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Monday, September 3, 2012

Coming Soon: 9/7/12

If ever there was a week to stay in, pop some popcorn, and put on a DVD it would be this week.  There's not much good coming out this week.  If there's something you haven't seen yet, that's what you should do.  Here's what I mean.

1) THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY: A guy goes to Spain and his family gets kidnapped by intelligence agents.

The Good: I hope you like looking at how pretty Spain is.

The Bad: It's an hour and a half long MacGuffin chase.  Whoopie!

Final Thoughts: There are so many other movies with the same plot that do it better with better looking action scenes.  Go find one of them.  May I recommend The Bourne Identity.

2) THE WORDS: A writer steals another person's work.

The Good: It's a star studded cast.  It will be well acted.

The Bad: I can't tell what is going on.  The trailer makes it look like someone wants to kill Bradley Cooper... for plagiarism...

Final Thoughts: Not a chance.

3) [REC]3 GENESIS: Two people are enjoying their wedding when everyone starts turning into zombies.

The Good: It's short.

The Bad: The zombies aren't really zombies.  They're just "sick".

Final Thoughts: If you've seen any of the other REC movies, you should already know how embarrassing this franchise truely is.  By the way, REC is the original Spanish name for Quarantine.  It's going to be god awful.

4) THE INBETWEENERS: Nerds try to have sex with women.

The Good: No more.  I'm so pissed at these sexual comedies I just refuse.

The Bad: EVERYTHING!!!!!

Final Thoughts: "Ha Ha.  Look at that nerd.  He's so repulsive to women and I find it funny."  There.  That's your movie.  Do you feel good about yourself?  NO MORE!!!!

5) BACHELORETTE: A woman is about to get married so her and her friends decide to have one last night of unbridled carnal fun.

The Good: I got nothing.

The Bad: It's an annoying female version of The Hangover.  Dear God does the trailer make this feel like nails on a chalkboard.

Final Thoughts: You'd have to drag me into the theater and I promise you I won't make it easy.

See you at the movies.  But not this week.

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