I know for the last few months I haven't exactly done a lot of reviews for this site. Part of it is because I moved back to Korea and watching movies in English is a bit limited. The other reason is that movies this year have been so bad that it's just so hard to justify the expense. I've gone back and started watching the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 videos and found those far more interesting than paying the eight dollars to go to the theater and watch a lot of what we were given this year. I went to so few movies this year I can't even do a proper Top Ten. Instead it's going to be a Top Five. I apologize for that, but five is as good as I can do. Please understand. Without further delay, here are the five movies this year that had me pulling my hair out.
5) The Lone Ranger: If ever there was a movie that didn't need to be a Pirates of the Caribbean clone, it's The Lone Ranger. This movie was terrible. Really the only fun part of the movie was towards the end when we did away with all the BS and it started to feel more like the old TV show. Once the William Tell Overture starts playing, it's beautiful cowboys and indians fun. Everything before that is either bewildering, ill-conceived, or just plain disgusting. Keep the last 15 minutes or so and re-write the rest.
4) Elysium: Talk about a misstep in logic. None of this movie's story worked. It's so dead set on pushing it's ideological agenda it never stopped to think if the setting and story supported it. Characters need to have a motivation. If your villain is just evil for the sake of being evil, it undermines any kind of point you might be trying to make. What puts this over The Lone Ranger is that this one had such a higher potential and instead it wasted it. A real shame.
3) Man of Steel: More like SuperBatman. This wasn't a Superman movie. There isn't any joy in it. It's just Superman exposed to the worst side of humanity. I ask you: How can the paragon of hope, righteousness, and justice be that if all he ever sees is fear? All we ever see is humans being horrible to Clark, reacting to him out of fear, and the fear of his adopted parents if the world ever learned about him. And yet it's something that they repeat over and over that Clark belongs to the world. I can appreciate that they tried to make a more "gritty" Superman but ripping off The Dark Knight isn't how you do it. And that woefully horrendous ending! Just... NO!!!! You don't do that with Superman!
2) G.I. Joe Retaliation: This was both a sequel and yet not. Not only were all the heroes from the last movie killed unceremoniously, but so were all but two of the villains! And yet it's supposed to be a direct sequel? While I can understand hitting the reset button after that atrocious first movie, this one isn't any better. It tried to correct the mistakes the first movie made, but in doing so only made whole new mistakes. It's a terrible watch.
1) Star Trek- Into Darkness: This is where it went from bad to obscene. While from a cinematic point of view this is better than the last Star Trek movie, but this movie only confirmed for me that J.J. Abrams has no idea what Star Trek is. It was clear to me that Abrams wrote this movie with one foot out the door. He's going to go on and do Star Wars and really this movie felt like a Star Wars script. And it wasn't a very good Star Wars script. If you want more details as to why it pissed me off so much, please read my review as I am trying to keep these recaps short. The less I think about how Star Trek II was butchered in this polished up turd of a movie, the happier I'll be.
There's the movies on my naughty list. If there was a movie you thought was worse, chances are I didn't see it. There were a lot more bad movies showing in theaters this year so your list might be different. These were the movies I saw that I just hated.
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