom DeLuise).
Spaceballs is loaded with comedic talent. Not only getting some of the hottest comedians of the 1980s like John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dick Van Patten, and Joan Rivers; but also getting people like Michael Winslow (Police Academy movies), Jim J. Bullock (Hollywood Squares), and John Hurt (Alien) to do cameos.
Without spoiling much more of a must see sci-fi parody comedy, my favorite scene is the diner scene. I will say no more about it. If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about.
Easily one of Mel Brooks' best movies. It's a laugh riot from start to finish and one of my personal favorites.
Our story begins much like the beginning of Star Wars Episode 4. Instead of Darth Vader, we get Dark Helmet played by Rick Moranis. If ever there was an exact opposite to the iconic Darth Vader with the chilling robotic voice of James Earl Jones, it is the nerdy and unintimidating in any possible way Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis had an amazing career in the 1980s. He had supporting roles in the Ghostbuster movies and Brewster's Millions along with starring roles in Little Shop of Horrors and Honey I Shrunk the Kids. The spaceship spaceball is in a heated firefight with the space car of Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga). Princess Vespa ran away from her wedding to Prince Vallium because she didn't love the narcoleptic, but she is legally bound to marry a prince.
With Princess Vespa is our C3PO knockoff Dot Matix played by Joan Rivers. Once they come under attack, Princess Vespa calls her father for help. King Roland of Druidia then hires our hero Lone starr (Bill Pullman) and his faithful sidekick Barf (John Candy). Lone Starr and Barf agree to rescue Princess Vespa and return her to Druidia for 1 million spacebucks so they can pay their debt to the dreaded space gangster, Pizza the Hut (Dom DeLuise).
Spaceballs is loaded with comedic talent. Not only getting some of the hottest comedians of the 1980s like John Candy, Rick Moranis, Dick Van Patten, and Joan Rivers; but also getting people like Michael Winslow (Police Academy movies), Jim J. Bullock (Hollywood Squares), and John Hurt (Alien) to do cameos.
Without spoiling much more of a must see sci-fi parody comedy, my favorite scene is the diner scene. I will say no more about it. If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about.
Easily one of Mel Brooks' best movies. It's a laugh riot from start to finish and one of my personal favorites.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
From the Vault: High Anxiety
The 1977 comedy from Mel Brooks looks at the work of The Master of Suspense: Alfred Hitchcock. Of the movies parodied, Vertigo is the most prominent. Also seen are parodies of The Birds, Psycho, Spellbound, North by Northwest, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Tom Curtain, Shadow of a Doubt, The Ring, The Thirty-Nine Steps, Suspicion, Notorious, Under Capricorn, Dial M For Murder, The Wrong Man, Frenzy, Family Plot, Rebecca, and The Lodger: The Story of the London Fog.
(Notable Hitchcock movies not parodied: Strangers on a Train and Rear Window)
Mel Brooks himself plays the lead role of Dr. Thorndyke, the chief psychologist at the Psycho-Neurotic Institute for the very VERY Nervous. While there he suspects something is wrong with Dr. Montague and the head nurse Nurse Diesel played by Harvey Korman and Cloris Leachman respectively.
With all the suspicion surrounding the Institute, it is also discovered that Dr. Thorndyke suffers from High Anxiety. A condition that causes him to go into panic attacks and lose equilibrium. So, in other words High Anxiety is Vertigo.
My personal favorite scene is either the parody of Psycho or The Birds. In the Psycho parody a highly strung bell boy is asked for a newspaper which ends with the bell boy repeatedly stabbing Dr. Thorndyke in the shower with the paper while screaching "Here's your paper!"
The parody of The Birds has Dr. Thorndyke sitting in a park reading a newspaper when birds start to appear. Leading up to the birds repeatedly pooping on him.
This was Mel Brooks' third film and the first where he had a speaking role as the lead. (His second movie was Silent Movie where nobody talked out loud.) This movie doesn't lack for creativity, a staple of all Mel Brooks movies. If you haven't seen it yet, it is one worth watching. You'll never hear the words "fruit cup" again without laughing.
(Notable Hitchcock movies not parodied: Strangers on a Train and Rear Window)
Mel Brooks himself plays the lead role of Dr. Thorndyke, the chief psychologist at the Psycho-Neurotic Institute for the very VERY Nervous. While there he suspects something is wrong with Dr. Montague and the head nurse Nurse Diesel played by Harvey Korman and Cloris Leachman respectively.
With all the suspicion surrounding the Institute, it is also discovered that Dr. Thorndyke suffers from High Anxiety. A condition that causes him to go into panic attacks and lose equilibrium. So, in other words High Anxiety is Vertigo.
My personal favorite scene is either the parody of Psycho or The Birds. In the Psycho parody a highly strung bell boy is asked for a newspaper which ends with the bell boy repeatedly stabbing Dr. Thorndyke in the shower with the paper while screaching "Here's your paper!"
The parody of The Birds has Dr. Thorndyke sitting in a park reading a newspaper when birds start to appear. Leading up to the birds repeatedly pooping on him.
This was Mel Brooks' third film and the first where he had a speaking role as the lead. (His second movie was Silent Movie where nobody talked out loud.) This movie doesn't lack for creativity, a staple of all Mel Brooks movies. If you haven't seen it yet, it is one worth watching. You'll never hear the words "fruit cup" again without laughing.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Coming Soon: 12/9/11
Here's the new movies for this week.
Here we go!
1) London River: Two polar opposites put aside their differences in hopes of finding their children.
The Good: It screams of drama and conflict. Religious, personal, and cultural conflict.
The Bad: It's trying too hard to create conflict.
Final Thoughts: It's going to be dramatic. I think it'll be good. But I can also see how it can cross the line into pointless melodrama.
2) New Year's Eve: Different stories told by different people about how they celebrate the new year.
The Good: Look at the cast involved. Jon Bon Jovi, Robert DeNiro, Halle Berry, and Jessica Biel.
The Bad: I have no clue what the overall story is going to be. If there even will be one.
Final Thoughts: Should be funny. Should be romantic. I'd watch it.
3) The Sitter: The world's most irresponsible man is put in charge of the world's worst kids and they all get lost in New York.
The Good: Jonah Hill is a likable guy.
The Bad: Ever watch Bebe's Kids? Jonah Hill isn't all that funny.
Final Thoughts: I'm expecting a lot of tired gags and sex jokes. keep moving.
4) Knuckle: A movie about the brutal world of bare knuckle underground fighting.
The Good: It sounds like vicious action. Gotta see it.
The Bad: It's a documentary more than an actual movie. Might turn some people off.
Final Thoughts: Give it a look. You might see something great.
5) Catch .44: A job for three women to intercept a drug shipment for their mob boss goes bad and could be something they didn't expect.
The Good: uhm... lots of guns? and stuff?
The Bad: This is what you'd get if Charlie's Angels were played seriously.
Final Thoughts: It's going to be stupid and might actually have too much plot. Expect something stupid and possibly confusing.
See you at the movies
Here we go!
1) London River: Two polar opposites put aside their differences in hopes of finding their children.
The Good: It screams of drama and conflict. Religious, personal, and cultural conflict.
The Bad: It's trying too hard to create conflict.
Final Thoughts: It's going to be dramatic. I think it'll be good. But I can also see how it can cross the line into pointless melodrama.
2) New Year's Eve: Different stories told by different people about how they celebrate the new year.
The Good: Look at the cast involved. Jon Bon Jovi, Robert DeNiro, Halle Berry, and Jessica Biel.
The Bad: I have no clue what the overall story is going to be. If there even will be one.
Final Thoughts: Should be funny. Should be romantic. I'd watch it.
3) The Sitter: The world's most irresponsible man is put in charge of the world's worst kids and they all get lost in New York.
The Good: Jonah Hill is a likable guy.
The Bad: Ever watch Bebe's Kids? Jonah Hill isn't all that funny.
Final Thoughts: I'm expecting a lot of tired gags and sex jokes. keep moving.
4) Knuckle: A movie about the brutal world of bare knuckle underground fighting.
The Good: It sounds like vicious action. Gotta see it.
The Bad: It's a documentary more than an actual movie. Might turn some people off.
Final Thoughts: Give it a look. You might see something great.
5) Catch .44: A job for three women to intercept a drug shipment for their mob boss goes bad and could be something they didn't expect.
The Good: uhm... lots of guns? and stuff?
The Bad: This is what you'd get if Charlie's Angels were played seriously.
Final Thoughts: It's going to be stupid and might actually have too much plot. Expect something stupid and possibly confusing.
See you at the movies
Friday, December 2, 2011
Movies I want to see: December
Oh December. Where would we all be without the Christmas movies? Lots of kids movies this month but there is plenty for all of us to get excited about. Here is my list of movies coming out in December I'm really excited to go see.
1) Outrage: This movie looks awesome. Yakusa action in a bloody feud. Gotta love it.
2) Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Based on the book of the same name, it's spy vs spy action during the height of the cold war. This movie has everything. Disgraced spies, double agents, KGB, MI6... do you need more? We have more. Gary Oldman and Colin Firth. Get in line now!
3) Knuckle: A great movie about bare knuckle fighting. Sounds brutal. Must see.
4) Sherlock Holmes, Game of Shadows: Did you even see how awesome the first movie was? I have to see this.
5) The Adventures of Tintin: Everything about this movie looks beautiful. A magical adventure with the animation style of the Polar Express. A 3D movie out just in time for Christmas.
6) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: If you liked the books, you should like the movie. Daniel Craig in the lead role. The movie is insanely long however but I'm curious.
Here we go. Have fun this holiday season.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
1) Outrage: This movie looks awesome. Yakusa action in a bloody feud. Gotta love it.
2) Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Based on the book of the same name, it's spy vs spy action during the height of the cold war. This movie has everything. Disgraced spies, double agents, KGB, MI6... do you need more? We have more. Gary Oldman and Colin Firth. Get in line now!
3) Knuckle: A great movie about bare knuckle fighting. Sounds brutal. Must see.
4) Sherlock Holmes, Game of Shadows: Did you even see how awesome the first movie was? I have to see this.
5) The Adventures of Tintin: Everything about this movie looks beautiful. A magical adventure with the animation style of the Polar Express. A 3D movie out just in time for Christmas.
6) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: If you liked the books, you should like the movie. Daniel Craig in the lead role. The movie is insanely long however but I'm curious.
Here we go. Have fun this holiday season.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Thursday, December 1, 2011
50/50 review: Might need a second opinion
I was hesitant to go and see this movie. I've been feeling sick and a little depressed and the last thing I needed to see is a movie about a guy who is sick and depressed. But I finally did see it and for most of the movie, he isn't depressed. I guess I'm glad Joseph Gordon-Levitt wasn't moping through the whole movie but I never really felt he tapped into the experience. He never looked sick. Most of the time he's happy and smiling with some occasional mood swings towards anger. But he never felt sick to me.
I really liked that this took place in Seattle. Hey. My home town. Of course it isn't filmed anywhere near Seattle, but again Joseph Gordon-Levitt wore a Mariners throwback baseball cap so all sins forgiven there.
Adam (Levitt) must've had the most apathetic doctor in history. The first scene we see with the doctor. He comes in, turns on his tape recorder, punches a bunch of stuff up on his computer, and never acknowledges the fact that the man he's talking about is in the room. Our next scene is with Adam's best friend Kyle played by Seth Rogan. I was all prepared to hate this character. The first few words he spoke were all about sex. He really was the stereotypical sex crazed best friend. Until we got further into the story and he became the kind of friend I wish we all could have. I criticized Levitt's performance in that he never appeared really all that sick. But the argument could be made that Kyle was instrumental in keeping his spirits up. He took him to bars, he drove him to his appointments, Kyle had his back the entire time. The character won me over.
The characters overall in the movie were both good and bad. Bryce Dallas Howard played Adam's girlfriend, Rachel. I immediately hated this actress. Not the character. We barely know anything about her. But the acting just sucked so much. I'm glad she left the movie fairly early. Then in walks Anjelica Huston. Why is she not one of the biggest stars in Hollywood? She was amazing. She took a very stereotypical character and made her compelling. She stole the show whenever she was around. I haven't seen her in too many movies since starring in the Addams Family movies. That was almost 20 years ago! Someone needs to get her some more work. She deserves it. Likewise Anna Kendrick. She did a great job playing the inexperienced psychologist. I truely felt she was in way over her head and didn't know what to do. That sounds like I'm slamming her as an actress, but I'm not. She did great.
The biggest issue I had were the subplots. Some of the subplots are just there. Others are there but they go about the way anyone would suspect. For example: here's one that they just don't do anything with. Rachel rescues an old greyhound from the pound in order to help Adam. I loved this dog. They don't even try to hide the fact it's meant to tug at your heart. The dog looks so pathetic and has the biggest, lovable eyes ever. And the dog gets a few scenes and the whole thing amounts to nothing.
An example of a subplot resolving predictibly was with Adam's cancer friends. He meets this group of old guys and he really likes them. They are all very chummy, they get high on marijuana together, etc. They all meet up at the tall one's house for marijuana and a little bit of fun. Next scene: the tall guy is dead. Who didn't see that coming?
Overall, I don't know how to feel about this movie. It wasn't as emotional as I thought it could be. I think there were some opportunites they missed. I would've liked to see more from the Mom dealing with a son with cancer and a husband with alzheimers. I would've liked to see more of his friends and how they reacted. I would've liked to see more scenes of Adam actually being sick and not just wearing pale makeup. But I didn't hate this movie. There were lots of scenes that I thought were very funny and some scenes that were really moving.
I guess it's worth seeing but I'd recommend a rental.
I really liked that this took place in Seattle. Hey. My home town. Of course it isn't filmed anywhere near Seattle, but again Joseph Gordon-Levitt wore a Mariners throwback baseball cap so all sins forgiven there.
Adam (Levitt) must've had the most apathetic doctor in history. The first scene we see with the doctor. He comes in, turns on his tape recorder, punches a bunch of stuff up on his computer, and never acknowledges the fact that the man he's talking about is in the room. Our next scene is with Adam's best friend Kyle played by Seth Rogan. I was all prepared to hate this character. The first few words he spoke were all about sex. He really was the stereotypical sex crazed best friend. Until we got further into the story and he became the kind of friend I wish we all could have. I criticized Levitt's performance in that he never appeared really all that sick. But the argument could be made that Kyle was instrumental in keeping his spirits up. He took him to bars, he drove him to his appointments, Kyle had his back the entire time. The character won me over.
The characters overall in the movie were both good and bad. Bryce Dallas Howard played Adam's girlfriend, Rachel. I immediately hated this actress. Not the character. We barely know anything about her. But the acting just sucked so much. I'm glad she left the movie fairly early. Then in walks Anjelica Huston. Why is she not one of the biggest stars in Hollywood? She was amazing. She took a very stereotypical character and made her compelling. She stole the show whenever she was around. I haven't seen her in too many movies since starring in the Addams Family movies. That was almost 20 years ago! Someone needs to get her some more work. She deserves it. Likewise Anna Kendrick. She did a great job playing the inexperienced psychologist. I truely felt she was in way over her head and didn't know what to do. That sounds like I'm slamming her as an actress, but I'm not. She did great.
The biggest issue I had were the subplots. Some of the subplots are just there. Others are there but they go about the way anyone would suspect. For example: here's one that they just don't do anything with. Rachel rescues an old greyhound from the pound in order to help Adam. I loved this dog. They don't even try to hide the fact it's meant to tug at your heart. The dog looks so pathetic and has the biggest, lovable eyes ever. And the dog gets a few scenes and the whole thing amounts to nothing.
An example of a subplot resolving predictibly was with Adam's cancer friends. He meets this group of old guys and he really likes them. They are all very chummy, they get high on marijuana together, etc. They all meet up at the tall one's house for marijuana and a little bit of fun. Next scene: the tall guy is dead. Who didn't see that coming?
Overall, I don't know how to feel about this movie. It wasn't as emotional as I thought it could be. I think there were some opportunites they missed. I would've liked to see more from the Mom dealing with a son with cancer and a husband with alzheimers. I would've liked to see more of his friends and how they reacted. I would've liked to see more scenes of Adam actually being sick and not just wearing pale makeup. But I didn't hate this movie. There were lots of scenes that I thought were very funny and some scenes that were really moving.
I guess it's worth seeing but I'd recommend a rental.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Coming Soon: 12/2/11
November is done. Boy was it underwhelming as far as movies are concerned. Let's see what we have this week.
1) Sleeping Beauty: A college student finds a new job and it's one that will forever change her.
The Good: There is nothing good about this.
The Bad: From what I read, this is a movie about sex workers and this woman getting repeatedly raped. Why don't you tell me what is good about this?
Final Thoughts: Don't. Stay away from this. Anyone with a human soul can't possibly be interested in sexual torture.
2) Shame: A man with sex addiction has his little sister move in. And this awakens all the pain of his childhood.
The Good: I normally like psychological thrillers.
The Bad: There's nothing here that grips me. Just another movie trying to exploit sex to hide a bad script.
Final Thoughts: If I want porn, I can watch porn. I don't need to sit through your movie for spank material.
3) Outrage: The life of a Yakusa gangster.
The Good: Gangland violence in a take-no-prisoners winner-takes-all type of lifestyle.
The Bad: I don't think this will be released in the US.
Final Thoughts: It's less of a story and more of a period piece. It's more about the Yakusa in general and how they are in different aspects of life. It's about immorality in a society that praises pride. I'd see it.
4) A Warrior's Heart: After his father dies, a youth becomes self-destructive but finds purpose in Lacross and his girlfriend.
The Good: blah blah blah
The Bad: How is this in any way original?
Final Thoughts: I'd be interested if I hadn't already watched The Mighty Ducks, Spiderman, The Sandlot, etc. All of them are great movies. Check them out instead.
5) Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: It's spy vs spy with the backdrop of the cold war when a disgraced secret agent is hired to find a double agent in MI-6.
The Good: Gary Oldman and Colin Firth. These guys in an action movie is bound to be good.
The Bad: Might fall into the same trap as The Debt and have too much story and not enough time.
Final Thoughts: This might be the must see movie this week. Check it out.
See you at the movies!
1) Sleeping Beauty: A college student finds a new job and it's one that will forever change her.
The Good: There is nothing good about this.
The Bad: From what I read, this is a movie about sex workers and this woman getting repeatedly raped. Why don't you tell me what is good about this?
Final Thoughts: Don't. Stay away from this. Anyone with a human soul can't possibly be interested in sexual torture.
2) Shame: A man with sex addiction has his little sister move in. And this awakens all the pain of his childhood.
The Good: I normally like psychological thrillers.
The Bad: There's nothing here that grips me. Just another movie trying to exploit sex to hide a bad script.
Final Thoughts: If I want porn, I can watch porn. I don't need to sit through your movie for spank material.
3) Outrage: The life of a Yakusa gangster.
The Good: Gangland violence in a take-no-prisoners winner-takes-all type of lifestyle.
The Bad: I don't think this will be released in the US.
Final Thoughts: It's less of a story and more of a period piece. It's more about the Yakusa in general and how they are in different aspects of life. It's about immorality in a society that praises pride. I'd see it.
4) A Warrior's Heart: After his father dies, a youth becomes self-destructive but finds purpose in Lacross and his girlfriend.
The Good: blah blah blah
The Bad: How is this in any way original?
Final Thoughts: I'd be interested if I hadn't already watched The Mighty Ducks, Spiderman, The Sandlot, etc. All of them are great movies. Check them out instead.
5) Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: It's spy vs spy with the backdrop of the cold war when a disgraced secret agent is hired to find a double agent in MI-6.
The Good: Gary Oldman and Colin Firth. These guys in an action movie is bound to be good.
The Bad: Might fall into the same trap as The Debt and have too much story and not enough time.
Final Thoughts: This might be the must see movie this week. Check it out.
See you at the movies!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Coming Soon: 11/23/11
New week, new movies, let's go!
1) The Muppets: The Muppet Theater is in jeopardy of being tore down because oil was discovered under it. The Muppets and friends must hold a telethon to save the theater.
The Good: How can you not like the muppets?
The Bad: How can you like Jack Black as an actor?
Final Thoughts: I expect a great movie. But if anyone can bring down a good idea, it's Jack Black. I'm tired of that guy.
2) Hugo: A street rat finds a machine, a girl, and an old man which takes him on a magical journey.
The Good: Martin Scorsese doesn't do bad movies.
The Bad: Martin Scorsese doesn't do kids movies.
Final Thoughts: This is a movie for kids coming out a month before Christmas. It's going to be good. Scorsese is more famous for doing violent action movies, but he is one of the best directors to ever live so be sure to check this one out.
3) Arthur Christmas: A boy has a mission to complete before Christmas is finished.
The Good: It's a classic Christmas story. Who doesn't want more of these? Especially for the kids?
The Bad: I'm not going to riff on a Christmas movie! I want to see it.
Final Thoughts: It's Christmas. It's a Christmas Movie. Have a heart and have a good time.
4) My Week With Marilyn: The true story about a week an intern got to spend with Marilyn Monroe away from all the headaches of Hollywood.
The Good: True stories are always intriguing and so is Marilyn Monroe.
The Bad: What is so interesting that could happen on a week's vacation in England?
Final Thoughts: I want to see it. It sounds interesting and I want to know more about America's most famous actress of all time.
5) A Dangerous Method: Two psychologists become intrigued by a beautiful patient.
The Good: A psychological drama. I love movies like this.
The Bad: Very little star power. I'm not a fan of Keira Knightly.
Final Thoughts: David Cronenburg is famous for making movies like this. Some are good, some are not. I think this one will be good.
6) Rampart: A dirty cop with a horrible personal life is embroiled in the Rampart Corruption Scandal.
The Good: Great cast with Woody Harrelson doing what he does best. Playing flawed but likeable characters.
The Bad: Nothing new here. Watch the Shield sometime.
Final Thoughts: I think it'll be good. It will be worth seeing just for Sigorney Weaver and Ned Beatty.
See you at the movies!
1) The Muppets: The Muppet Theater is in jeopardy of being tore down because oil was discovered under it. The Muppets and friends must hold a telethon to save the theater.
The Good: How can you not like the muppets?
The Bad: How can you like Jack Black as an actor?
Final Thoughts: I expect a great movie. But if anyone can bring down a good idea, it's Jack Black. I'm tired of that guy.
2) Hugo: A street rat finds a machine, a girl, and an old man which takes him on a magical journey.
The Good: Martin Scorsese doesn't do bad movies.
The Bad: Martin Scorsese doesn't do kids movies.
Final Thoughts: This is a movie for kids coming out a month before Christmas. It's going to be good. Scorsese is more famous for doing violent action movies, but he is one of the best directors to ever live so be sure to check this one out.
3) Arthur Christmas: A boy has a mission to complete before Christmas is finished.
The Good: It's a classic Christmas story. Who doesn't want more of these? Especially for the kids?
The Bad: I'm not going to riff on a Christmas movie! I want to see it.
Final Thoughts: It's Christmas. It's a Christmas Movie. Have a heart and have a good time.
4) My Week With Marilyn: The true story about a week an intern got to spend with Marilyn Monroe away from all the headaches of Hollywood.
The Good: True stories are always intriguing and so is Marilyn Monroe.
The Bad: What is so interesting that could happen on a week's vacation in England?
Final Thoughts: I want to see it. It sounds interesting and I want to know more about America's most famous actress of all time.
5) A Dangerous Method: Two psychologists become intrigued by a beautiful patient.
The Good: A psychological drama. I love movies like this.
The Bad: Very little star power. I'm not a fan of Keira Knightly.
Final Thoughts: David Cronenburg is famous for making movies like this. Some are good, some are not. I think this one will be good.
6) Rampart: A dirty cop with a horrible personal life is embroiled in the Rampart Corruption Scandal.
The Good: Great cast with Woody Harrelson doing what he does best. Playing flawed but likeable characters.
The Bad: Nothing new here. Watch the Shield sometime.
Final Thoughts: I think it'll be good. It will be worth seeing just for Sigorney Weaver and Ned Beatty.
See you at the movies!
Horrible Bosses review: Would you work for Yosemite Sam?
Again I feel like an old man for saying this: There's too much sex in comedy. I'm nto kidding, the first joke of the movie was a masturbation joke. I don't mind sexual humor but can we tone it down a little?
Overall, I thought this was an average movie. Yes, there were some funy parts, but again so much of the movie was not needed if there was even a little bit of logic thrown in. Yes, it can still be a farsical comedy with logic. I can't go into much detail without spoiling the movie, but yes if I were writing this movie, I could've cut off the last half hour of the movie.
I can share this one example: They made a reference to Strangers On a Train. An Alfred Hitchcock movie where two people meet on a train one day and agree to kill each other's wife. That way the police couldn't connect the murders. HERE'S THE PROBLEM! These three guys are friends already. They didn't just meet in a bar one day. It's clear they've been friends for years. It's not the same.
Another problem was just how cartoonish the bosses were. I know they were supposed to be. They were supposed to be the most one dimentional evil people possible. We aren't supposed to get to know them or like them in any way. But that's why I don't have any emotional investment in the movie. The villians are way too evil. There's nothing good about any of them. But these three guys are the only ones plotting murder? The other employees aren't complaining? They don't organize some sort of strike? Just saying. Jumping straight to murder is a bit harsh. I felt a few steps were missing.
As usual, Kevin Spacey is amazing. Jennifer Aniston however was insufferable. Her performance was painful. When did she have time to clean teeth if she was such a raging whore? All she ever talked about was sex. It's clear she was only hired for the movie because of how she looked. Everything was sexual. Every time she was on screen it was sexual. This is what I mean by one note characters. The same stuff on a different scene gets boring unless you have an amazing actor like Kevin Spacey.
It's a good watch. I didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped but it's funny. That's all anyone can really expect from a comedy. Go see it.
Overall, I thought this was an average movie. Yes, there were some funy parts, but again so much of the movie was not needed if there was even a little bit of logic thrown in. Yes, it can still be a farsical comedy with logic. I can't go into much detail without spoiling the movie, but yes if I were writing this movie, I could've cut off the last half hour of the movie.
I can share this one example: They made a reference to Strangers On a Train. An Alfred Hitchcock movie where two people meet on a train one day and agree to kill each other's wife. That way the police couldn't connect the murders. HERE'S THE PROBLEM! These three guys are friends already. They didn't just meet in a bar one day. It's clear they've been friends for years. It's not the same.
Another problem was just how cartoonish the bosses were. I know they were supposed to be. They were supposed to be the most one dimentional evil people possible. We aren't supposed to get to know them or like them in any way. But that's why I don't have any emotional investment in the movie. The villians are way too evil. There's nothing good about any of them. But these three guys are the only ones plotting murder? The other employees aren't complaining? They don't organize some sort of strike? Just saying. Jumping straight to murder is a bit harsh. I felt a few steps were missing.
As usual, Kevin Spacey is amazing. Jennifer Aniston however was insufferable. Her performance was painful. When did she have time to clean teeth if she was such a raging whore? All she ever talked about was sex. It's clear she was only hired for the movie because of how she looked. Everything was sexual. Every time she was on screen it was sexual. This is what I mean by one note characters. The same stuff on a different scene gets boring unless you have an amazing actor like Kevin Spacey.
It's a good watch. I didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped but it's funny. That's all anyone can really expect from a comedy. Go see it.
Tower Heist review: Ocean's Eleven B team
I named this one of the movies I wanted to see for the month of November. Mostly to see Alan Alda and Ben Stiller play off each other. In a movie loaded to the teeth with great comedians, it failed to live up to the wit and charm of Ocean's Eleven.
Comparisons to Ocean's Eleven are unavoidable. It's basically the same movie. Instead of a casino owned by the guy dating Ocean's wife, it's instead about a group of employees who were ripped off by a rich invester. Both movies fit the definition of "action-comedy" so I feel comparing them is not only unavoidable, but appropriate.
It's strange because Ocean's Eleven had a more light-hearted story, but portrayed serious. Tower Heist had a serious story and played light-hearted. Both movies had an array of talent that most directors would kill to have, but while Tower Heist relied on Eddy Murphy, Ben Stiller, and Alan Alda, Ocean's Eleven had a stronger, more diverse cast with well-known "actors" and not just "comedians." The lack of wit detracted from Tower Heist.
Ben Stiller was used well. A more toned down performance than what he gave in Night at the Museum. Eddy Murphy again playing a fast-talking stereotype. My biggest disappointment came from what amonted to a cameo from Judd Hirsh. A very funny man but not give an opportunity. Same with Alan Alda. Alda plays the villian but his wit is legendary. Why not let him be more charming and funny before the heel turn? Tia Leoni again played a strong female love interest. Nothing new.
Overall, a good show but it took no chances. It's a formulaic Ben Stiller movie. It's just not memorable.
Comparisons to Ocean's Eleven are unavoidable. It's basically the same movie. Instead of a casino owned by the guy dating Ocean's wife, it's instead about a group of employees who were ripped off by a rich invester. Both movies fit the definition of "action-comedy" so I feel comparing them is not only unavoidable, but appropriate.
It's strange because Ocean's Eleven had a more light-hearted story, but portrayed serious. Tower Heist had a serious story and played light-hearted. Both movies had an array of talent that most directors would kill to have, but while Tower Heist relied on Eddy Murphy, Ben Stiller, and Alan Alda, Ocean's Eleven had a stronger, more diverse cast with well-known "actors" and not just "comedians." The lack of wit detracted from Tower Heist.
Ben Stiller was used well. A more toned down performance than what he gave in Night at the Museum. Eddy Murphy again playing a fast-talking stereotype. My biggest disappointment came from what amonted to a cameo from Judd Hirsh. A very funny man but not give an opportunity. Same with Alan Alda. Alda plays the villian but his wit is legendary. Why not let him be more charming and funny before the heel turn? Tia Leoni again played a strong female love interest. Nothing new.
Overall, a good show but it took no chances. It's a formulaic Ben Stiller movie. It's just not memorable.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Moneyball review: It's hard not to be romantic about baseball
I admit that I'm not trying to be impartial. I sometimes wonder why people writing reviews try to be impartial. The whole idea of doing a review is stating your opinion and explaining why. So I have no problem stating my bias from the very beginning. This was a baseball movie. Therefore I am going to like it. Why? Because I love baseball. Every American kid played baseball at some point in thier lives. If not, then they should pick up a glove and get out in the sun. But baseball is more than that. Baseball is romantic. It's about childhood, teamwork, family, tradition, and culture. It's about having summer break and getting out in the sun to have some fun. The smell of the grass, the heat of the sun, the crack of the bat... these things are not lost on me. I love baseball.
Moneyball is not so much about baseball, but about Billy Beane the man. I'm not sure about the accuracy between the movie and the man, but if Billy Beane is anything like the man in the movie, I don't think I'd want to be in the same room as him. Every scene he is hunched over in utter pain. He's throwing things, he's smashing stereos with a baseball bat.... he looks like baseball tortures him.
But let's talk about the elephant in the room. The whole point of playing "moneyball" was that the A's were a small market team and couldn't afford to pay guys 10 to 20 million dollars a year for top tier talent. In baseball there aren't any salary caps. If you have the money, spend it. Which of course gives teams in cities like New York a very big advantage. The theory was that instead of looking at homeruns, strikeouts, or whatever; take those numbers and condense it down to how many wins he would in theory give to the team. And then putting a price on the number of wins that player would provide.
When Jason Giambi, Jason Isringhausen, and Johnny Damon left, most people wrote off the Oakland A's because the big stars were gone. I dispute the movie's interpretation of that. Because returning were guys like Mark Mulder, Barry Zito, and Tim Hudson. A starting rotation of pitchers that at the time was just scary. But yes. The fix was in. Most people saw small market teams as a farm league for the bigger teams. Once a player proved himself in Oakland or Minnesota, Boston or New York would quickly out bid (sometimes radically out bid) for that player. For example Alex Rodriguez. (I'm a Mariners fan so yes I have to bring this up.) Alex Rodriguez played for Seattle from 1994-2000. After the 2000 season he signed with the Texas Rangers for 10 years 252 million dollars. He was the highest paid player in history. How many championchips did he win in Texas? none. Texas never finished out of last place with him on the team. While the Seattle Mariners in 2001 went on to win a historic 116 games that season.
Overall, this is a great movie. It has very little to do with baseball itself and more about what this one guy went through in this one year. My only complaint about the movie was the ending. No, I'm not complaining about the historical facts of what happened that year. I'm saying the ending scene where Beane is in Boston talking to the Red Sox owner about him possibly coming to work there. They spelled out the message of the movie. I mean word-for-word. The entire thesis of the movie was layed right out at the audience's feet: Money doesn't make champions. There's so many different ways that could've been done and it just added about 20 minutes to the movie. Seriously, the movie could've ended after "the streak". They went to black screen at the end of the movie anyway! Why not do a quick sum up? Sports movies do that all the time. I hated that Boston scene. It should've been cut.
Anyway, It's a great movie. Watch it.
Moneyball is not so much about baseball, but about Billy Beane the man. I'm not sure about the accuracy between the movie and the man, but if Billy Beane is anything like the man in the movie, I don't think I'd want to be in the same room as him. Every scene he is hunched over in utter pain. He's throwing things, he's smashing stereos with a baseball bat.... he looks like baseball tortures him.
But let's talk about the elephant in the room. The whole point of playing "moneyball" was that the A's were a small market team and couldn't afford to pay guys 10 to 20 million dollars a year for top tier talent. In baseball there aren't any salary caps. If you have the money, spend it. Which of course gives teams in cities like New York a very big advantage. The theory was that instead of looking at homeruns, strikeouts, or whatever; take those numbers and condense it down to how many wins he would in theory give to the team. And then putting a price on the number of wins that player would provide.
When Jason Giambi, Jason Isringhausen, and Johnny Damon left, most people wrote off the Oakland A's because the big stars were gone. I dispute the movie's interpretation of that. Because returning were guys like Mark Mulder, Barry Zito, and Tim Hudson. A starting rotation of pitchers that at the time was just scary. But yes. The fix was in. Most people saw small market teams as a farm league for the bigger teams. Once a player proved himself in Oakland or Minnesota, Boston or New York would quickly out bid (sometimes radically out bid) for that player. For example Alex Rodriguez. (I'm a Mariners fan so yes I have to bring this up.) Alex Rodriguez played for Seattle from 1994-2000. After the 2000 season he signed with the Texas Rangers for 10 years 252 million dollars. He was the highest paid player in history. How many championchips did he win in Texas? none. Texas never finished out of last place with him on the team. While the Seattle Mariners in 2001 went on to win a historic 116 games that season.
Overall, this is a great movie. It has very little to do with baseball itself and more about what this one guy went through in this one year. My only complaint about the movie was the ending. No, I'm not complaining about the historical facts of what happened that year. I'm saying the ending scene where Beane is in Boston talking to the Red Sox owner about him possibly coming to work there. They spelled out the message of the movie. I mean word-for-word. The entire thesis of the movie was layed right out at the audience's feet: Money doesn't make champions. There's so many different ways that could've been done and it just added about 20 minutes to the movie. Seriously, the movie could've ended after "the streak". They went to black screen at the end of the movie anyway! Why not do a quick sum up? Sports movies do that all the time. I hated that Boston scene. It should've been cut.
Anyway, It's a great movie. Watch it.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Coming Soon: 11/18/11
Last Week was a bad week for movies. There were a lot of contenders for Razzies. Let's see what we have this week.
1) The Descendants: Deadbeat Dad loses his wife and not has to raise his two girls alone.
The Good: George Cloony knows how to do drama.
The Bad: it's blatent Oscar bait. You have been warned.
Final Thoughts: My guess is that it'll be a very dramatic movie, but there's nothing new here. George Cloony will probably carry the movie so, yeah. Watch it.
2) Tomboy: A little girl with short hair is mistaken for a boy and she goes along with that so she can be one of the boys.
The Good: It's a movie about relationships and how children treat each other.
The Bad: This movie was already made back in the early '80s. (Just One of the Guys [1985])
Final Thoughts: I liked Just One of the Guys. This one is slightly different since it's 10 year olds and less of a comedy. Should be interesting.
3) Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Bella and Edward get married and have a baby.
The Good: I have no words. I'm in aw that Twilight has such a rabid following.
The Bad: The romance is a joke, the acting is terrible, and the story is embarrassing.
Final Thoughts: Why should I care when a sociopath marries a monster? Think God it's almost over.
4) Happy Feet 2: Mumble's son Erik is afraid to dance. And then Erik comes to aadmire a penguin who can fly.
The Good: It's a cute idea. I'm glad the series is having some fon with itself.
The Bad: It's for kids. Adults without kids are not going to enjoy it that much.
Final Thoughts: Please take your kids to see it. They'll love it.
5) Tyrannosaur: A hopeless drunk meets a good Christian woman who helps him change his ways and he helps her get away from her abusive husband.
The Good: It sounds like a good heart-warming drama.
The Bad: Why is this movie called Tyrannosaur if there arent' any dinosaurs? Or anything even remotely involving dinosaurs?
Final Thoughts: It's a simple story told well. Much like Gran Turino, it's a dramatic story of redemption and helping out our fellow human beings. Just don't expect any dinosaurs.
See you at the movies.
1) The Descendants: Deadbeat Dad loses his wife and not has to raise his two girls alone.
The Good: George Cloony knows how to do drama.
The Bad: it's blatent Oscar bait. You have been warned.
Final Thoughts: My guess is that it'll be a very dramatic movie, but there's nothing new here. George Cloony will probably carry the movie so, yeah. Watch it.
2) Tomboy: A little girl with short hair is mistaken for a boy and she goes along with that so she can be one of the boys.
The Good: It's a movie about relationships and how children treat each other.
The Bad: This movie was already made back in the early '80s. (Just One of the Guys [1985])
Final Thoughts: I liked Just One of the Guys. This one is slightly different since it's 10 year olds and less of a comedy. Should be interesting.
3) Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Bella and Edward get married and have a baby.
The Good: I have no words. I'm in aw that Twilight has such a rabid following.
The Bad: The romance is a joke, the acting is terrible, and the story is embarrassing.
Final Thoughts: Why should I care when a sociopath marries a monster? Think God it's almost over.
4) Happy Feet 2: Mumble's son Erik is afraid to dance. And then Erik comes to aadmire a penguin who can fly.
The Good: It's a cute idea. I'm glad the series is having some fon with itself.
The Bad: It's for kids. Adults without kids are not going to enjoy it that much.
Final Thoughts: Please take your kids to see it. They'll love it.
5) Tyrannosaur: A hopeless drunk meets a good Christian woman who helps him change his ways and he helps her get away from her abusive husband.
The Good: It sounds like a good heart-warming drama.
The Bad: Why is this movie called Tyrannosaur if there arent' any dinosaurs? Or anything even remotely involving dinosaurs?
Final Thoughts: It's a simple story told well. Much like Gran Turino, it's a dramatic story of redemption and helping out our fellow human beings. Just don't expect any dinosaurs.
See you at the movies.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Immortals Review: I need to release the Kraken
I admit I wasn't all that enthusiastic to see Immortals. The trailers made it look like something that belongs in the same category as 300 or the Clash of the Titans remake and after watching the movie, I haven't seen anything to change that opinion. It's flashy, over-the-top, and not all that memorable. Since comparisons are unavoidable I shall do that, but first I need to look at this by its own merits.
*special note: for my VERY angry rant, skip to the bottom of this article.
I didn't see the movie in 3D but really most of the movie was clearly NOT meant for 3D. Only three scenes were specifically meant to be seen in 3D. Unfortunately for me, one of those scenes was by far my favorite of the movie. And seeing it in 2D made it look like s***.
My favorite scene is when Aries comes down from Olympus and kills an entire battalian of troops. He's moving at God-like speed while everyone else is standing around getting their heads bashed in by his hammer. Easily one of the most badass scenes of the movie.
Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point to Mickey Rourke who single-handedly made King Hyperion somewhat human. The dialogue in the movie sucked and King Hyperion is this souless sadist. No redeeming qualities at all. But thanks to Rourke we do see some humanity. We see his resentment of the Gods and that is key. We need that motivation because it is the whole point of the movie. Hyperion resents that his family died, he blames the Gods for not getting involved, and he wants to be immortal himself by becoming like Abraham in the bible. (the father of an entire race)
Also much applause to Henry Cavill (Theseus), Frieda Pinto (Phaedra) and her backside. There was a full moon rising! The Aries fight scene and Pinto's bare butt front and center might be enough to justify the 3D ticket price. It's a perfect derierre.
What's wrong with the movie? First, the gore level was turned up to 8. Any higher and we'd be in Human Centipede or Saw territory. For those unfamiliar with Tarsem Singh's directing style (and why wouldn't you? He's done almost nothing other than The Cell) he likes to blend really disturbing images with over-the-top visuals. His directing talent is very good. These were some of the best fight scenes I've seen in quite a while. I was impressed. But for every great scene it's offset by two grotesque ones. I'm talking about shattering a guys nuts with a war hammer or cooking three women inside a giant metal cow. I'm talking about the blatent old testament images and the heavy handed politics.
In terms of script there's nothing memorable. There's no great one-liners like "THIS IS SPARTA!" or "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" Visually, it's more restrained than 300 and is more like Clash of the Titans. Here's what bothered me though. They tried to ground it in reality. Theseus is most famous of course for the labrynth and the Minotaur. Instead of having that legendary monster, it's a soldier in a s&m style helmet. It's a cow's head made of poisoned barbed wire. If you are going to do a fantastical story where the Gods come down from Olympus to do battle, why doesn't it go all the way? Why not have mythical beasts?
Also, just like Clash of the Titans, why is the hero an athiest that finds religion just in time to save the day? In a universe where it's so obvious that the Gods exist, why is this guy an athiest? I know it's all part of the political message they are trying to get across. But still, it's really contrived. Not as bad as Clash of the Titans however.
Roger Ebert said it best, "It's the best looking awful movie you will ever see."
*and now for something completely different. Unbridled hostility in 3.... 2.... 1....
THEY CHANGED THE STORY!!!!!! Just like Clash of the Titans they changed the story. Instead of being a king he's now a bastard peasant and son of a disgraced woman who dared to be raped. That no good whore. No, he can't be a demi-god like in the original story. Screw that. He has to be an every man. He's a blue collar, semper fi, jar head of a soldier. Otherwise, who'd want to see it? It's just a story THAT HAS LITERALLY PASSED THE TEST OF TIME! Is classical literature just not good enough for your stupid little movie?
Oh that's right. You d***whistlers are in love with the old testament. It wasn't obvious enough that Hyperion wanted to be Abraham but the hero of the movie had to be F***ing David too. THESEUS WAS A F***ING ARGONAUT! HIS FATHER IS POSEIDON AND YOU MAKE HIM AN ATHEIST! Eat my fudge monkeys!
And what about Helen? Was the Trojan War just not a good enough story for you? And let's not forget about him having a son with Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons. Let's just skip that and bonk the virgin oracle. That has more symbolism.
Theseus has nothing to do with the titans. PERIOD! It's all about your precious symbolism of a war with the devine and then literally killing God. F*** YOU!
Oh I didn't forget your lovely little sermon throughout the movie. Oh no sir. "For Man to believe in God, God must believe in Man." You know what, I have a better one for you. "God is God and he doesn't have to justify himself!"
I need a drink.
*special note: for my VERY angry rant, skip to the bottom of this article.
I didn't see the movie in 3D but really most of the movie was clearly NOT meant for 3D. Only three scenes were specifically meant to be seen in 3D. Unfortunately for me, one of those scenes was by far my favorite of the movie. And seeing it in 2D made it look like s***.
My favorite scene is when Aries comes down from Olympus and kills an entire battalian of troops. He's moving at God-like speed while everyone else is standing around getting their heads bashed in by his hammer. Easily one of the most badass scenes of the movie.
Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point to Mickey Rourke who single-handedly made King Hyperion somewhat human. The dialogue in the movie sucked and King Hyperion is this souless sadist. No redeeming qualities at all. But thanks to Rourke we do see some humanity. We see his resentment of the Gods and that is key. We need that motivation because it is the whole point of the movie. Hyperion resents that his family died, he blames the Gods for not getting involved, and he wants to be immortal himself by becoming like Abraham in the bible. (the father of an entire race)
Also much applause to Henry Cavill (Theseus), Frieda Pinto (Phaedra) and her backside. There was a full moon rising! The Aries fight scene and Pinto's bare butt front and center might be enough to justify the 3D ticket price. It's a perfect derierre.
What's wrong with the movie? First, the gore level was turned up to 8. Any higher and we'd be in Human Centipede or Saw territory. For those unfamiliar with Tarsem Singh's directing style (and why wouldn't you? He's done almost nothing other than The Cell) he likes to blend really disturbing images with over-the-top visuals. His directing talent is very good. These were some of the best fight scenes I've seen in quite a while. I was impressed. But for every great scene it's offset by two grotesque ones. I'm talking about shattering a guys nuts with a war hammer or cooking three women inside a giant metal cow. I'm talking about the blatent old testament images and the heavy handed politics.
In terms of script there's nothing memorable. There's no great one-liners like "THIS IS SPARTA!" or "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" Visually, it's more restrained than 300 and is more like Clash of the Titans. Here's what bothered me though. They tried to ground it in reality. Theseus is most famous of course for the labrynth and the Minotaur. Instead of having that legendary monster, it's a soldier in a s&m style helmet. It's a cow's head made of poisoned barbed wire. If you are going to do a fantastical story where the Gods come down from Olympus to do battle, why doesn't it go all the way? Why not have mythical beasts?
Also, just like Clash of the Titans, why is the hero an athiest that finds religion just in time to save the day? In a universe where it's so obvious that the Gods exist, why is this guy an athiest? I know it's all part of the political message they are trying to get across. But still, it's really contrived. Not as bad as Clash of the Titans however.
Roger Ebert said it best, "It's the best looking awful movie you will ever see."
*and now for something completely different. Unbridled hostility in 3.... 2.... 1....
THEY CHANGED THE STORY!!!!!! Just like Clash of the Titans they changed the story. Instead of being a king he's now a bastard peasant and son of a disgraced woman who dared to be raped. That no good whore. No, he can't be a demi-god like in the original story. Screw that. He has to be an every man. He's a blue collar, semper fi, jar head of a soldier. Otherwise, who'd want to see it? It's just a story THAT HAS LITERALLY PASSED THE TEST OF TIME! Is classical literature just not good enough for your stupid little movie?
Oh that's right. You d***whistlers are in love with the old testament. It wasn't obvious enough that Hyperion wanted to be Abraham but the hero of the movie had to be F***ing David too. THESEUS WAS A F***ING ARGONAUT! HIS FATHER IS POSEIDON AND YOU MAKE HIM AN ATHEIST! Eat my fudge monkeys!
And what about Helen? Was the Trojan War just not a good enough story for you? And let's not forget about him having a son with Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons. Let's just skip that and bonk the virgin oracle. That has more symbolism.
Theseus has nothing to do with the titans. PERIOD! It's all about your precious symbolism of a war with the devine and then literally killing God. F*** YOU!
Oh I didn't forget your lovely little sermon throughout the movie. Oh no sir. "For Man to believe in God, God must believe in Man." You know what, I have a better one for you. "God is God and he doesn't have to justify himself!"
I need a drink.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Coming Soon: 11/11/11
First, let me just comment on how awesome that date is. There. Done. Let's look at some movies.
1) J. Edgar: The story of J. Edgar Hoover. One of the most controversial people in American history.
The Good: Directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Leo DiCaprio. It's going to be awesome.
The Bad: Early reviews are mixed between really awesome and straight up boring. So, who knows?
Final Thoughts: I'm a history guy. I love Clint Eastwood behind the camera, and Leo DiCaprio has really grown on me as an actor over since he's no longer doing Titanic and butchering Romeo and Juliet. I'm watching it. How about you?
2) Immortals: The story of Theseus from Greek mythology
The Good: Imagine 300 but instead of a stylized real event, we have a mythic tale where a lot of the goofyness from 300 will work much better.
The Bad: It's rookie writers with a rookie director. I'm not sure Mickey Rourke, Frieda Pinto, and Steven Dorff are enough to carry the movie.
Final Thoughts: I'm not perticularly excited to go and see it, but I probably will. It couldn't be a worse idea than the Clash of the Titans remake.... or the sequel coming next year. *shudder*
3) Jack and Jill: Jack's annoying twin sister comes over for Thanksgiving.
The Good: AL PACINO!
The Bad: Adam Sandler's movies are all the same lately. It's just getting sad now.
Final Thoughts: It's another Adam Sandler comedy about an affluent Adam Sandler character in a goofy situation. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Do yourself a favor and just watch Happy Gilmore again.
4) Melancholia: People are having a party but then the planet Melancholia is heading towards Earth and everyone goes nuts.
The Good: I love psychological thrillers and here we have an exellent cast. Kristen Dunst isn't Mary Jane Watson anymore.
The Bad: Good luck making any kind of sense out of anything.
Final Thoughts: I want to see it because movies like this are intellectually challenging. It expands our minds much like doing a puzzle. If you don't like crazy stuff happening, don't watch. It's all distilled insanity.
5) Elite Squad: The Enemy Within: A crime/political drama about an eager police officer wanting to clean up Rio De Janiero. But only makes things worse once the drug gangs are passified.
The Good: It's an awesome premise. I'm loving this story. Political and police corruption, an Eliot Ness and the Untouchables element trying to do the right thing.
The Bad: Nothing. It's going to be good. Must see this movie.
Final Thoughts: Not sure if it will be in theaters or not, but find a way to see it.
See you at the movies.
1) J. Edgar: The story of J. Edgar Hoover. One of the most controversial people in American history.
The Good: Directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Leo DiCaprio. It's going to be awesome.
The Bad: Early reviews are mixed between really awesome and straight up boring. So, who knows?
Final Thoughts: I'm a history guy. I love Clint Eastwood behind the camera, and Leo DiCaprio has really grown on me as an actor over since he's no longer doing Titanic and butchering Romeo and Juliet. I'm watching it. How about you?
2) Immortals: The story of Theseus from Greek mythology
The Good: Imagine 300 but instead of a stylized real event, we have a mythic tale where a lot of the goofyness from 300 will work much better.
The Bad: It's rookie writers with a rookie director. I'm not sure Mickey Rourke, Frieda Pinto, and Steven Dorff are enough to carry the movie.
Final Thoughts: I'm not perticularly excited to go and see it, but I probably will. It couldn't be a worse idea than the Clash of the Titans remake.... or the sequel coming next year. *shudder*
3) Jack and Jill: Jack's annoying twin sister comes over for Thanksgiving.
The Good: AL PACINO!
The Bad: Adam Sandler's movies are all the same lately. It's just getting sad now.
Final Thoughts: It's another Adam Sandler comedy about an affluent Adam Sandler character in a goofy situation. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Do yourself a favor and just watch Happy Gilmore again.
4) Melancholia: People are having a party but then the planet Melancholia is heading towards Earth and everyone goes nuts.
The Good: I love psychological thrillers and here we have an exellent cast. Kristen Dunst isn't Mary Jane Watson anymore.
The Bad: Good luck making any kind of sense out of anything.
Final Thoughts: I want to see it because movies like this are intellectually challenging. It expands our minds much like doing a puzzle. If you don't like crazy stuff happening, don't watch. It's all distilled insanity.
5) Elite Squad: The Enemy Within: A crime/political drama about an eager police officer wanting to clean up Rio De Janiero. But only makes things worse once the drug gangs are passified.
The Good: It's an awesome premise. I'm loving this story. Political and police corruption, an Eliot Ness and the Untouchables element trying to do the right thing.
The Bad: Nothing. It's going to be good. Must see this movie.
Final Thoughts: Not sure if it will be in theaters or not, but find a way to see it.
See you at the movies.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Warrior Review: Kurt Angle but no Hulk Hogan?
I planned to make some Ultimate Warrior jokes for this review. If for no other reason that the title is Warrior, the guy says insane things, and Kurt Angle (a pro wrestler) is in the movie. But I have too much to say so I'll just have to skip it. Ok. One joke. THIS MOVIE HAS DESTRUCITY HULK HOGAN!
Ok. I have to explain where I'm coming from in this review. Because if not, then I'm just going to get comments about how I don't like anything. And unfortunately I do need to get into spoilers in order to explain myself, so if you haven't seen the movie, here's my short review: It's good but VERY predictable.
SPOILERS
Here's the first problem. Warrior has two competing plots and a lot of subplots. One is the story of this messed up family trying to fit itself back together and the other is the MMA tournament. The movie chooses to focus on the family drama. And it should. There's some great performances by Nick Nolte (Paddy Conlin), Joel Edgerton (Brendon Conlin) and Tom Hardy (Tommy Conlin). The problem is that the tournament becomes secondary. We already know who wins. We know the brothers are going to meet in the finals. That's how movies like this play out. So, all the drama of the other matches drops nearly to zero.
One of the subplots of the movie is between Tommy and another fighter named Mad Dog (Erik Apple). Tommy gets into this high stakes tournament by knocking Mad Dog out in his own gym. This builds a grudge match between the two. They meet in the second round... and Tommy knocks him out with one punch. So much for that waste of time. I'm being unfair. Tommy knocked out all his opponents in about one punch. This of course to establish two things: 1) he's a dangerous fighter and 2) he's our anti-hero. More on the anti-hero stuff later.
Another subplot involved a Russian fighter named Koba (Kurt Angle). Again this plays into what I said before. These matches are pointless. They are used only to establish character. This time with Brendan that he's tenacious and willing to sacrifice his body. It does that well but it subtracts from the action I'm watching. Instead of being sucked into the fight, I'm waiting for the movie to catch up.
Subplot #3 is that Tommy is an ex-marine. He went AWOL when his platoon was killed by friendly fire. While AWOL he rescued another soldier from drowning in a tank. This makes him both a wanted man and a war hero. He wants the prize money to give to his friend's widow.
Subplot #4 the economy sucks and Brendon is about to lose his house to the bank. He needs the money so his family can have a better life. He all but lost his job as a physics teacher because he was having pickup fights for extra money. His wife Adrian... I mean Tess (Jennifer Morrison) isn't pleased because the last time he had a fight, he ended up in the hospital.
All of this is happening while the brothers are trying to get back in touch with each other. Tommy is too haunted by the past, Brendon is too concerned with the present and the father is trying his hardest to forget the past, be in the present, and build a better future.
The second problem is from a technical standpoint. I HATE SHAKING CAMERAS! I get why they did that. The actors can't fight. They taught them a few moves to do in the movie but overall they are not trained fighters. Going close-up, zooming in and out, and shaking the camera like it owes you money does give the feeling of impact. The sound effects help too. But when I did get a clear view of what's happening, the moves were done with little to know impact. Nobody was selling the hits very well. They needed actors with actual mixed martial arts experience.
The final problem I had was the ending. I hated the ending. They dragged it out so they could play the sappy music, have Brendon say he loves his brother, make Tommy tap out, and see the father cry. The final match went 5 rounds but Brendon won it in the 3rd. How did he win a match that stretched out 5 rounds when he won it in the 3rd? HE BROKE TOMMY'S ARM!!! Okay. "Dislocated his shoulder." Whatever. He had the guy in a hammerlock and pulled back until it snapped. For the next 2 rounds Tommy had only one usable arm. And it went about as well as you would expect. HERE'S THE PROBLEM! We know Brendon was going to win. He's the virtuous brother. He's even wearing white trunks just to spell it out for everyone. Tommy is in black. He's the anti-hero. He's the gritty guy with a troubled past. He's the guy we sympathize with but still hate. But Brendon already won the fight! It's called doctor stoppage! I've seen fights end because the fighter was bleeding too badly. Imagine what they would do with a guy having a very noticably bad arm? They end the fight! He can't continue! Fight's over! Tommy loses! Instead Brendon's trainer tells him not to call it off. Why? Your guy won! It's because we had to have the contrived, sappy ending. Brothers hugging it out and old father crying.
I liked the movie but there was too much going on, the movie was predictable, and the fights were really underwhelming. If you like MMA, this isn't your movie. However, the acting is wonderful, the drama is moving, and the characters are fleshed out and memorable. It's worth watching as a great drama.
Ok. I have to explain where I'm coming from in this review. Because if not, then I'm just going to get comments about how I don't like anything. And unfortunately I do need to get into spoilers in order to explain myself, so if you haven't seen the movie, here's my short review: It's good but VERY predictable.
SPOILERS
Here's the first problem. Warrior has two competing plots and a lot of subplots. One is the story of this messed up family trying to fit itself back together and the other is the MMA tournament. The movie chooses to focus on the family drama. And it should. There's some great performances by Nick Nolte (Paddy Conlin), Joel Edgerton (Brendon Conlin) and Tom Hardy (Tommy Conlin). The problem is that the tournament becomes secondary. We already know who wins. We know the brothers are going to meet in the finals. That's how movies like this play out. So, all the drama of the other matches drops nearly to zero.
One of the subplots of the movie is between Tommy and another fighter named Mad Dog (Erik Apple). Tommy gets into this high stakes tournament by knocking Mad Dog out in his own gym. This builds a grudge match between the two. They meet in the second round... and Tommy knocks him out with one punch. So much for that waste of time. I'm being unfair. Tommy knocked out all his opponents in about one punch. This of course to establish two things: 1) he's a dangerous fighter and 2) he's our anti-hero. More on the anti-hero stuff later.
Another subplot involved a Russian fighter named Koba (Kurt Angle). Again this plays into what I said before. These matches are pointless. They are used only to establish character. This time with Brendan that he's tenacious and willing to sacrifice his body. It does that well but it subtracts from the action I'm watching. Instead of being sucked into the fight, I'm waiting for the movie to catch up.
Subplot #3 is that Tommy is an ex-marine. He went AWOL when his platoon was killed by friendly fire. While AWOL he rescued another soldier from drowning in a tank. This makes him both a wanted man and a war hero. He wants the prize money to give to his friend's widow.
Subplot #4 the economy sucks and Brendon is about to lose his house to the bank. He needs the money so his family can have a better life. He all but lost his job as a physics teacher because he was having pickup fights for extra money. His wife Adrian... I mean Tess (Jennifer Morrison) isn't pleased because the last time he had a fight, he ended up in the hospital.
All of this is happening while the brothers are trying to get back in touch with each other. Tommy is too haunted by the past, Brendon is too concerned with the present and the father is trying his hardest to forget the past, be in the present, and build a better future.
The second problem is from a technical standpoint. I HATE SHAKING CAMERAS! I get why they did that. The actors can't fight. They taught them a few moves to do in the movie but overall they are not trained fighters. Going close-up, zooming in and out, and shaking the camera like it owes you money does give the feeling of impact. The sound effects help too. But when I did get a clear view of what's happening, the moves were done with little to know impact. Nobody was selling the hits very well. They needed actors with actual mixed martial arts experience.
The final problem I had was the ending. I hated the ending. They dragged it out so they could play the sappy music, have Brendon say he loves his brother, make Tommy tap out, and see the father cry. The final match went 5 rounds but Brendon won it in the 3rd. How did he win a match that stretched out 5 rounds when he won it in the 3rd? HE BROKE TOMMY'S ARM!!! Okay. "Dislocated his shoulder." Whatever. He had the guy in a hammerlock and pulled back until it snapped. For the next 2 rounds Tommy had only one usable arm. And it went about as well as you would expect. HERE'S THE PROBLEM! We know Brendon was going to win. He's the virtuous brother. He's even wearing white trunks just to spell it out for everyone. Tommy is in black. He's the anti-hero. He's the gritty guy with a troubled past. He's the guy we sympathize with but still hate. But Brendon already won the fight! It's called doctor stoppage! I've seen fights end because the fighter was bleeding too badly. Imagine what they would do with a guy having a very noticably bad arm? They end the fight! He can't continue! Fight's over! Tommy loses! Instead Brendon's trainer tells him not to call it off. Why? Your guy won! It's because we had to have the contrived, sappy ending. Brothers hugging it out and old father crying.
I liked the movie but there was too much going on, the movie was predictable, and the fights were really underwhelming. If you like MMA, this isn't your movie. However, the acting is wonderful, the drama is moving, and the characters are fleshed out and memorable. It's worth watching as a great drama.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Coming Soon: 11/4/11
October had a lot of great movies. Let's see what we have for the first week of November!
1) A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas: Harold and Kumar get high, burn down a Christmas tree and have to replace it.
The Good: Giggling stoners and lovers of toilet humor are in for a treat.
The Bad: Just read the summary. Does it sound at all interesting?
Final Thoughts: It's Harold and Kumar. You know what kind of movie it is. Moving on.
2) Tower Heist: Blue-collar guys get screwed by a wall street con man and they want revenge. And hilarity ensues.
The Good: Ben Stiller + Alan Alda + Eddie Murphy. It's going to be campy fun. Throw in Matthew Broderick and it's going to be VERY over the top.
The Bad: It's a satire of Ocean's 11. Ocean's 11 was an action/comedy. This is just straight up comedy. Expect someone to get hit in the groin.
Final Thoughts: I'm interested to see how this cast plays off each other. The movie probably won't be all that great but the performance might salvage it.
3) Killing Bono: Two Irish brothers in the 1980s try to make it big in the music industry.
The Good: It's in the '80s and that means some radical '80s music. The soundtrack alone might be worth the ticket price.
The Bad: Anyone younger than 25 isn't going to know who Bono is let alone find this very interesting.
Final Thoughts: Give it a watch if you like '80s music. If not, it's got nothing for you.
4) The Son of No One: A cop with hidden baggage is assigned to his old neighborhood.
The Good: AL PACINO!
The Bad: It's not original and I don't expect it to really bring anything new or exciting to a tired cliche.
Final Thoughts: AL PACINO! And he's playing a cop! I don't care if I've seen it in other movies before. IT'S AL PACINO PLAYING A COP!
5) The Other F Word: A documentary about how the punk rockers of the '80s and '90s have changed their ways to become not only musicians but also fathers.
The Good: It's important to see people as people. Guys maybe we emulated growing up and see how much they've grown up as well.
The Bad: Same with Killing Bono, nobody under the age of 25 is going to really know anything about Flea, Ron Reyes, or Fat Mike.
Final Thoughts: It's a nostalgia documentary and if you are looking for the same rebels we grew up with, you're in for disappointment seeing them paying bills and going to PTA meetings. That being said, I think the message this movie has to deliver is more important than that. It's about how to be responsible to your loved ones while also rebelling against the ills of society. I want to see it.
6) Five Star Day: A guy gets a glowing horoscope on his birthday. But then has the worst day of his life. Convinced astrology is a hoax, he searches for others born on the same day and place as him.
The Good: ................................
The Bad: I could rage for hours on how stupid astrology is. This screams of contrivance.
Final Thoughts: WTF man. What do you expect from a movie like this? What's the story? Astrology is stupid? Yes. I know that. So, he goes out into the world to prove what he already knows? Why?
See you at the movies
1) A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas: Harold and Kumar get high, burn down a Christmas tree and have to replace it.
The Good: Giggling stoners and lovers of toilet humor are in for a treat.
The Bad: Just read the summary. Does it sound at all interesting?
Final Thoughts: It's Harold and Kumar. You know what kind of movie it is. Moving on.
2) Tower Heist: Blue-collar guys get screwed by a wall street con man and they want revenge. And hilarity ensues.
The Good: Ben Stiller + Alan Alda + Eddie Murphy. It's going to be campy fun. Throw in Matthew Broderick and it's going to be VERY over the top.
The Bad: It's a satire of Ocean's 11. Ocean's 11 was an action/comedy. This is just straight up comedy. Expect someone to get hit in the groin.
Final Thoughts: I'm interested to see how this cast plays off each other. The movie probably won't be all that great but the performance might salvage it.
3) Killing Bono: Two Irish brothers in the 1980s try to make it big in the music industry.
The Good: It's in the '80s and that means some radical '80s music. The soundtrack alone might be worth the ticket price.
The Bad: Anyone younger than 25 isn't going to know who Bono is let alone find this very interesting.
Final Thoughts: Give it a watch if you like '80s music. If not, it's got nothing for you.
4) The Son of No One: A cop with hidden baggage is assigned to his old neighborhood.
The Good: AL PACINO!
The Bad: It's not original and I don't expect it to really bring anything new or exciting to a tired cliche.
Final Thoughts: AL PACINO! And he's playing a cop! I don't care if I've seen it in other movies before. IT'S AL PACINO PLAYING A COP!
5) The Other F Word: A documentary about how the punk rockers of the '80s and '90s have changed their ways to become not only musicians but also fathers.
The Good: It's important to see people as people. Guys maybe we emulated growing up and see how much they've grown up as well.
The Bad: Same with Killing Bono, nobody under the age of 25 is going to really know anything about Flea, Ron Reyes, or Fat Mike.
Final Thoughts: It's a nostalgia documentary and if you are looking for the same rebels we grew up with, you're in for disappointment seeing them paying bills and going to PTA meetings. That being said, I think the message this movie has to deliver is more important than that. It's about how to be responsible to your loved ones while also rebelling against the ills of society. I want to see it.
6) Five Star Day: A guy gets a glowing horoscope on his birthday. But then has the worst day of his life. Convinced astrology is a hoax, he searches for others born on the same day and place as him.
The Good: ................................
The Bad: I could rage for hours on how stupid astrology is. This screams of contrivance.
Final Thoughts: WTF man. What do you expect from a movie like this? What's the story? Astrology is stupid? Yes. I know that. So, he goes out into the world to prove what he already knows? Why?
See you at the movies
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Movies I want to see: November
Hard to believe I forgot about this segement last month. No matter. October is just about finished so lets move on to movies in November. What's got me excited this month? Yeah this might be a short list.
1) Tower Heist. This is a bit of a perverse choice. I'm not expecting this to be anywhere as good as Ocean's 11, but Ben Stiller is one of those actors for me. Every movie of his is either really good or really bad. Mostly bad. Throw in Eddie Murphy and Alan Alda and what do you get? I have no idea. But I want to find out.
2) J. Edgar. I love history. It was my major in college so when a historical drama comes up, I get excited. For those who don't know, J. Edgar Hoover was the former head of the FBI. And there's more than one controversial story about him. Cross dressing being the least of them. Check it out.
3) Melancolia. This one has weird written all over it. But who cares? Kiefer Sutherland! It's being called a psychological disaster movie. I have no idea what that even means. But I'm interested and early reviews are very positive.
4) The Muppets. It's the Muppets! Enough said. I grew up watching the Muppets. I love these mop/puppet things. The Muppet movies usually are very good. Muppet Treasure Island while satirical was true to the spirit of the book and a lot of fun. AND THEY ARE BRINGING BACK THE MUPPET THEATER!!! The only thing that might sink this is.... of course.... Jack Black.
It's a short list unfortunately. Not many big name movies coming out in November. Remember this is a list of movies I personally want to see. So, movies like Twilight: Rising Dawn part 1 and Harold and Kumar Christmas are not going to be listed because I don't want to see them. God help me though I might end up seeing them anyway.
1) Tower Heist. This is a bit of a perverse choice. I'm not expecting this to be anywhere as good as Ocean's 11, but Ben Stiller is one of those actors for me. Every movie of his is either really good or really bad. Mostly bad. Throw in Eddie Murphy and Alan Alda and what do you get? I have no idea. But I want to find out.
2) J. Edgar. I love history. It was my major in college so when a historical drama comes up, I get excited. For those who don't know, J. Edgar Hoover was the former head of the FBI. And there's more than one controversial story about him. Cross dressing being the least of them. Check it out.
3) Melancolia. This one has weird written all over it. But who cares? Kiefer Sutherland! It's being called a psychological disaster movie. I have no idea what that even means. But I'm interested and early reviews are very positive.
4) The Muppets. It's the Muppets! Enough said. I grew up watching the Muppets. I love these mop/puppet things. The Muppet movies usually are very good. Muppet Treasure Island while satirical was true to the spirit of the book and a lot of fun. AND THEY ARE BRINGING BACK THE MUPPET THEATER!!! The only thing that might sink this is.... of course.... Jack Black.
It's a short list unfortunately. Not many big name movies coming out in November. Remember this is a list of movies I personally want to see. So, movies like Twilight: Rising Dawn part 1 and Harold and Kumar Christmas are not going to be listed because I don't want to see them. God help me though I might end up seeing them anyway.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
In Time Review: It's PUNishment
I have never been so pissed off at a movie. I've seen bad movies. I've seen bad movies just for the sake of watching a bad movie. I feel like I need an apology from everyone who made this movie. IN WRITING!
Why is it so bad? Let's start with the most annoying part first. The puns. It's a hour and 40 minute movie and they never stop with the "time" puns. I don't have time, can you spare a minute, time zones, time keepers, all the time in the world, and on and on and on.
Here's the story. Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) is a poor guy and since your life force (or time) is the only source of currency, he has about a day to live unless he makes more time. F*** EVEN I'M DOING THE STUPID PUNS! ARRGH!
One day a rich guy goes into the ghetto where Salas lives (time zone 12). He wants to die because he's over 100 years old and sick of living as a gorgeous 25 year old who has so much time he will probably never die. My a***h*** bleeds for his plight. Instead of getting himself killed my gangsters, called minutemen.... yes they are called minutemen....he gives his time to Salas with his only parting words are written on the window, "don't waste my time."
Ok I have to stop here for a minute. I want you to count how many time puns I just made in that last paragraph. Go ahead. Count it. This is what happens in the first ten or fifteen minutes of the movie! And oh believe me I'm not saying a bunch more that happens in that same fifteen minutes! "I'll give you a half hour so you can have a nice lunch." "That'll be four hours for a cup of coffee?" I WANTED TO SET FIRE TO THE THEATER!
So naturally all the things Will does with that time attracts the police's attention. Oh, did I say police? I mean the timekeepers. *ahem* And of course they are corrupt and want to kill Will. Why? Hell if I know. But that doesn't stop the movie from shoehorning in a subplot! Oh no. The timekeeper trying to catch Will knew Will's father. He was some kind of Robin Hood type. Stealing time from the rich and giving it to the poor. I like his father. He sounds like a good and noble man. He just might be the best character in the entire movie. BECAUSE HE ISN'T IN THE MOVIE! I'm not kidding. No pictures, no name, nothing... I was completely unaware Will had a father until the cop said he knew his father. I'm not going to call him a timekeeper. F*** that!
Which brings me to my second complaint. The writing SUCKS! There's symbolism, there's foreshadowing, and then there's this damn movie. Symbolism and foreshadowing are supposed to be subtle things. Things we aren't supposed to think about but in hindsight we recognize it and go, "oh yeah." IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE A SHOVEL UPSIDE OUR HEADS! Look no further than the title of the movie. "In Time." Throughout the movie we see a mission. With a nice green neon sign reading, "out of time". Get it. Get the joke there. Do you see the pun? Do you? DO YOU SEE IT. LOOK! IT'S A NEON SIGN! IT SAYS "OUT OF TIME!" BUT LATER WILL GETS LOTS OF TIME AND GIVES IT TO THE MISSION! NOW THEY HAVE TIME! THEY ARE "IN TIME!"
Or how about the foreshadowing of saying Will's father died in a fight. You see, they don't fight like we do. No. Time is transfered just by grabbing someone by the wrist. (That's really not an efficient way to keep one from dieing.) So, to fight, they lock wrists and the clocks on their arm runs down. Whoever can suck out the life force of their opponent first, wins. Just lovely. Guess what happens to the minutemen gangsters? Can you guess? Every twist and turn in this movie is telegraphed so poorly I swear a seventh grader wrote the script.
How about the message of the movie? That of course being a oh so lovely lecture on Social Darwinism. How the rich get to live forever because they are strong and get to suck the life out of the lower classes because they don't have much. In what might be the only classy thing this movie did was not including Queen's song "Who Wants To Live Forever." Instead they go with the horrendous line, "for few to be immortal, many must die." I will simply leave it at that. No doubt you can hear the hampster fall off the wheel. The mouse is losing his cheese. The screw is in the ball. In other words, THIS IF F***ING STUPID!
But I saved the best piece of stupid for last. You see, when you are born, there's a glowing clock already on your arm. It says you have one year. The clock starts to run down once you turn 25 years old. So, nobody ever ages over the age of 25. How does any of this work. SHUT UP. Will says he doesn't "have time" to think about these things. So we are just meant to accept that this is how this world works. You're born with a clock in your arm. It doesn't do anything for 25 years. Once you hit 25 it jolts your body and starts ticking. THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL! So people go to factories and make "time machines" that can collect your life energy so it can be stored in a bank.
Can you see why I hated this movie? Life energy slowly bleeding away until death. That's a great metaphor for the whole viewing experience.
Poll time. Talk amongst your friends. Which of these makes the least amount of sense?
1) Fighting exploding birds with coat hangers
2) Dracula fighting werewolves with a holy hand grenade
3) A psychic timetraveling demonic rabbit predicting the end of the world
4) Life energy being not only real, but measured in terms of minutes and used as currency in a world where everyone is essentially soul stealing vampires.
Bonus points if you can guess which movies these are. #4 is of course "In Time"
Why is it so bad? Let's start with the most annoying part first. The puns. It's a hour and 40 minute movie and they never stop with the "time" puns. I don't have time, can you spare a minute, time zones, time keepers, all the time in the world, and on and on and on.
Here's the story. Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) is a poor guy and since your life force (or time) is the only source of currency, he has about a day to live unless he makes more time. F*** EVEN I'M DOING THE STUPID PUNS! ARRGH!
One day a rich guy goes into the ghetto where Salas lives (time zone 12). He wants to die because he's over 100 years old and sick of living as a gorgeous 25 year old who has so much time he will probably never die. My a***h*** bleeds for his plight. Instead of getting himself killed my gangsters, called minutemen.... yes they are called minutemen....he gives his time to Salas with his only parting words are written on the window, "don't waste my time."
Ok I have to stop here for a minute. I want you to count how many time puns I just made in that last paragraph. Go ahead. Count it. This is what happens in the first ten or fifteen minutes of the movie! And oh believe me I'm not saying a bunch more that happens in that same fifteen minutes! "I'll give you a half hour so you can have a nice lunch." "That'll be four hours for a cup of coffee?" I WANTED TO SET FIRE TO THE THEATER!
So naturally all the things Will does with that time attracts the police's attention. Oh, did I say police? I mean the timekeepers. *ahem* And of course they are corrupt and want to kill Will. Why? Hell if I know. But that doesn't stop the movie from shoehorning in a subplot! Oh no. The timekeeper trying to catch Will knew Will's father. He was some kind of Robin Hood type. Stealing time from the rich and giving it to the poor. I like his father. He sounds like a good and noble man. He just might be the best character in the entire movie. BECAUSE HE ISN'T IN THE MOVIE! I'm not kidding. No pictures, no name, nothing... I was completely unaware Will had a father until the cop said he knew his father. I'm not going to call him a timekeeper. F*** that!
Which brings me to my second complaint. The writing SUCKS! There's symbolism, there's foreshadowing, and then there's this damn movie. Symbolism and foreshadowing are supposed to be subtle things. Things we aren't supposed to think about but in hindsight we recognize it and go, "oh yeah." IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE A SHOVEL UPSIDE OUR HEADS! Look no further than the title of the movie. "In Time." Throughout the movie we see a mission. With a nice green neon sign reading, "out of time". Get it. Get the joke there. Do you see the pun? Do you? DO YOU SEE IT. LOOK! IT'S A NEON SIGN! IT SAYS "OUT OF TIME!" BUT LATER WILL GETS LOTS OF TIME AND GIVES IT TO THE MISSION! NOW THEY HAVE TIME! THEY ARE "IN TIME!"
Or how about the foreshadowing of saying Will's father died in a fight. You see, they don't fight like we do. No. Time is transfered just by grabbing someone by the wrist. (That's really not an efficient way to keep one from dieing.) So, to fight, they lock wrists and the clocks on their arm runs down. Whoever can suck out the life force of their opponent first, wins. Just lovely. Guess what happens to the minutemen gangsters? Can you guess? Every twist and turn in this movie is telegraphed so poorly I swear a seventh grader wrote the script.
How about the message of the movie? That of course being a oh so lovely lecture on Social Darwinism. How the rich get to live forever because they are strong and get to suck the life out of the lower classes because they don't have much. In what might be the only classy thing this movie did was not including Queen's song "Who Wants To Live Forever." Instead they go with the horrendous line, "for few to be immortal, many must die." I will simply leave it at that. No doubt you can hear the hampster fall off the wheel. The mouse is losing his cheese. The screw is in the ball. In other words, THIS IF F***ING STUPID!
But I saved the best piece of stupid for last. You see, when you are born, there's a glowing clock already on your arm. It says you have one year. The clock starts to run down once you turn 25 years old. So, nobody ever ages over the age of 25. How does any of this work. SHUT UP. Will says he doesn't "have time" to think about these things. So we are just meant to accept that this is how this world works. You're born with a clock in your arm. It doesn't do anything for 25 years. Once you hit 25 it jolts your body and starts ticking. THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL! So people go to factories and make "time machines" that can collect your life energy so it can be stored in a bank.
Can you see why I hated this movie? Life energy slowly bleeding away until death. That's a great metaphor for the whole viewing experience.
Poll time. Talk amongst your friends. Which of these makes the least amount of sense?
1) Fighting exploding birds with coat hangers
2) Dracula fighting werewolves with a holy hand grenade
3) A psychic timetraveling demonic rabbit predicting the end of the world
4) Life energy being not only real, but measured in terms of minutes and used as currency in a world where everyone is essentially soul stealing vampires.
Bonus points if you can guess which movies these are. #4 is of course "In Time"
Monday, October 24, 2011
Coming Soon: 10/28/11
I might be more negative in this one. Sorry up front for that. I had a really bad day at work. Anyway, let's do something fun and look at movies.
1) Anonymus: A look at an old conspiracy about the authorship of the works of William Shakespeare and one possible explanation
The Good: It looks wonderful. The costumes are authentic and given a very 17th century feel.
The Bad: It's a political intrigue movie. Not exactly a known large crowd pleaser.
Final Thoughts: This one was requested I review from one of my friends on twitter. (hi Kim) And I can see why. It looks like a very well made movie and one that will prove to be interesting. If you are into politics, history, and willing to accept a little bit of whimsy, I think this one is worth watching.
2) The Rum Diary: A strange case of corporate greed and corruption.
The Good: Johnny Depp is in it. The guy is phenomonal. It's an interesting story. One grounded in the problems of today.
The Bad: Can we stop with the political lecture movies please?
Final Thoughts: It's good. But I still don't want to see it. I'm so tired of hearing about corporate greed, corrupt politics, and what not. I get it. America has been bought. That's hardly newsworthy. If you feel that strongly about it, do something. Join the protests. Do you really think making a movie about the problem impresses me?
3) In Time: In a world where your life span is the new currency, one man is framed for murder.
The Good: Oh God. Make the pain stop!
The Bad: My brain feels like a monkey used it for a toilet! A very large monkey on laxatives!
Final Thoughts: I would rather cut my lawn one blade of grass at a time with nail clippers than be within a hundred miles of any theater showing this!
4) Like Crazy: A love story where two people fall in love and separate.
The Good: Uhm... there's love in it.
The Bad: We've all had bad breakups. They suck. We move on. Apparently someone made a movie about it. Thrilling. If you have to leave the country, call on the telephone! The internet is everywhere! SKYPE!
Final Thoughts: More pretentious love crap from someone who read too many romance books.
5) 13 The story of a man sucked into a world of underground Russian Roulette tournaments.
The Good: You have to be F***ing kidding. Jasan Statham and Mickey Rourke are in this crap?
The Bad: It's Russian Roulette tournaments? Do I really need to explain how bad this is going to be? Ok. Here's something else. It's a remake. Game over man. Check please.
Final Thoughts: Remake. Russian. Roulette. Tournaments. The end.
6) The Double: Retired CIA agent and a rookie FBI agent team up to find an assassin.
The Good: Great cast. (Topher Grace aside) Richard Gere and Martin Sheen lend credibility immediately.
The Bad: I saw this movie. It was called the Jackyl. It had Bruce Willis. Back when he still had hair. It also had Richard Gere. It sucked.
See you at the movies.
1) Anonymus: A look at an old conspiracy about the authorship of the works of William Shakespeare and one possible explanation
The Good: It looks wonderful. The costumes are authentic and given a very 17th century feel.
The Bad: It's a political intrigue movie. Not exactly a known large crowd pleaser.
Final Thoughts: This one was requested I review from one of my friends on twitter. (hi Kim) And I can see why. It looks like a very well made movie and one that will prove to be interesting. If you are into politics, history, and willing to accept a little bit of whimsy, I think this one is worth watching.
2) The Rum Diary: A strange case of corporate greed and corruption.
The Good: Johnny Depp is in it. The guy is phenomonal. It's an interesting story. One grounded in the problems of today.
The Bad: Can we stop with the political lecture movies please?
Final Thoughts: It's good. But I still don't want to see it. I'm so tired of hearing about corporate greed, corrupt politics, and what not. I get it. America has been bought. That's hardly newsworthy. If you feel that strongly about it, do something. Join the protests. Do you really think making a movie about the problem impresses me?
3) In Time: In a world where your life span is the new currency, one man is framed for murder.
The Good: Oh God. Make the pain stop!
The Bad: My brain feels like a monkey used it for a toilet! A very large monkey on laxatives!
Final Thoughts: I would rather cut my lawn one blade of grass at a time with nail clippers than be within a hundred miles of any theater showing this!
4) Like Crazy: A love story where two people fall in love and separate.
The Good: Uhm... there's love in it.
The Bad: We've all had bad breakups. They suck. We move on. Apparently someone made a movie about it. Thrilling. If you have to leave the country, call on the telephone! The internet is everywhere! SKYPE!
Final Thoughts: More pretentious love crap from someone who read too many romance books.
5) 13 The story of a man sucked into a world of underground Russian Roulette tournaments.
The Good: You have to be F***ing kidding. Jasan Statham and Mickey Rourke are in this crap?
The Bad: It's Russian Roulette tournaments? Do I really need to explain how bad this is going to be? Ok. Here's something else. It's a remake. Game over man. Check please.
Final Thoughts: Remake. Russian. Roulette. Tournaments. The end.
6) The Double: Retired CIA agent and a rookie FBI agent team up to find an assassin.
The Good: Great cast. (Topher Grace aside) Richard Gere and Martin Sheen lend credibility immediately.
The Bad: I saw this movie. It was called the Jackyl. It had Bruce Willis. Back when he still had hair. It also had Richard Gere. It sucked.
See you at the movies.
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