This is one of my favorite times of year. I love halloween. And what would halloween be without some scary stories and monster movies? Here's what I'm personally looking forward to seeing in theaters this month.
1) SINISTER: Much like Mirrors, this is a bizzare story with so many possibilities. Ghosts living in pictures killing people. If you haven't had a good freakout yet, check out the trailers.
2) ARGO: It's the truth is stranger than fiction story about the Iranian Hostage Crisis where the idea to make a fake movie was used to get operatives into Iran to help rescue fifty-two people from being executed.
3) HERE COMES THE BOOM: This is the kind of comedy I'd like to see more often. It's a movie with heart and some legitimately funny scenes. It's nice to have a nice guy really putting himself out there for others in an extreme way. Can't wait.
4) SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS: Schlock, schlock, and more schlock with the king of schlock "The Man" Christopher Walken. It's going to be hilarious.
5) PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4: I love this series! It's so heavy in atmosphere I really am pressed to think of a horror movie I enjoy more. After the third movie, we have all the backstory filled in and now it's time to advance the story into some very creepy areas. I can't get enough of these!
See you at the movies
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Coming Soon: 9/28/12
Man I saw some great movies this week. I needed a week like this. I still haven't seen End of Watch, but I might squeeze it in before the Friday new releases. In the meantime, here's what is coming out on Friday.
1) LOOPER: Time travel exists and it's illegal. So, when the mob wants to get rid of someone, they send him 30 years into the past where a hired gun kills that person. Until one day the mob decides to send the hired gun into the past to be killed.
The Good: It's a very smart sci-fi movie with Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
The Bad: I don't understand why they send people into the past. And the previews make it look like some people have magic powers.
Final Thoughts: I'd see it but be wary of some things that might be out of place.
2) HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA: Dracula runs a hotel that caters to monsters so they don't have to interact with humans. Then a little boy finds the hotel.
The Good: It has all your favorite monsters.
The Bad: This is a story so lacking in any kind of imagination or creativity, I'm surprised it exists.
Final Thoughts: It might be good for kids, but not for anyone else.
3) SOLOMON KANE: Kane is a 16th century warrior looting and pillaging all across Northern Africa until he tries to attack the wrong castle.
The Good: This is a movie that is for guys like me that enjoy absurdity.
The Bad: I don't know if it plays into the cartoonish nature enough.
Final Thoughts: I want to see it. This is a very Conan-like movie. If you like epic action with funny quips, this is your movie.
See you at the movies
1) LOOPER: Time travel exists and it's illegal. So, when the mob wants to get rid of someone, they send him 30 years into the past where a hired gun kills that person. Until one day the mob decides to send the hired gun into the past to be killed.
The Good: It's a very smart sci-fi movie with Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
The Bad: I don't understand why they send people into the past. And the previews make it look like some people have magic powers.
Final Thoughts: I'd see it but be wary of some things that might be out of place.
2) HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA: Dracula runs a hotel that caters to monsters so they don't have to interact with humans. Then a little boy finds the hotel.
The Good: It has all your favorite monsters.
The Bad: This is a story so lacking in any kind of imagination or creativity, I'm surprised it exists.
Final Thoughts: It might be good for kids, but not for anyone else.
3) SOLOMON KANE: Kane is a 16th century warrior looting and pillaging all across Northern Africa until he tries to attack the wrong castle.
The Good: This is a movie that is for guys like me that enjoy absurdity.
The Bad: I don't know if it plays into the cartoonish nature enough.
Final Thoughts: I want to see it. This is a very Conan-like movie. If you like epic action with funny quips, this is your movie.
See you at the movies
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Dredd 3D review: Pass
I'm torn on this one. Honestly, I never had this feeling about a movie before and quite frankly I'm baffled. It's not that it's a bad movie. It's more the idea that what I liked about this movie are also the things I also didn't like so much. How can I both like and not like the same thing at the same time?
Here's some examples:
1) If you haven't heard, this is a basic story about Judge Dredd taking a rookie under his wing and investigating a triple homicide that turns into a drug war. On the streets, there is a new drug that makes the brain feel like time slows down.
Here's what I liked: the slow motion scenes are breath-taking. I mean when I first saw the villian (Ma-Ma played by Lena Headey) sitting in the bathtub playing with the water, I was just blown away.
Here's what I didn't like: They kept doing it. And with a movie only an hour and 38 minutes long, having several slow motion scenes started to feel padded; like the movie just couldn't get to that magical 90 minute run-time.
2) The scale of this movie is completely different from the Sylvester Stallone movie. The Stallone movie was much larger in scale. Dredd had his arch-nemesis, who was also his brother, and his clone, and all the head judged had been killed and the future of the city is unclear. This movie is much more of a "day in the life". This was a routine day in the life of a Judge. It was a simple investigation and then all hell broke loose.
Here's what I liked: A story like Judge Dredd needs to be smaller scale. It needs to be focused because it's much more nuanced than the simple action story. A lot of the drama from this movie is ingrained in the premise of the whole story. The Earth is in ruins, billions live in Mega Cities, and the only way for there to be any kind of law and order is to empower police officers with absolute authority. We need to see what that means in the setting of the story before we completely trash it.
Here's what I didn't like: It didn't feel special. At the end of the movie it didn't feel like anything was accomplished. Because the story really didn't end. The case was closed, but it was one bloody case out of countless more that day and many more to come.
3) This movie took itself far more seriously than the Stallone version.
Here's what I liked: It was much more dark, gritty, and far more faithful to the comic books. Everything was geared toward a much harder look at Judge Dredd. Dredd even did the grizzled Batman voice.
Here's what I didn't like: It took itself too seriously. The first kill of the movie a guy was shot in the mouth with an incindiary bomb. It was hilarious. The guy's head melted from the inside out. Have you ever seen one of those pumpkins on halloween that had a candle that was just a little too big? It was kinda like that. But then we're seeing people get skinned alive and thrown two-hundred stories straight down... in slow motion... Later we get three chain guns leveling an entire floor of the building, and then we get threats of rape and mutilation.
The one thing I absolutely didn't like was Dredd's partner Judge Anderson. She's a psychic.... Yeah... uhm... how can I say this... Don't. Do. That! Here's the problem with making a character able to read people's minds. It undermines the drama and creates plot holes. Dredd and Anderson arrest a guy named Kay for the murder of the three guys they were called to investigate. The only way they knew he was the guy was because Anderson read his mind. So they decide to take him in for interrogation..... Why? Read his mind. They do it later in the movie anyway. Why not read his mind right there? The very reason they get trapped in the building in the first place wasn't because they were LISTENING to what they were saying, it was because they SAW the Judges walking away with Kay in cuffs and didn't want him to talk. Then later Anderson used her psychic powers to enter into his mind and play around with his perceptions. Again, if she had that kind of power, why didn't she use it more? How about using it after she established this power to save her own neck? Why not swiss cheese Ma-Ma's brain? Later on there are rogue Judges and one was going to kill Anderson and she used her psychic powers to realize it. So instead of getting the dramatic tension of is she going to die, instead she shoots the rogue cop and we move on with our lives.
Do you see the problem? Don't make characters psychic.
This is why I'm torn on this movie. I thought it was a great movie, but man it really bothers me the stuff I like are also gnawing at me. Go see it. It's a great action flick, it's a great comic book flick, but man I just can't shake these love/hate feelings.
Here's some examples:
1) If you haven't heard, this is a basic story about Judge Dredd taking a rookie under his wing and investigating a triple homicide that turns into a drug war. On the streets, there is a new drug that makes the brain feel like time slows down.
Here's what I liked: the slow motion scenes are breath-taking. I mean when I first saw the villian (Ma-Ma played by Lena Headey) sitting in the bathtub playing with the water, I was just blown away.
Here's what I didn't like: They kept doing it. And with a movie only an hour and 38 minutes long, having several slow motion scenes started to feel padded; like the movie just couldn't get to that magical 90 minute run-time.
2) The scale of this movie is completely different from the Sylvester Stallone movie. The Stallone movie was much larger in scale. Dredd had his arch-nemesis, who was also his brother, and his clone, and all the head judged had been killed and the future of the city is unclear. This movie is much more of a "day in the life". This was a routine day in the life of a Judge. It was a simple investigation and then all hell broke loose.
Here's what I liked: A story like Judge Dredd needs to be smaller scale. It needs to be focused because it's much more nuanced than the simple action story. A lot of the drama from this movie is ingrained in the premise of the whole story. The Earth is in ruins, billions live in Mega Cities, and the only way for there to be any kind of law and order is to empower police officers with absolute authority. We need to see what that means in the setting of the story before we completely trash it.
Here's what I didn't like: It didn't feel special. At the end of the movie it didn't feel like anything was accomplished. Because the story really didn't end. The case was closed, but it was one bloody case out of countless more that day and many more to come.
3) This movie took itself far more seriously than the Stallone version.
Here's what I liked: It was much more dark, gritty, and far more faithful to the comic books. Everything was geared toward a much harder look at Judge Dredd. Dredd even did the grizzled Batman voice.
Here's what I didn't like: It took itself too seriously. The first kill of the movie a guy was shot in the mouth with an incindiary bomb. It was hilarious. The guy's head melted from the inside out. Have you ever seen one of those pumpkins on halloween that had a candle that was just a little too big? It was kinda like that. But then we're seeing people get skinned alive and thrown two-hundred stories straight down... in slow motion... Later we get three chain guns leveling an entire floor of the building, and then we get threats of rape and mutilation.
The one thing I absolutely didn't like was Dredd's partner Judge Anderson. She's a psychic.... Yeah... uhm... how can I say this... Don't. Do. That! Here's the problem with making a character able to read people's minds. It undermines the drama and creates plot holes. Dredd and Anderson arrest a guy named Kay for the murder of the three guys they were called to investigate. The only way they knew he was the guy was because Anderson read his mind. So they decide to take him in for interrogation..... Why? Read his mind. They do it later in the movie anyway. Why not read his mind right there? The very reason they get trapped in the building in the first place wasn't because they were LISTENING to what they were saying, it was because they SAW the Judges walking away with Kay in cuffs and didn't want him to talk. Then later Anderson used her psychic powers to enter into his mind and play around with his perceptions. Again, if she had that kind of power, why didn't she use it more? How about using it after she established this power to save her own neck? Why not swiss cheese Ma-Ma's brain? Later on there are rogue Judges and one was going to kill Anderson and she used her psychic powers to realize it. So instead of getting the dramatic tension of is she going to die, instead she shoots the rogue cop and we move on with our lives.
Do you see the problem? Don't make characters psychic.
This is why I'm torn on this movie. I thought it was a great movie, but man it really bothers me the stuff I like are also gnawing at me. Go see it. It's a great action flick, it's a great comic book flick, but man I just can't shake these love/hate feelings.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Trouble With the Curve Review: It's the anti-Moneyball
Well, I went to see Trouble With the Curve. I had planned to see it at some point but my Mom really wanted to see it because she loves Clint Eastwood so we went today. And overall I would say it's a good movie, but it's also a very generic movie. Let me explain.
The plot of the movie is pretty simple. Eastwood is a baseball scout and he's getting old. His eyes are going and there's young bucks in the office that want to push him aside for their own political ambitions inside the office. It's actually a large part of the drama in the movie. The hard-working people are pushed around by the backstabbers.
While on the road with his daughter, they meet a former baseball player turned scout played by Justin Timberlake. And he's your generic love interest. He's the guy who had his dream of playing in the big leagues and through working too hard, he injured himself and now he's got a new dream; to be a baseball announcer. And right about here you can see the conclusion of the movie.
The whole plot was paint by numbers. And while it didn't take any chances, it did what it does very well. That also goes for the actors. Clint Eastwood is a good enough actor to realize what it is he does well. He's very good at being the cranky old guy.
The very few times they tried to give some kind of legitimate dramatic moments, honestly it doesn't work. Amy Adams has this really emotional scene in a diner with her finally breaking down and dumping all her emotional baggage she has about feeling abandoned as a child. And as much as I like Amy Adams as an actress, these scenes just didn't work. They were out of place and mostly felt forced. I don't think better actors would've done a better job. It's just something uncomfortable that didn't fit with the theme of the movie. There's another scene along with this that made it even more uncomfortable that I don't want to say, but it's also VERY uncomfortable and really could've been cut from the movie all together and not really effected anything important.
I call this movie the anti-Moneyball movie. Moneyball was all about crunching numbers and using computers to build a team on a small budget that can win you the most games. It takes something that traditionally was all about the heart and soul of the game and sterilized it. This is the complete opposite. Where we have guys with decades of experience fighting against the "modernization" of a traditional game. It was about feeling, experience, and sometimes just dumb luck. The major criticism I had with Moneyball was that Billy Beane had this tortured love/hate relationship with baseball. So much so, I wondered why he was in the business because he just seemed to have distain for baseball in general. This movie celebrates the game. It's guys and gals who know everything about baseball. They live it, breathe it, and respect it. It's more than a game but yet still is a game. And the antagonists in this movie tend to think and act like Billy Beane. They go by numbers rather than first-hand experience. They look at the dollars spent and not the human element of the players who play the game.
My final impression is this: It's a movie with a plot that isn't anything special. It doesn't take many chances, and the times it does it falls a little flat. And despite all that, I think it's still a great movie. It has a lot to say about the game of baseball and about how we treat others. I won't say it's a "must see" but it's one you won't regret watching.
The plot of the movie is pretty simple. Eastwood is a baseball scout and he's getting old. His eyes are going and there's young bucks in the office that want to push him aside for their own political ambitions inside the office. It's actually a large part of the drama in the movie. The hard-working people are pushed around by the backstabbers.
While on the road with his daughter, they meet a former baseball player turned scout played by Justin Timberlake. And he's your generic love interest. He's the guy who had his dream of playing in the big leagues and through working too hard, he injured himself and now he's got a new dream; to be a baseball announcer. And right about here you can see the conclusion of the movie.
The whole plot was paint by numbers. And while it didn't take any chances, it did what it does very well. That also goes for the actors. Clint Eastwood is a good enough actor to realize what it is he does well. He's very good at being the cranky old guy.
The very few times they tried to give some kind of legitimate dramatic moments, honestly it doesn't work. Amy Adams has this really emotional scene in a diner with her finally breaking down and dumping all her emotional baggage she has about feeling abandoned as a child. And as much as I like Amy Adams as an actress, these scenes just didn't work. They were out of place and mostly felt forced. I don't think better actors would've done a better job. It's just something uncomfortable that didn't fit with the theme of the movie. There's another scene along with this that made it even more uncomfortable that I don't want to say, but it's also VERY uncomfortable and really could've been cut from the movie all together and not really effected anything important.
I call this movie the anti-Moneyball movie. Moneyball was all about crunching numbers and using computers to build a team on a small budget that can win you the most games. It takes something that traditionally was all about the heart and soul of the game and sterilized it. This is the complete opposite. Where we have guys with decades of experience fighting against the "modernization" of a traditional game. It was about feeling, experience, and sometimes just dumb luck. The major criticism I had with Moneyball was that Billy Beane had this tortured love/hate relationship with baseball. So much so, I wondered why he was in the business because he just seemed to have distain for baseball in general. This movie celebrates the game. It's guys and gals who know everything about baseball. They live it, breathe it, and respect it. It's more than a game but yet still is a game. And the antagonists in this movie tend to think and act like Billy Beane. They go by numbers rather than first-hand experience. They look at the dollars spent and not the human element of the players who play the game.
My final impression is this: It's a movie with a plot that isn't anything special. It doesn't take many chances, and the times it does it falls a little flat. And despite all that, I think it's still a great movie. It has a lot to say about the game of baseball and about how we treat others. I won't say it's a "must see" but it's one you won't regret watching.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Coming Soon: 9/21/12
It's not been a good month for movies. I don't think I've made it to the theater all month. I tried, but I'd look at what's playing and I just couldn't do it. Luckily, they saved a lot of good ones for this week. And here they are.
1) DREDD 3D: Judge Dredd is a street judge in a post-apocalyptic world searching for a fearsome drug cartel in a world where the law enforcement truely are judge, jury, and executioner.
The Good: It's a goofy action movie full of one-liners and over the top action scenes.
The Bad: The last Dredd movie starred Sylvester Stallone and it by no means was good. But still a guilty pleasure.
Final Thoughts: The trailers make it look awesome and just because it's a goofy comic book movie doesn't mean it won't be good. And to those attached to the Stallone version, give this one a chance. It's a different spin on the same source material.
2) END OF WATCH: Two cops bring a camera along as they try to stay alive once they are the targets of a drug cartel.
The Good: Jake Gyllenhaal is an amazing actor. And Anna Kendrick is a great up-in-coming talent. If nothing else, it's going to be well performed.
The Bad: It's a shaky cam feature length episode of COPS.
Final Thoughts: I'm really excited to see it. I know the shaky cam is probably going to piss me off, but I'm a huge fan of Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie looks dark and gritty. It should be awesome.
3) TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE: A baseball scout is starting to show his age as he deals with reconnecting with his daughter and the stress the team is putting on him as draft day approaches.
The Good: Clint Eastwood + baseball + drama = a perfect storm of perfection.
The Bad: Why the hell is Mr. Dick in a Box in this movie?
Final Thoughts: My distain for Justin Timberlake's lack of acting talent aside, this is the movie coming out this week you don't want to miss.
4) HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET: A family moves into their dream home and find out it might be next door to a haunted house.
The Good: Well... Jennifer Lawrence is in it.
The Bad: It's about as transparent as a horror movie can get. And it's PG-13? WTF?
Final Thoughts: As much as I love Jennifer Lawrence and Elizabeth Shue, someone has to sit them down and ask, "what were you thinking?" Don't see this.
See you at the movies
1) DREDD 3D: Judge Dredd is a street judge in a post-apocalyptic world searching for a fearsome drug cartel in a world where the law enforcement truely are judge, jury, and executioner.
The Good: It's a goofy action movie full of one-liners and over the top action scenes.
The Bad: The last Dredd movie starred Sylvester Stallone and it by no means was good. But still a guilty pleasure.
Final Thoughts: The trailers make it look awesome and just because it's a goofy comic book movie doesn't mean it won't be good. And to those attached to the Stallone version, give this one a chance. It's a different spin on the same source material.
2) END OF WATCH: Two cops bring a camera along as they try to stay alive once they are the targets of a drug cartel.
The Good: Jake Gyllenhaal is an amazing actor. And Anna Kendrick is a great up-in-coming talent. If nothing else, it's going to be well performed.
The Bad: It's a shaky cam feature length episode of COPS.
Final Thoughts: I'm really excited to see it. I know the shaky cam is probably going to piss me off, but I'm a huge fan of Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie looks dark and gritty. It should be awesome.
3) TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE: A baseball scout is starting to show his age as he deals with reconnecting with his daughter and the stress the team is putting on him as draft day approaches.
The Good: Clint Eastwood + baseball + drama = a perfect storm of perfection.
The Bad: Why the hell is Mr. Dick in a Box in this movie?
Final Thoughts: My distain for Justin Timberlake's lack of acting talent aside, this is the movie coming out this week you don't want to miss.
4) HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET: A family moves into their dream home and find out it might be next door to a haunted house.
The Good: Well... Jennifer Lawrence is in it.
The Bad: It's about as transparent as a horror movie can get. And it's PG-13? WTF?
Final Thoughts: As much as I love Jennifer Lawrence and Elizabeth Shue, someone has to sit them down and ask, "what were you thinking?" Don't see this.
See you at the movies
Friday, September 14, 2012
From the Vault: Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter (2001)
Made back in 2001, this movie just defies all sense of storytelling, flow, pacing, and cinematics. To watch this is to not see a good movie. It's Jesus Christ, in modern day, teaming up with a Mexican Wrestler, fighting vampires preying on Canadian lesbians. I dare you to make sense of this.
Normally, movies like this defy reviewing. They are so tounge-in-cheek, it's impossible to take it seriously. And while there are some funny moments, it's hard not to recognize how padded it truely is. More than a few times, characters are introduced very briefly only so they can immediately be killed by vampires. The first 40 minutes of the movie really could be cut and the movie as a whole wouldn't suffer. And with a run time of 85 minutes, that's a bad thing.
Much of the music is this weird neo-beatnick style and I just couldn't get into it. The theme song is by far the best. It reminds me of the old '80s cartoon theme songs that spell out the story long before the show ever starts.
If I were to forgive the horrible cinematography, the poor fight choreography, the miserable acting, and the contempuous level of padding, it's the sound dub that truely is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Everyone sounds like they are talking into a tin can. It's clearly all added in post production.
This was a small, independant movie made by a group of friends with very little budget. And for people messing around having a good time, it's a good movie. Some of the practical effects are almost good enough and the story of Jesus returning for the second coming to fight armies of the undead, that's an interesting story!
I wouldn't necessarily recommend it other than the novelty of watching a movie called Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter, but it does have it's funny moments and for a movie only 85 minutes, it's tolerable.
Normally, movies like this defy reviewing. They are so tounge-in-cheek, it's impossible to take it seriously. And while there are some funny moments, it's hard not to recognize how padded it truely is. More than a few times, characters are introduced very briefly only so they can immediately be killed by vampires. The first 40 minutes of the movie really could be cut and the movie as a whole wouldn't suffer. And with a run time of 85 minutes, that's a bad thing.
Much of the music is this weird neo-beatnick style and I just couldn't get into it. The theme song is by far the best. It reminds me of the old '80s cartoon theme songs that spell out the story long before the show ever starts.
If I were to forgive the horrible cinematography, the poor fight choreography, the miserable acting, and the contempuous level of padding, it's the sound dub that truely is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Everyone sounds like they are talking into a tin can. It's clearly all added in post production.
This was a small, independant movie made by a group of friends with very little budget. And for people messing around having a good time, it's a good movie. Some of the practical effects are almost good enough and the story of Jesus returning for the second coming to fight armies of the undead, that's an interesting story!
I wouldn't necessarily recommend it other than the novelty of watching a movie called Jesus Christ - Vampire Hunter, but it does have it's funny moments and for a movie only 85 minutes, it's tolerable.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Coming Soon: 9/14/12
I took last week off from the theater. I was just blown away with how bad last week's release was. This week has to be better, right?
1) FINDING NEMO 3D: A theatrical release of an animated favorite in 3D.
The Good: Finding Nemo is an awesome movie that kids and adults all seem to love.
The Bad: While it's an excellent movie, it's one most people have on DVD already.
Final Thoughts: I prefer re-releases to remakes anyday. I don't think the 3D gimmick is enough to get me in theaters. But I understand if you want to. It's a good movie.
2) RESIDENT EVIL- RETRIBUTION: Alice once again fights the Umbrella corporation while the T-virus turns people into zombies.
The Good: It's Mila Jovovich in bondage leather shooting up zombies.
The Bad: I don't see how this movie improves on an already tired and cliche franchise that never was very good in the first place.
Final Thoughts: It'll satisfy fans, but really nobody else.
3) THE MASTER: A WWII vet returns home and has no direction in life until he meets a cult leader.
The Good: This could be one of the more genuinely dramatic movies out this year.
The Bad: It's a movie that relies purely on the talent of the actors. Especially Philip Seymour Hoffman as the charismatic cult leader.
Final Thoughts: It looks great. It probably won't do wonderful at the box office but it's one to see.
See you at the movies
1) FINDING NEMO 3D: A theatrical release of an animated favorite in 3D.
The Good: Finding Nemo is an awesome movie that kids and adults all seem to love.
The Bad: While it's an excellent movie, it's one most people have on DVD already.
Final Thoughts: I prefer re-releases to remakes anyday. I don't think the 3D gimmick is enough to get me in theaters. But I understand if you want to. It's a good movie.
2) RESIDENT EVIL- RETRIBUTION: Alice once again fights the Umbrella corporation while the T-virus turns people into zombies.
The Good: It's Mila Jovovich in bondage leather shooting up zombies.
The Bad: I don't see how this movie improves on an already tired and cliche franchise that never was very good in the first place.
Final Thoughts: It'll satisfy fans, but really nobody else.
3) THE MASTER: A WWII vet returns home and has no direction in life until he meets a cult leader.
The Good: This could be one of the more genuinely dramatic movies out this year.
The Bad: It's a movie that relies purely on the talent of the actors. Especially Philip Seymour Hoffman as the charismatic cult leader.
Final Thoughts: It looks great. It probably won't do wonderful at the box office but it's one to see.
See you at the movies
Monday, September 3, 2012
Coming Soon: 9/7/12
If ever there was a week to stay in, pop some popcorn, and put on a DVD it would be this week. There's not much good coming out this week. If there's something you haven't seen yet, that's what you should do. Here's what I mean.
1) THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY: A guy goes to Spain and his family gets kidnapped by intelligence agents.
The Good: I hope you like looking at how pretty Spain is.
The Bad: It's an hour and a half long MacGuffin chase. Whoopie!
Final Thoughts: There are so many other movies with the same plot that do it better with better looking action scenes. Go find one of them. May I recommend The Bourne Identity.
2) THE WORDS: A writer steals another person's work.
The Good: It's a star studded cast. It will be well acted.
The Bad: I can't tell what is going on. The trailer makes it look like someone wants to kill Bradley Cooper... for plagiarism...
Final Thoughts: Not a chance.
3) [REC]3 GENESIS: Two people are enjoying their wedding when everyone starts turning into zombies.
The Good: It's short.
The Bad: The zombies aren't really zombies. They're just "sick".
Final Thoughts: If you've seen any of the other REC movies, you should already know how embarrassing this franchise truely is. By the way, REC is the original Spanish name for Quarantine. It's going to be god awful.
4) THE INBETWEENERS: Nerds try to have sex with women.
The Good: No more. I'm so pissed at these sexual comedies I just refuse.
The Bad: EVERYTHING!!!!!
Final Thoughts: "Ha Ha. Look at that nerd. He's so repulsive to women and I find it funny." There. That's your movie. Do you feel good about yourself? NO MORE!!!!
5) BACHELORETTE: A woman is about to get married so her and her friends decide to have one last night of unbridled carnal fun.
The Good: I got nothing.
The Bad: It's an annoying female version of The Hangover. Dear God does the trailer make this feel like nails on a chalkboard.
Final Thoughts: You'd have to drag me into the theater and I promise you I won't make it easy.
See you at the movies. But not this week.
1) THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY: A guy goes to Spain and his family gets kidnapped by intelligence agents.
The Good: I hope you like looking at how pretty Spain is.
The Bad: It's an hour and a half long MacGuffin chase. Whoopie!
Final Thoughts: There are so many other movies with the same plot that do it better with better looking action scenes. Go find one of them. May I recommend The Bourne Identity.
2) THE WORDS: A writer steals another person's work.
The Good: It's a star studded cast. It will be well acted.
The Bad: I can't tell what is going on. The trailer makes it look like someone wants to kill Bradley Cooper... for plagiarism...
Final Thoughts: Not a chance.
3) [REC]3 GENESIS: Two people are enjoying their wedding when everyone starts turning into zombies.
The Good: It's short.
The Bad: The zombies aren't really zombies. They're just "sick".
Final Thoughts: If you've seen any of the other REC movies, you should already know how embarrassing this franchise truely is. By the way, REC is the original Spanish name for Quarantine. It's going to be god awful.
4) THE INBETWEENERS: Nerds try to have sex with women.
The Good: No more. I'm so pissed at these sexual comedies I just refuse.
The Bad: EVERYTHING!!!!!
Final Thoughts: "Ha Ha. Look at that nerd. He's so repulsive to women and I find it funny." There. That's your movie. Do you feel good about yourself? NO MORE!!!!
5) BACHELORETTE: A woman is about to get married so her and her friends decide to have one last night of unbridled carnal fun.
The Good: I got nothing.
The Bad: It's an annoying female version of The Hangover. Dear God does the trailer make this feel like nails on a chalkboard.
Final Thoughts: You'd have to drag me into the theater and I promise you I won't make it easy.
See you at the movies. But not this week.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Lawless Review: Almost as good as a shovel to the head.
I can admit my bias. I don't like Shia LeBeouf. I find him annoying. He plays the exact same character in every movie I've ever seen him in. He's whiny. He's dumb. He's that guy you know got picked on in high school but was such a douche you quietly didn't mind. He's like the Frank Burns of modern cinema. Oh yeah. I'm biased. If Shia LeBeouf is in the movie, it already has one strike against it.
I'd like to think I'm biased, but I'm fair.
So, when I tell you this movie is bad, trust me when I say it wasn't all because of Shia LeBeouf. Guy Pierce couldn't have chewed any more scenery. He plays Charley Rakes like he is the most slimy, disgusting prick that ever lived. He's cold and sadistic. At least he is in the beginning. More on him when I get to the spoilers.
By far the best part of the movie was the performance by Tom Hardy. This guy took a one dimensional character and gave it life. So much so, that I think the movie should've featured him and his character (Forrest Bondurant) much more than Shia LeBeouf (Jake Bondurant). And may I say Jessica Chastain was perfect. And hella beautiful. And a real trooper for going topless for this piece of crap movie. She made me hate her so much in The Help, she sucked me in with The Debt, and made me love her so much in this. She might be the best actress you've never heard of.
The problem with this movie is NOT the acting.
What did I hate so much? Well right now I have to get into spoilers. If you don't want the movie spoiled, don't read further. Just know it is every dramatic cliche from every movie you've ever seen. The symbolism is forced, the humor is blunt, and quite frankly the movie is following the wrong character as the protagonist. It's not so much bad as it is just dull. Great performances by the actors are just wasted here because it never gets that feeling of "genuineness" you'd expect from a supposedly true story.
Here's one example of what I mean by forced symbolism. In the beginning of the movie a young Jake bondurant has a gun and he's supposed to shoot a pig. He can't do it and so his brother does it for him. Well, fast forward about an hour later and Jake has Deputy Rakes on the ground and is about to shoot him. But can't. Get it? He couldn't shoot a pig, and later he couldn't shoot that pig. Yeah. Lame. I know.
The running joke through the whole movie is that the Bondurant's think they are immortal. And I'm not kidding. They never let it go as some kind of family quirk. Forrest nearly gets his head cut off... he's fine. Forrest gets shot three times... he's fine. And every time we think he's dead, he's fine. No rhyme or reason for it. He's just fine. He falls in a frozen lake during winter... he's fine. Funny? No. Not really. I think the funniest scene in the whole movie was watching Gary Oldman hit some dumbass upside the head with a shovel.
I'll give you an example of what I mean by cliche. Let me set the stage and let you guess what happens. There's a little boy named Rickett. He had ricketts when he was little and now he's got crooked legs. He's our protagonist's (Jake Bondurant) best friend. And on top of that, he's a mechanical genius. He knows how to engineer the still and can even fine tune cars into a screaming machine.
What happens to Rickett?
A) learns to swim
B) wins the nobel peace prize
C) Invents a machine that turns lead into gold.
D) Gets his neck snapped like a twig by Deputy Rakes
The answer should've been obvious before I even made it multiple choice.
But what had to ruin the whole movie was the ending. They did the Training Day ending. If you ever saw the end of Training Day, it's Denzel Washington screaming like he lost his damn mind until whole town rallies behind the hero. What's different here is that it's less Denzel and more like Guy Pierce channeling his inner Daffy Duck. He's screaming, he's flapping his arms around like he's drunk, and he's swearing up a storm until Jake Bondurant finally got up the nerve to shoot him a few times. Then his brother shoved a knife up his butt and made his butthole about two feet longer.
I guess I've seen worse movies. But overall I'd wait for a rental on this. It's really not that entertaining.
I'd like to think I'm biased, but I'm fair.
So, when I tell you this movie is bad, trust me when I say it wasn't all because of Shia LeBeouf. Guy Pierce couldn't have chewed any more scenery. He plays Charley Rakes like he is the most slimy, disgusting prick that ever lived. He's cold and sadistic. At least he is in the beginning. More on him when I get to the spoilers.
By far the best part of the movie was the performance by Tom Hardy. This guy took a one dimensional character and gave it life. So much so, that I think the movie should've featured him and his character (Forrest Bondurant) much more than Shia LeBeouf (Jake Bondurant). And may I say Jessica Chastain was perfect. And hella beautiful. And a real trooper for going topless for this piece of crap movie. She made me hate her so much in The Help, she sucked me in with The Debt, and made me love her so much in this. She might be the best actress you've never heard of.
The problem with this movie is NOT the acting.
What did I hate so much? Well right now I have to get into spoilers. If you don't want the movie spoiled, don't read further. Just know it is every dramatic cliche from every movie you've ever seen. The symbolism is forced, the humor is blunt, and quite frankly the movie is following the wrong character as the protagonist. It's not so much bad as it is just dull. Great performances by the actors are just wasted here because it never gets that feeling of "genuineness" you'd expect from a supposedly true story.
Here's one example of what I mean by forced symbolism. In the beginning of the movie a young Jake bondurant has a gun and he's supposed to shoot a pig. He can't do it and so his brother does it for him. Well, fast forward about an hour later and Jake has Deputy Rakes on the ground and is about to shoot him. But can't. Get it? He couldn't shoot a pig, and later he couldn't shoot that pig. Yeah. Lame. I know.
The running joke through the whole movie is that the Bondurant's think they are immortal. And I'm not kidding. They never let it go as some kind of family quirk. Forrest nearly gets his head cut off... he's fine. Forrest gets shot three times... he's fine. And every time we think he's dead, he's fine. No rhyme or reason for it. He's just fine. He falls in a frozen lake during winter... he's fine. Funny? No. Not really. I think the funniest scene in the whole movie was watching Gary Oldman hit some dumbass upside the head with a shovel.
I'll give you an example of what I mean by cliche. Let me set the stage and let you guess what happens. There's a little boy named Rickett. He had ricketts when he was little and now he's got crooked legs. He's our protagonist's (Jake Bondurant) best friend. And on top of that, he's a mechanical genius. He knows how to engineer the still and can even fine tune cars into a screaming machine.
What happens to Rickett?
A) learns to swim
B) wins the nobel peace prize
C) Invents a machine that turns lead into gold.
D) Gets his neck snapped like a twig by Deputy Rakes
The answer should've been obvious before I even made it multiple choice.
But what had to ruin the whole movie was the ending. They did the Training Day ending. If you ever saw the end of Training Day, it's Denzel Washington screaming like he lost his damn mind until whole town rallies behind the hero. What's different here is that it's less Denzel and more like Guy Pierce channeling his inner Daffy Duck. He's screaming, he's flapping his arms around like he's drunk, and he's swearing up a storm until Jake Bondurant finally got up the nerve to shoot him a few times. Then his brother shoved a knife up his butt and made his butthole about two feet longer.
I guess I've seen worse movies. But overall I'd wait for a rental on this. It's really not that entertaining.
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