This month has been amazing. I started going to a gym to help me lose weight plus I've had to really think about my future. I won't bore you with the details but it's something that has occupied my time and going to the theaters to see a bad movie just didn't happen. From the looks of it I didn't miss much. Let's see what we have in store this week.
1) WARM BODIES: An odd take on the Zombie mythos as a zombie starts to regain his humanity.
The Good: It's a cheeky comedy with an interesting idea.
The Bad: Just another zombie movie coupled with a love story.
Final Thoughts: If done well, this kind of movie can be really good. I've seen it done well with Zombie Honeymoon. It might be worth it as a rental.
2) BULLET TO THE HEAD: A hitman teams up with a cop to track down their partner's killers.
The Good: A cheesy action comedy with Sylvester Stallone.
The Bad: Same old, same old.
Final Thoughts: I wouldn't expect great cinema, but maybe a good popcorn flick.
3) STAND UP GUYS: When a criminal gets out of prison, he's picked up by one of his old buddies. Then they must confront their past.
The Good: Al Pacino, Alan Arkin, and "The Man" Christopher Walken. Enough said.
The Bad: I don't care. It has Christopher Walken and Al Pacino.
Final Thoughts: Can't wait.
See you at the movies
Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Coming Soon: 1/25/13
January really sucks. Right now the weather is so foggy it's hard to get motivated to do anything. Plus there's a lot of really bad movies out. When catching Bloodrayne: The Third Reich on tv is an acceptable Friday night, you know there are problems. Are there any good movies this week to shake up the week long greys? Let's see:
1) HANSEL AND GRETEL - WITCH HUNTERS: The two German children who ran afoul of a witch in a Gingerbread house when they were kids have now grown up and killing witches is their job.
The Good: It's in the same vein as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
The Bad: This movie defies reviewing. It's either funny or not.
Final Thoughts: I want to see it just because trash movies like this are a guilty pleasure. Just wait! Next it's going to be Joan of Arc: Mummy Hunter or Attila: Zombie Slayer
2) MOVIE 43: A pulp fiction type movie filled with offensive humor.
The Good: Lots of great actors.
The Bad: It's just offensive humor. No rhyme or reason.
Final Thoughts: Movies like this live and die on the idea of shock value. There's nothing more to it than that. It's not worth my time or yours.
3) PARKER: Jason Statham is back to kick butt as a bank robber who is betrayed by his partner. Now he's out for revenge.
The Good: It's Statham. Funny quips, great action, and a cheesy '80s style story.
The Bad: If you aren't a fan, it won't win converts.
Final Thoughts: I feel cursed to watch every Jason Statham movie that comes out. Most of his movies I hate, but I'm just waiting for that next great gem amongst the crap.
4) JOHN DIES AT THE END: A wild new drug is on the streets and aliens are in the skies. It's up to two High School drop outs to save the world. Can they? Probably not.
The Good: This is going to be a trippy movie. Lot's of drug induced images.
The Bad: Don't expect a coherent story.
Final Thoughts: This might just be the best movie out there this month. If you can get in to it. It won't be for the casual movie goer.
See you at the movies.
1) HANSEL AND GRETEL - WITCH HUNTERS: The two German children who ran afoul of a witch in a Gingerbread house when they were kids have now grown up and killing witches is their job.
The Good: It's in the same vein as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
The Bad: This movie defies reviewing. It's either funny or not.
Final Thoughts: I want to see it just because trash movies like this are a guilty pleasure. Just wait! Next it's going to be Joan of Arc: Mummy Hunter or Attila: Zombie Slayer
2) MOVIE 43: A pulp fiction type movie filled with offensive humor.
The Good: Lots of great actors.
The Bad: It's just offensive humor. No rhyme or reason.
Final Thoughts: Movies like this live and die on the idea of shock value. There's nothing more to it than that. It's not worth my time or yours.
3) PARKER: Jason Statham is back to kick butt as a bank robber who is betrayed by his partner. Now he's out for revenge.
The Good: It's Statham. Funny quips, great action, and a cheesy '80s style story.
The Bad: If you aren't a fan, it won't win converts.
Final Thoughts: I feel cursed to watch every Jason Statham movie that comes out. Most of his movies I hate, but I'm just waiting for that next great gem amongst the crap.
4) JOHN DIES AT THE END: A wild new drug is on the streets and aliens are in the skies. It's up to two High School drop outs to save the world. Can they? Probably not.
The Good: This is going to be a trippy movie. Lot's of drug induced images.
The Bad: Don't expect a coherent story.
Final Thoughts: This might just be the best movie out there this month. If you can get in to it. It won't be for the casual movie goer.
See you at the movies.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Zero Dark Thirty Review: What Can I Say?
I am at a complete loss as to what to say about it. Normally I can point to something in the production I didn't like. For example the acting, the shaking camera, etc. Everything here is done well. The acting was very good, except for a few shaky cam moments it looked really good. There is absolutely no reason for me to not like this movie and yet I didn't like it.
If there is anything I'd say it was the pacing of the first hour and a half of the movie. But even then it's understandable because it was all about building Chastain's character as a rookie agent into a badass leader willing to stick her neck out. It's not like it could be cut. It's needed to understand our protagonist. While it does get boring at times, as a storyteller, you can't just assume the audience understands the relationship between the USA and Usama Bin Laden.
Maybe it just wasn't for me. It's a political docudrama. Those aren't exactly words that scream grand cinema. I know a lot of the movie was embellished to be a better story. I'm guessing there really isn't an agent Maya out there somewhere. I seriously doubt the gratuitous torture scenes really happened in that fashion. It's just a lot of stuff embellished to tell a more interesting story. It's a movie. You can't fault it for punching up dry material.
It's a great movie. It's well directed and deserves all the awards this movie wins. It just wasn't the kind of movie I enjoy.
If there is anything I'd say it was the pacing of the first hour and a half of the movie. But even then it's understandable because it was all about building Chastain's character as a rookie agent into a badass leader willing to stick her neck out. It's not like it could be cut. It's needed to understand our protagonist. While it does get boring at times, as a storyteller, you can't just assume the audience understands the relationship between the USA and Usama Bin Laden.
Maybe it just wasn't for me. It's a political docudrama. Those aren't exactly words that scream grand cinema. I know a lot of the movie was embellished to be a better story. I'm guessing there really isn't an agent Maya out there somewhere. I seriously doubt the gratuitous torture scenes really happened in that fashion. It's just a lot of stuff embellished to tell a more interesting story. It's a movie. You can't fault it for punching up dry material.
It's a great movie. It's well directed and deserves all the awards this movie wins. It just wasn't the kind of movie I enjoy.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Coming Soon: 1/18/13
I'm sorry I'm so late with this. Normally I like to get these out on Mondays but this week was just crazy. I got busy. I got sick. And it's January and there's very little good out there anyway. Lots of excuses I know. I apologize. So, groveling aside, here's what is coming out this week.
1) MAMA: Two girls have their mother killed and something is haunting them. Is it their mother?
The Good: This is an old school style horror flick. Much more emphasis on atmosphere and less on gore.
The Bad: It's still just about every ghost story you've ever heard.
Final Thoughts: It's worth a shot. I can't imagine it winning many converts though.
2) THE LAST STAND: An LAPD cop moves to a sleepy little burg to be the sheriff of a small town where crime doesn't happen too often. Until drug runners come roaring through his town.
The Good: It's an old school '80s style action movie. Perfect for a guy like Schwarzenegger.
The Bad: There isn't much to it other than big explosions and car chases.
Final Thoughts: If I had to pick a movie worth seeing this month, this might be it.
3) BROKEN CITY: A private detective is hired by the mayor to follow the mayor's wife.
The Good: Marky Mark?
The Bad: It's a movie that wants to be drama but only gives melodrama.
Final Thoughts: Might be fun, but I doubt it.
See you at the movies.
1) MAMA: Two girls have their mother killed and something is haunting them. Is it their mother?
The Good: This is an old school style horror flick. Much more emphasis on atmosphere and less on gore.
The Bad: It's still just about every ghost story you've ever heard.
Final Thoughts: It's worth a shot. I can't imagine it winning many converts though.
2) THE LAST STAND: An LAPD cop moves to a sleepy little burg to be the sheriff of a small town where crime doesn't happen too often. Until drug runners come roaring through his town.
The Good: It's an old school '80s style action movie. Perfect for a guy like Schwarzenegger.
The Bad: There isn't much to it other than big explosions and car chases.
Final Thoughts: If I had to pick a movie worth seeing this month, this might be it.
3) BROKEN CITY: A private detective is hired by the mayor to follow the mayor's wife.
The Good: Marky Mark?
The Bad: It's a movie that wants to be drama but only gives melodrama.
Final Thoughts: Might be fun, but I doubt it.
See you at the movies.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Coming Soon: 1/11/13
I tried to force myself to go see Texas Chainsaw. I just couldn't do it. The very idea of it is just so awful. And if what I'm hearing is true, this might just be the worst thing that ever happened to a beloved slasher since Michael Myers started dreaming of white horses. Yeah, expect an editorial on how Hollywood tries in vain to build a franchise around horror characters and fail miserably. But in the meantime, let's see what is coming out this week.
1) ZERO DARK THIRTY: The story of the SEAL team that finally killed Osama Bin Laden.
The Good: A dramatic look at the most famous manhunt in American history.
The Bad: A lot has been criticized about this movie for the inclusion of torture interrogations and possibly leaked intelligence to the screenwriters not given to Congress.
Final Thoughts: Politics of this movie aside, it's one of those movies I think should be a must see. For as much evil as he's done, he changed this country and there was no more cathartic moment in the last 12 years than when the manhunt ended.
2) GANGSTER SQUAD: A story based on the famous gangster Mickey Cohen and his Los Angeles empire being threatened by ambitious and brave police officers.
The Good: It looks like a great gangster movie featuring a very interesting gangster.
The Bad: I doubt very highly this is going to be historically accurate.
Final Thoughts: Mickey Cohen is an interesting guy. He started as a boxer, then a brief associate of Al Capone and Bugsy Seigel. He was a violent guy to be sure, but it was Bugsy that really controlled Los Angeles at that time. Cohen was the muscle. And what happened to Cohen to end his "criminal empire" isn't all that thrilling. I'd recommend the 1991 movie Bugsy personally. In that one Harvey Keitel is Mickey Cohen.
3) A HAUNTED HOUSE: A parody of found footage horror movies.
The Good: You will save so much money by not even going to see it.
The Bad: Do you really want to get me started? Let's just say the very notion of this movie pisses me off.
Final Thoughts: There's a difference between a "parody" and a "rip-off". Mel Brooks did parodies. Marlon Wayans does rip-offs. Very unfunny rip-offs. Just a quick question: how is this movie different from, say... Scary Movie? Did anyone like Scary Movie? Or any of the sequels?
See you at the movies.
1) ZERO DARK THIRTY: The story of the SEAL team that finally killed Osama Bin Laden.
The Good: A dramatic look at the most famous manhunt in American history.
The Bad: A lot has been criticized about this movie for the inclusion of torture interrogations and possibly leaked intelligence to the screenwriters not given to Congress.
Final Thoughts: Politics of this movie aside, it's one of those movies I think should be a must see. For as much evil as he's done, he changed this country and there was no more cathartic moment in the last 12 years than when the manhunt ended.
2) GANGSTER SQUAD: A story based on the famous gangster Mickey Cohen and his Los Angeles empire being threatened by ambitious and brave police officers.
The Good: It looks like a great gangster movie featuring a very interesting gangster.
The Bad: I doubt very highly this is going to be historically accurate.
Final Thoughts: Mickey Cohen is an interesting guy. He started as a boxer, then a brief associate of Al Capone and Bugsy Seigel. He was a violent guy to be sure, but it was Bugsy that really controlled Los Angeles at that time. Cohen was the muscle. And what happened to Cohen to end his "criminal empire" isn't all that thrilling. I'd recommend the 1991 movie Bugsy personally. In that one Harvey Keitel is Mickey Cohen.
3) A HAUNTED HOUSE: A parody of found footage horror movies.
The Good: You will save so much money by not even going to see it.
The Bad: Do you really want to get me started? Let's just say the very notion of this movie pisses me off.
Final Thoughts: There's a difference between a "parody" and a "rip-off". Mel Brooks did parodies. Marlon Wayans does rip-offs. Very unfunny rip-offs. Just a quick question: how is this movie different from, say... Scary Movie? Did anyone like Scary Movie? Or any of the sequels?
See you at the movies.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Coming Soon: 1/4/13
New year has come and passed. I'm glad everyone survived the Mayan 2012 apocalypse. I just have to ask: did anyone really take that seriously? Anyway, there's plenty of movies coming up. Not many good ones unfortunately. But here is what you can see this weekend.
1) TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D: Leatherface terrorizes teenagers.
The Good: It's torture porn for gore hounds.
The Bad: Just how many unncecessary remakes are they going to make?
Final Thoughts: *apologies this is longer than it should be* When I think of poorly produced, badly thought out, and totally disrespected movies we eventually come to the horror/slasher genre. Many people think all you need is an unkillable bad guy and a high body count and it will be a success. There's a reason the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a huge success and it wasn't because of the body count or gallons of blood. It's because a movie like that hadn't ever been done before in 1974. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is in many ways the original slasher movie. A killer whose face we never really see, obsessive compulsive motives for killing, using power tools as instruments of distruction instead of creation. It was as much a psychological thriller as it was a "slasher" movie. It was a portrait of pure evil inspired by a real life serial killer, Ed Gein. A killer who not only inspired Leatherface, but also Buffalo Bill and Norman Bates. It's not the blood, it's not the overly staged death scenes, it's not the computer effects, and it's not the body counts. It's about experiencing evil. Some people can't tell the difference. Nowadays the "slasher" movies drown out the idea of pure evil and instead just show carnage as the actors involved cash in an easy paycheck and hopefully launch their careers. And yes I said easy and I mean it. How hard is it to act scared? It's one of the most basic human emotions out there? Here's your character motivation: He's scary and wants to kill you. Act scared and run away. OSCAR PLEASE! It's why they get little known talent to do these movies. It doesn't take much skill to act scared and they can produce movies like these for relatively cheap. Add in the fact they can slap the name Texas Chainsaw on it and throw in a big hulking guy and call him Leatherface to trick audiences into thinking this is in any way going to be as good as the original. It's a horror movie not good enough to be released anywhere near October. You tell me how good you think it is.
2) A DARK TRUTH: A former CIA operative turned talk show host is hired by a whistle blower to expose human rights abuses by the whistle blower's company.
The Good: It has that one guy from Diary of a Wimpy Kid?
The Bad: This is an action movie with all the subtlety of Ferngully.
Final Thoughts: So not interested.
3) VS: A group of super heroes do battle with the arch nemesis they believed was dead.
The Good: I have no idea.
The Bad: It's written, directed and starring the same guy. Not a good sign.
Final Thoughts: It's a small, independant movie by a guy and his friends looking to catch a break. Give it a chance.
See you at the movies
1) TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D: Leatherface terrorizes teenagers.
The Good: It's torture porn for gore hounds.
The Bad: Just how many unncecessary remakes are they going to make?
Final Thoughts: *apologies this is longer than it should be* When I think of poorly produced, badly thought out, and totally disrespected movies we eventually come to the horror/slasher genre. Many people think all you need is an unkillable bad guy and a high body count and it will be a success. There's a reason the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a huge success and it wasn't because of the body count or gallons of blood. It's because a movie like that hadn't ever been done before in 1974. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is in many ways the original slasher movie. A killer whose face we never really see, obsessive compulsive motives for killing, using power tools as instruments of distruction instead of creation. It was as much a psychological thriller as it was a "slasher" movie. It was a portrait of pure evil inspired by a real life serial killer, Ed Gein. A killer who not only inspired Leatherface, but also Buffalo Bill and Norman Bates. It's not the blood, it's not the overly staged death scenes, it's not the computer effects, and it's not the body counts. It's about experiencing evil. Some people can't tell the difference. Nowadays the "slasher" movies drown out the idea of pure evil and instead just show carnage as the actors involved cash in an easy paycheck and hopefully launch their careers. And yes I said easy and I mean it. How hard is it to act scared? It's one of the most basic human emotions out there? Here's your character motivation: He's scary and wants to kill you. Act scared and run away. OSCAR PLEASE! It's why they get little known talent to do these movies. It doesn't take much skill to act scared and they can produce movies like these for relatively cheap. Add in the fact they can slap the name Texas Chainsaw on it and throw in a big hulking guy and call him Leatherface to trick audiences into thinking this is in any way going to be as good as the original. It's a horror movie not good enough to be released anywhere near October. You tell me how good you think it is.
2) A DARK TRUTH: A former CIA operative turned talk show host is hired by a whistle blower to expose human rights abuses by the whistle blower's company.
The Good: It has that one guy from Diary of a Wimpy Kid?
The Bad: This is an action movie with all the subtlety of Ferngully.
Final Thoughts: So not interested.
3) VS: A group of super heroes do battle with the arch nemesis they believed was dead.
The Good: I have no idea.
The Bad: It's written, directed and starring the same guy. Not a good sign.
Final Thoughts: It's a small, independant movie by a guy and his friends looking to catch a break. Give it a chance.
See you at the movies
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)