Into The Woods Review: Into The Padded Ending

I shouldn't be so negative about this.  There were things to like.  The acting was wonderful.  Everyone involved had amazing songs.  The story was engaging.  If the movie ended at the 90 minute mark, it would be great!  Except it didn't.

And then there's Johnny Depp.  Normally I like the guy.  He's quirky and generally fun to watch.  So, what do they do in this movie?  Why make him a pedophile!  Because why not?  I know.  I'm being unfair.  But I say listen to his song as the Big Bad Wolf.  He's singing about how wonderful her young flesh is.  Listen to the way he sings it.  I know he was singing about eating her.  But I dare you to listen to that song and not get just a little creeped out.  Because it is more than a little sexual.

Oh God the ending.  The entire story is driven by the Baker and his wife wanting to have a child.  One would think that once they have said child and everyone is happy, the movie should be over.  I mean this is a fairy tale story.  I know this because it has Cinderella, Rapunzel, Little Red Riding Hood, and Jack and his Beanstalk.  So why didn't the movie end?  Why did this movie have to be so depressing?  If it had ended after Act II, I would've called it a cute little movie with some great music and memorable performances by all involved.  But since the movie continued and basically made everything pointless, I now have issues.

Here's where I spoil it so don't read further if you don't want it ruined.  If you want my conclusion, wait for the rental.  Save your money.

Red Riding Hood: It goes through her normal story.  She goes to grannie's house.  She's eaten.  She's saved.  The end.  Except here she has her family killed and she has no place to go.  So she goes to live with the Baker.

Jack: He gets the giant's gold.  He kills the giant by cutting down the beanstalk.  Happily ever after.  Except now with the giant's wife coming down a second beanstalk and killing everyone in the village, he now doesn't have his beloved cow and his mother was murdered.  So he goes to live with the Baker.  Because hey, why not?

Baker and his Wife: They got the mcguffins and broke the witch's curse.  The witch who we thought was just evil, turned out to not be so bad; overbearing and sociopathic to be sure, but still kinda likeable.  Baker and his wife had a baby.  The witch got to be young again.  And everything is right with the world.  More or less.  Except that isn't the end of the movie.  The wife cheats on the Baker with Cinderella's prince.  (more on that coming up)  And then she falls down a cliff and dies.  Uhm... symbolism?  Because the Baker has to raise a baby alone and that's what happened to his father and why his father ran away?  You know what?  No.  Stupid ending.  I hate it.

Cinderella:  She has the horrible step-sisters and terrible step-mother.  She meets her fairy godmother.  Ok that was changed to the ghost of her dead mother.  She gets a dress and gold slippers.  With high heels but whatever.  And yes gold and not glass.  She meets the prince and they fall in love and live happily ever after.  If ever after is about a week.  The prince is a philanderer.  She leaves the prince.  And goes back to being a simple cleaning lady living with the Baker because hey everyone else is! 

The Witch:  Yeah she kills herself.  I still don't know how.  She throws some magic beans around.  It creates a tar pit and she gets sucked in.  I still don't know how that happened.  I guess it's one of those "It's magic.  I don't have to explain it." type things.

The ending was horrible and it ruined the entire movie.  The entire story was around this quest to break the curse on the Baker so he can have a child.  Only to tack on this pointless and really depressing ending for no good reason.  It dragged the movie on and made it unnecessarily grim. 

And what is the lesson of the story?  Don't wish for things?  Don't try to be better than you are?  Just accept your lot in life and shut up about it? 

If you really want to see it, wait for the rental.

The Hobbit Battle of Five Armies Review: No False Advertising

The title says it all.  There was a Hobbit.  There were five armies and they were all fighting each other.  For about 2 1/2 hours.  There really isn't much to say about it.  It's a 2 1/2 hour climax to the previous two movies.  All the cliffhangers from Desolation of Smaug are tied up in a nice little bow and it comes to a satisfying conclusion.  If you took the journey from the beginning up to this point, you will leave satisfied.  If you haven't, then there's no point.  You won't know the characters.  You won't know why they are there.  You won't understand the development of the characters.  You won't understand what the conflict is about. 

I will say that the visuals are hit and miss.  Sometimes they are just wonderful.  Other times it's painfully obvious it's a green screen.  I don't see any point in seeing this in 3D.  Yeah it would be cool to see Smaug in 3D with all the fire.  It will be cool to see the diamonds flying around.  But it's two scenes in a 2 1/2 hour movie.  You tell me if it's worth the extra money. 

The ending basically follows the book.  I read the book.  And it's the worst ending to an adventure I've ever read.  Bilbo gets knocked in the head and when he wakes up, the fight is over.  At least in this we see the action.  So this is a rare time the movie is better than the book.  At least in this regard. 

Of course the padding gets tied up too.  And it ends as expected.  If you read the book it is even more obvious.  I didn't initially like all the padding but with some time to reflect on it, I won't say I like it, but I understand why it was added.  It gives depth to characters that in the book never got.  In the book, Bard is just a guy.  He has no story and we wouldn't ever know his name if he didn't kill Smaug.  At the very least in the movie we see him as a family man with a loving wife and great kids.  He has a family history with Smaug and his family's reputation is in the toilet because his grandfather failed to kill the dragon.  Is it believable, kinda.  Is it better than nothing?  Absolutely. 

The same can be said about Kili.  The dwarves in the book have very little characterization.  Fili and Kili are the youngest and they are Thorin's nephews.  That's the only real character they get.  Now Kili has a love triangle.  It gives him a chance to show a different side.  Was it what I would've done?  No.  But in hindsight, I understand why they wanted to give at least some of the other companions an arc. 

That's about all I can say.  It's a great conclusion to an epic tale.  It's not a stand alone movie.  You have to see the first two.