I admit I wasn't all that enthusiastic to see Immortals. The trailers made it look like something that belongs in the same category as 300 or the Clash of the Titans remake and after watching the movie, I haven't seen anything to change that opinion. It's flashy, over-the-top, and not all that memorable. Since comparisons are unavoidable I shall do that, but first I need to look at this by its own merits.
*special note: for my VERY angry rant, skip to the bottom of this article.
I didn't see the movie in 3D but really most of the movie was clearly NOT meant for 3D. Only three scenes were specifically meant to be seen in 3D. Unfortunately for me, one of those scenes was by far my favorite of the movie. And seeing it in 2D made it look like s***.
My favorite scene is when Aries comes down from Olympus and kills an entire battalian of troops. He's moving at God-like speed while everyone else is standing around getting their heads bashed in by his hammer. Easily one of the most badass scenes of the movie.
Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point to Mickey Rourke who single-handedly made King Hyperion somewhat human. The dialogue in the movie sucked and King Hyperion is this souless sadist. No redeeming qualities at all. But thanks to Rourke we do see some humanity. We see his resentment of the Gods and that is key. We need that motivation because it is the whole point of the movie. Hyperion resents that his family died, he blames the Gods for not getting involved, and he wants to be immortal himself by becoming like Abraham in the bible. (the father of an entire race)
Also much applause to Henry Cavill (Theseus), Frieda Pinto (Phaedra) and her backside. There was a full moon rising! The Aries fight scene and Pinto's bare butt front and center might be enough to justify the 3D ticket price. It's a perfect derierre.
What's wrong with the movie? First, the gore level was turned up to 8. Any higher and we'd be in Human Centipede or Saw territory. For those unfamiliar with Tarsem Singh's directing style (and why wouldn't you? He's done almost nothing other than The Cell) he likes to blend really disturbing images with over-the-top visuals. His directing talent is very good. These were some of the best fight scenes I've seen in quite a while. I was impressed. But for every great scene it's offset by two grotesque ones. I'm talking about shattering a guys nuts with a war hammer or cooking three women inside a giant metal cow. I'm talking about the blatent old testament images and the heavy handed politics.
In terms of script there's nothing memorable. There's no great one-liners like "THIS IS SPARTA!" or "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" Visually, it's more restrained than 300 and is more like Clash of the Titans. Here's what bothered me though. They tried to ground it in reality. Theseus is most famous of course for the labrynth and the Minotaur. Instead of having that legendary monster, it's a soldier in a s&m style helmet. It's a cow's head made of poisoned barbed wire. If you are going to do a fantastical story where the Gods come down from Olympus to do battle, why doesn't it go all the way? Why not have mythical beasts?
Also, just like Clash of the Titans, why is the hero an athiest that finds religion just in time to save the day? In a universe where it's so obvious that the Gods exist, why is this guy an athiest? I know it's all part of the political message they are trying to get across. But still, it's really contrived. Not as bad as Clash of the Titans however.
Roger Ebert said it best, "It's the best looking awful movie you will ever see."
*and now for something completely different. Unbridled hostility in 3.... 2.... 1....
THEY CHANGED THE STORY!!!!!! Just like Clash of the Titans they changed the story. Instead of being a king he's now a bastard peasant and son of a disgraced woman who dared to be raped. That no good whore. No, he can't be a demi-god like in the original story. Screw that. He has to be an every man. He's a blue collar, semper fi, jar head of a soldier. Otherwise, who'd want to see it? It's just a story THAT HAS LITERALLY PASSED THE TEST OF TIME! Is classical literature just not good enough for your stupid little movie?
Oh that's right. You d***whistlers are in love with the old testament. It wasn't obvious enough that Hyperion wanted to be Abraham but the hero of the movie had to be F***ing David too. THESEUS WAS A F***ING ARGONAUT! HIS FATHER IS POSEIDON AND YOU MAKE HIM AN ATHEIST! Eat my fudge monkeys!
And what about Helen? Was the Trojan War just not a good enough story for you? And let's not forget about him having a son with Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons. Let's just skip that and bonk the virgin oracle. That has more symbolism.
Theseus has nothing to do with the titans. PERIOD! It's all about your precious symbolism of a war with the devine and then literally killing God. F*** YOU!
Oh I didn't forget your lovely little sermon throughout the movie. Oh no sir. "For Man to believe in God, God must believe in Man." You know what, I have a better one for you. "God is God and he doesn't have to justify himself!"
I need a drink.
No comments:
Post a Comment